Jim Gaffigan Quotes

Babies Are The Worst Roommates. They're Unemployed. They Don't Pay Rent. They Keep Insane Hours. Their Hygiene Is Horrible. If You Had A Roommate That Did Any Of The Things Babies Do, You'd Ask Them To Move Out. "Do You Remember What Happened Last Night? Today You're All Smiles, But Last Night You Were Hitting The Bottle Really Hard. Then You Started Screaming, And You Threw Up On Me. Then You Passed Out And Wet Yourself. I Went Into The Other Room To Get You Some Dry Clothes, I Came Back, And You Were All Over My Wife's Breasts! Right In Front Of Me, Her Husband! Dude, You Gotta Move Out.

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