Best Quips Quotes & Sayings

All the quips in the world couldn't prevent Oscar Wilde from becoming a lovesick fool. — David Levithan

On a wing and a prayer. (After being asked how the angels make love in Milton's Paradise Lost). — Benjamin R. Smith

The princess snorted. "If you haven't figured out by now that I don't care what you think of me, let this be the lesson that sticks. — C.J. Redwine

Hello, spawn!" I coo at Kayla's baby brother as he waddles into her room. He burps at me.
"It looks like you guys speak the same language," Kayla quips.
"Where was that sass when Jack was making you cry at Avery's party?"
"Uh, hello? He's my crush? I'm not going to sass him."
"Flash 'em the sass before you flash 'em the ass."
"What kind of saying is that?" She laughs.
"Grandma-saying. She's the head of the motorcycle gang at her nursing home. — Sara Wolf

I like quips. I like whiffs of cynicism and I think they can be witty. But I don't really know where wittiness is constructive. — Matthew McConaughey

For me, Twitter works best as a way of taking pictures of being stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. If people really want to read really funny quips about life, parenting, and pop culture, then by all means read Michael Ian Black's tweets. — Michael Showalter

Heaven's heard us down here, cackling at our piss-takes and chortling at our quips; I've seen the looks, the suspicion that they're missing out on it, this laughing malarkey. But they always turn away, Gabriel to horn practice, Michael to the weights. Truth is they're timid. If there was a safe way down
a fire escape (boom-boom)
there'd be more than a handful of deserters tiptoeing down to my door. Abandon hope all ye who enter here, yes
but get ready for a rart ol' giggle, dearie. — Glen Duncan

And another regrettable thing about death is the ceasing of your own brand of magic, which took a whole life to develop and market - the quips, the witticisms, the slant adjusted to a few, those loved ones nearest the lip of the stage . . . - JOHN UPDIKE, "Perfection Wasted — Carole Radziwill

Ralph Keyes calls quotation collectors "quotographers," the men and women who gather catchwords, watchwords, war words, winged words, maxims, mottos, sayings, and quips into books of a thousand pages. Through the centuries quotation collectors have saved quotations that would otherwise be lost. — Willis Regier

Advertising is to a genuine article what manure is to land, - it largely increases the product. — P.T. Barnum

There, an engaging tour guide told jokes and made witty quips in between sensationalized and brutal stories of inmates "getting what they deserved" because, as she put it, "if you gonna act like an animal, you gonna get treated like one." (We know, thanks to Goffman and pretty much every behavior study out there, that it often works the other way around.) — Margee Kerr

Haste thee, Nymph, and bring with thee Jest, and youthful Jollity, Quips, and Cranks, and wanton Wiles, Nods, and Becks, and wreathed Smiles, Such as hang on Hebe's cheek, And love to live in dimple sleek; Sport that wrinkled Care derides, And Laughter holding both his sides. — John Milton

Wit is the thought process that generates truly funny observations, as well as the most incisive comments, lasting quips, and brilliant asides. To say wit is mean is like saying the sun is mean for burning you: The giant ball of hot plasma at the center of our solar system is bigger than that, and why weren't you wearing sunscreen in the first place? — Benjamin Errett

Well?" Nat says after a few seconds. "I'm surprised you're here again, Harriet. I thought you'd be busy auditioning for A Midsummer Night's Dream."
I blink a few times in surprise. "No. I'm not."
"You should be. I heard they're looking for an ass."
Oh. Now why can't I think of quips like that when I need them? — Holly Smale

I'm slightly obsessed with drag queens and performers. Their quips and their one-liners, their style, their singing ... I find it fascinating. And thoroughly entertaining. I'd love to play one. — Russell Tovey

Radical transparency has an enormous impact on our personal lives. We can no longer share thoughts, quips, photos or personal opinions anywhere on the web without being mindful that they may turn up where we least expect it (notably job interviews, divorce proceedings or public media). — Simon Mainwaring

One of her friends who posts from the moment she wakes up until she goes to bed at night. I don't know her, but I have friends like her, friends who miss their lives as they stay glued to their phones, letting everyone know of every thought they have and every bite they eat. I wonder if this girl ever interacts much with real friends - people who are truly present in her life. She probably never enjoys a meal, because she's too busy posting pictures of it. Too busy to enjoy her friends' quips, because she's thumb-typing every word. — Terri Blackstock

In France everything is a matter for jest. People make quips about the scaffold, about Napoleon's defeat on the banks of The Beresina, and about the barricades of our revolutions. So, at the assizes of the Last Judgment, there will always be a Frenchmen to crack a joke. — Honore De Balzac

One of my most often repeated quips was the one I made when former Presidents Carter, Ford and Nixon stood by each other at a White House event. 'There they are,' I said. 'See no evil, hear no evil, and ... evil.' — Bob Dole

Zack looks at Jenna and slowly pulls off his sunglasses. "Why, hello, beautiful," he says. "I'm Zack." He shows off his dimples. "And you are ... ?"
"Not going to sleep with you," Jenna quips, grinning right back at him.
His smile widens. "Well played. — Chelsea Fine

Danger is the snack food of a true sleuth. — Mac Barnett

Just thinking about spending an uninterrupted hour with him makes the color rise in my cheeks, and Emma inquires, "Are you okay? You seem kind of ... distracted."
Distracted. Well, that's one way to put it.
Deciding to throw caution to the wind, I fess up, "Kyle's here. It's our first night together."
"The cop who arrested you?" Emma suddenly looks much more cheerful as she quips, "Kinky, Jessalyn. Did he bring his handcuffs? — Katie Lynn Johnson

Leonidas's and Dienekes' quips draw the individual out of his private terror and yoke him to the group. — Steven Pressfield

No," said Hermione shortly. "Have either of you seen my copy of Numerology and Gramatica?"
"Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for a bit of bedtime reading," said Ron, but very quietly. — J.K. Rowling

Ya writin' a book? Hey great. Need some help? Want some of my quips? Hey, we could do it together. We'd quip 'em to death. Give 'em quiplash hee hee hee. — Ken Dryden

Ser Jaime ... I am grateful, but ... you were well away. Why come back?" A dozen quips came to mind, each crueler than the one before, but Jaime only shrugged. "I dreamed of you — George R R Martin

I have a lot of very close girlfriends and sisters - I'm from an all female family. My father often quips that even the cat was neutered! — Shirley Manson

Right at the core, the mainstream has it backwards. Warren Buffett often quips that the first rule of investing is to not lose money, and the second rule is to not forget the first rule. Yet few investors approach the world with such a strict standard of risk avoidance. — Seth Klarman

One of the great leaders of America was Daniel Webster. That great bulging brow of his and those blazing eyes used to hold the Senate spellbound as he stood there and talked to them not with silly quips or funny remarks. The Senate in those days was not composed of half-baked comedians but of strong, noble statesmen who carried the weight of the nation on their shoulders. Someone said, "Mr. Webster, what do you consider the most serious thought that has ever entered your mind?" He said, "The most solemn thought that has ever entered my mind is the accountability to my Maker. — A.W. Tozer

Do you fancy catching a movie at the Sturbridge Theater tonight? That new Robert Pattinson movie is showing," I ask her, the phone cradled against my chest.
"Definitely sign me up for that!" Ari replies, chuckling as I mock scowl. Her easy laugh warms my soul.
"We're in," I tell Gil, arranging to meet him and his date in the diner later.
"So, who is it this time?" Ari asks, resting her chin in her hands. "Anyone we know?"
Considering I can count the girls on one hand who have enjoyed more than one date with Gil, I doubt it'll be someone familiar. "I didn't ask; guess we'll find out soon enough."
"Five bucks says it's a blonde," Ari quips.
"That's one bet I'm not taking," I admit, twirling a lock of her hair around my finger. "Gil's penchant for blondes is world-renowned. — Siobhan Davis

Time goes too quickly. This is the advice that my mother should have given me from her hospital bed. Instead of vague, unknowable quips like "Be careful what you wish for," she should have told me time slides away on a hillside of loose shale and takes everything in its path - dreams, opportunities, hopes. And youth. It takes that fastest of all. — Kristin Hannah

Ser Jaime?" Even in soiled pink satin and torn lace, Brienne looked more like a man in a gown than a proper woman."I am grateful, but ... you were well away. Why come back?"
A dozen quips came to mind, each crueler than the one before, but Jaime only shrugged. "I dreamed of you," he said. — George R R Martin

Good lord, look at you!" he cried, delighted at my grubbiness. "What have you been doing? You're filthy!" He looked me up and down admiringly, then said in a more solemn tone: "You haven't been screwing hogs again, have you, Bryson?"
"Ha ha ha."
"They're not clean animals, you know, no matter how attractive they may look after a month on the trail. And don't forget we're not in Tennessee anymore. It's probably not even legal here - at least not without a note from the vet." He patted the chair beside him, beaming all over, happy with his quips. "Come and sit down and tell me all about it. So what was her name - Bossy?" He leaned closely and confidentially. "Did she squeal a lot? — Bill Bryson

Effortlessly, the man sowed the idea of sex with his quips, the smiles, and something as innocent as their legs brushing against one another. — Melissa Blue