Tim Hawkins Quotes & Sayings

We have our own language. Christianese ... We don't say 'He's out of his mind,' no, we say 'That's our youth pastor. — Tim Hawkins

Father, we come to You, Father, in the name of the Father, Father we come to You, Father, Father, just, just, Father, Father ... ' You don't talk to you friends like that. 'Ed, Ed, come over, Ed, Ed, Ed, you are, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, ooh, Ed, Ed, Ed' - he wouldn't be your friend anymore if you did that! Like, 'You keep saying Ed ... my name's Joe! — Tim Hawkins

Two conditions that warrant someone's unconditional devotion: 1. Save their life 2. Help them move a pillow top mattress — Tim Hawkins

Every town you go to, they tell you what's special about their town. What they're number one at ... This guy comes up and says, 'D'you know that we're the home of the world's largest frying pan?'
' ... Really! That is great 'cause I'm writin' a new book called Things I Don't Care About. — Tim Hawkins

Legality and oppression are not unknown to run hand in hand. — Tim Hawkins

I could always make people around me laugh. It was more of a defense mechanism more than anything else, because I was a pretty shy guy. — Tim Hawkins

You need to go sit on the pot. — Tim Hawkins

Some people are more expressive in worship. Some people more subtle and it's all good — Tim Hawkins

Vision -
You dream the impossible;
You imagine the incredible;
You achieve the extraordinary. — Tim Hawkins

I've noticed the people most uptight about smokers and drinkers don't really have a problem with gluttony and gossip. — Tim Hawkins