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Quotes & Sayings About Bears Funny

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Top Bears Funny Quotes

Bears Funny Quotes By Soman Chainani

Naturally the villagers blamed bears. No one had ever seen a bear in Gavaldon, but this made them more determined to find one. Four years later, when two more children vanished, the villagers admitted they should have been more specific and declared black bears the culprit, bears so black they blended with the night. But when children continued to disappear every four years, the village shifted their attention to burrowing bears, then phantom bears, then bears in disguise ... Until it became clear it wasn't it wasn't bears at all. — Soman Chainani

Bears Funny Quotes By David Rakoff

It bears repeating a third time: Not being funny doesn't make you a bad person. Not having a sense of humour does. — David Rakoff

Bears Funny Quotes By Gideon Defoe

I fear it is the end for us,' wailed Marx as the bears inched closer. 'Is this the way you saw yourself going. Pirate Captain:

'In fact,' said the Captain grumpily, 'it's pretty much the exact situation I usually try to cheer myself up with when I'm in a bit of a fix. "At least you're not about to be eaten by bears and/or fall into a replica volcano," I tell myself. So now I've got to come up with an even worse scenario, which is a nuisance. — Gideon Defoe

Bears Funny Quotes By Libba Bray

What kind of person doesn't let you have gummi bears? — Libba Bray

Bears Funny Quotes By Gillibran Brown

I glared at him. "You didn't leave me alone for five minutes, you left me alone for a week. I could have hacked myself to pieces if there's been more than one mango in the house. You could have come home to a very gory scene. The press would have had a field day ... Gay Houseboy In Mango Tragedy. Bears arrested for leaving cub unattended for seven, almost eight whole days with an armed and dangerous killer mango roaming loose about the house."
"I'd mercifully forgotten just how much of a loquacious tripe peddler you can be," Shane took me by the shoulders and kissed me on the lips ... — Gillibran Brown

Bears Funny Quotes By Jessica Sorensen

The guy behind the counter scratches his neck. "Are you being serious?" Her face is stoic. "Absolutely. I never kid about teddy bears. — Jessica Sorensen

Bears Funny Quotes By Cassandra Clare

Think of what it must have been like in the Scholomance for all those years it was closed," said Dru, her eyes gleaming with horror-movie delight. "All the way up in the mountains, totally abandoned and dark, full of spiders and ghosts and shadows ... "
"If you want to think about somewhere scary, think about the Bone City," said Livvy. The City of Bones was where the Silent Brothers lived: It was an underground place of networked tunnels built out of the ashes of dead Shadowhunters.
"I'd like to go to the Scholomance," interrupted Ty.
"I wouldn't," said Livvy. "Centurions aren't allowed to have parabatai."
"I'd like to go anyway," said Ty. "You could come too if you wanted."
"I don't want to go to the Scholomance," said Livvy. "It's in the middle of the Carpathian Mountains. It's freezing there, and there are bears."
Ty's face lit up as it often did at the mention of animals. "There are bears?"
"Enough chatter," said Diana. — Cassandra Clare

Bears Funny Quotes By Mitch Hedberg

My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf." — Mitch Hedberg

Bears Funny Quotes By Bill Bailey

(Imitating a Belarus citizen commenting on their national flag) Stupid National Anthem ... Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit — Bill Bailey

Bears Funny Quotes By Craig Benzine

Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger. — Craig Benzine

Bears Funny Quotes By Christopher Walken

Bear suits are funny - and bears as well. — Christopher Walken

Bears Funny Quotes By Larry Correia

You're not from around here. You talk funny." "Alabama. Where bears don't eat people, it don't usually snow, and it's customary for the new guy getting told the tale to buy the drinks for the men doing the telling. — Larry Correia

Bears Funny Quotes By Robin Williams

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do! — Robin Williams

Bears Funny Quotes By Chic Murray

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed. — Chic Murray

Bears Funny Quotes By Kathryn Lasky

Are you scared of going in to see the raghnaid [the council]?" asked a gray female pup.
"Are you cag mag [crazy]? If a bear was his Milk Giver, you think he's scared of the raghnaid? — Kathryn Lasky

Bears Funny Quotes By Mitch Hedberg

I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear is. But they don't. In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest-fire-prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. And that's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me and I thought, "Man, I better play dead!" — Mitch Hedberg

Bears Funny Quotes By Prince Fielder

The gummy bears tattoo was my idea. It's my son's favorite candy. The sketch was my other son's idea. It's a self-portrait of himself. I just showed the artist his sketch and had him tattoo it on my forearm. It looks like a stick person with big hair. It's pretty funny. — Prince Fielder

Bears Funny Quotes By Bill Bryson

What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless. — Bill Bryson

Bears Funny Quotes By Russell Howard

Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU! — Russell Howard

Bears Funny Quotes By Jack Black

Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. — Jack Black