Simon R. Green Quotes & Sayings

What am I going to do with all these bodies?" Said Jimmy, just a bit plaintively."I can't keep them, I don't have the cupboard space. — Simon R. Green

Lot of them were wearing T-shirts under their lab coats, bearing the legend I Blow Things Up, Therefore I Am, Even If Someone Else Suddenly Isn't. — Simon R. Green

When all else fails, you can always damn yourself with a necessary evil, for the greater good. — Simon R. Green

Strangefellows's owner and bartender was a thin pale streak of misery who only wore black because no-one had come up with a darker colour yet. — Simon R. Green

Are you sure this is a good idea?' whispered the unicorn.
'No,' said Rupert. 'But it's our best chance to find a dragon.'
'Frankly, that doesn't strike me as such a hot idea either,' muttered the unicorn. — Simon R. Green

Most of my relatives could start a fight in an empty room and then lie about who won. — Simon R. Green

To show a mask and mirror to the world, and never let them see you're hurting. — Simon R. Green

Honor and duty will ride upon my shoulders till the day I die, like the old man of the sea, who once picked up can never be put dow. — Simon R. Green

with a whim of iron. — Simon R. Green

Love is for the living, for people who have a stake in the future. — Simon R. Green

Because nothing makes love and life matter more than the knowledge that some day it must end. — Simon R. Green

They thought he was scared all the time because he was a coward. The truth was, only he could see the world clearly enough to know how truly scary it was. — Simon R. Green

I'll say this for the man: He never had any problems thinking big. Thinking rationally and responsibly, yes, major problems there ... — Simon R. Green

And we all have the right to go to Hell in our own way. — Simon R. Green

And then you discover what you should have known all along: that it takes only one bad day to turn your life upside down. That there's nothing you can have, nothing you've earned, nothing you've paid for with blood and loss and suffering ... that the world can't take away from you. — Simon R. Green

Though we nearly lost everything last month, when the mainframe got possessed by Sumerian demons, and we had to call in a technodruid to exorcise it. I'd never heard language like that before, and even after it was all over, the office still smelled of burning mistletoe for weeks. And I might add that the computer Helpline people were no bloody use at all. — Simon R. Green

The harsh, unyielding reality of having to compromise your ideals bit by bit, day by day, just to achieve a few little victories in the face of the world's malice, or indifference. Until sometimes you wonder if there's nothing left of you but the shell of the man you intended to be, just going through the motions because you've nothing better to do. — Simon R. Green

Future is like an asshole. Everybody has one.
John Taylor (Nightside Series) — Simon R. Green

Be good, my dears, and if you can't be good don't do it in front of witnesses! — Simon R. Green

Were we in love, really? We were very young. And everything seems so sharp and intense, when you're a teenager. Emotions surge through you like a firecracker. Immersed in the moment, transfixed in each other's eyes like rabbits caught in the glare of approaching headlights ... Yes; she was my first love, and I have never forgotten the time we had together. — Simon R. Green

There has been peace. There will be peace again. But right now, we have work to do. — Simon R. Green

I chose to help people, because there'd been no-one there to help me when I needed it. — Simon R. Green

Cursed with conscience and damned with duty, because that's how we always reward the best of us. — Simon R. Green

Who's got my Jaffa Cakes? You know I can't function without Jaffa Cakes. — Simon R. Green

When God wanted a city levelled, or all the first-born slaughtered in one night, he sent an angel. — Simon R. Green

I always feel most alive when everything else is dying all around me — Simon R. Green

Just because we protect the world, it doesn't mean the world is always grateful. — Simon R. Green

To fight with demons, your intent must be pure. And even then, there's no guarantee you'll win. — Simon R. Green

I ignored him, concentrating on Lilith. "According to the stories, after you were expelled from Eden you went down into Hell, where you coupled with demons and gave birth to all the monsters that have plagued the world."
"I was young," said Lilith. "You know how it is. We all do things we later regret, when we're being rebellious teenagers. — Simon R. Green

My mother turned out to be a Biblical Myth; from that part of the Old Testament where God gets really angry. — Simon R. Green

As if we'd fall for an obvious trap like that," said Happy. "We're not going to fall for an obvious trap like that, are we? Oh shit, we are. I want to go home. — Simon R. Green

My name is John Taylor. I'm a private eye, specialising in cases of the weird and uncanny. I don't solve murders, I don't do divorce work, and I wouldn't recognise a clue if you held it up before my face and said Look, this is a clue. — Simon R. Green

I had to smile. "How can you not approve of gods when you are one?" He sniffed. "I never asked to be worshipped. Feared, yes." "That's how most religions start. Eddie, the Street is in danger, and so am I. — Simon R. Green

Let us take it for granted that I am careless and ungrateful and never appreciate anything you do for me and move on, shall we. — Simon R. Green

When you are tired of life, come to Haven. And someone will kill you. — Simon R. Green

They burn down Satanist churches, perform exorcisms on politicians, and they once crucified a street mime. Upside down. And then they set fire to him. A lot of people applauded. — Simon R. Green

I take it you know my companion?"
Oh,yes!" said Savage, his smile disappearing. "We know all about Ruby Journey. Please don't let her kill anyone important. Or set fire to anything."
Your reputation precedes you," Random said dryly to Ruby. — Simon R. Green

Many of the self-styled prophets recognised me, and made the sign of the cross at me. Some made the sign of the extremely cross, and shook hand-made charms and fetishes at me. — Simon R. Green

My Suzie, also known as Shotgun Suzie, also known as Oh Christ It's Her, Run. — Simon R. Green

No damned thing from the vasty deeps is going to get the better of me in my own home. — Simon R. Green

Beyond a certain point, hope is more than self-indulgence. It's self-harm. — Simon R. Green

No-one's used a wand in the Nightside for centuries. Wands went out with black cats and pointy hats. (All right, the Faerie Court still use them, but the Fae have always been weird.) — Simon R. Green

I am large. I contain multitudes," I said solemnly. "Especially on Tuesdays. — Simon R. Green

Never go anywhere without condiments. Condiments are our friends. — Simon R. Green

Big corporations aren't always the bad guys; but it's the sensible way to bet. — Simon R. Green

She might not have the same survival instincts as us.' 'It's amazing,' said Jeeves. 'You keep talking and you keep coming up with things, and yet not one of them is ever remotely comforting.' 'It's a gift,' I said. — Simon R. Green

A private face behind every public mask, a hidden meaning peeking through whatever words they choose to share with you. — Simon R. Green

What is the world coming to, when you can't even trust a rogue vicar and her demon lover? — Simon R. Green

He has also worked as a shop assistant, bicycle-repair mechanic, journalist, actor, eccentric dancer, and mail-order bride. He has never worked for MI5. Don't believe anyone who tel s you otherwise. He is, however, secretly Superman. — Simon R. Green

Because when you wear a mask long enough, it gets really hard to take it off. The mask becomes your face. — Simon R. Green

I went to a house that was not a house. I opened a door that was not a door. And what I saw, I saw. — Simon R. Green

Though I often run out of courage and good sense, stubbornness keeps me going. — Simon R. Green

Nothing is ever really lost. The memories of good friends and good times are always there, never more than a thought away. In a sense, they never really stopped happening. Every moment you ever treasured, every friend you ever valued is still there, separated from us only by time; the past is still happening and always will be. It's only we who have moved on. — Simon R. Green

See, phrenology is this old Victorian science, which claimed you could determine the dominant traits of a man's personality by studying the bumps on his head. The size and position of these bumps indicated different personality traits. See? Now, /retro-phrenology/ says, why not change a man's personality by hitting him on the head with a hammer, till you raise just the right bumps in the right places!"
"One of us needs a lot more drinks," said Alex. "That's starting to make sense. — Simon R. Green

A vampire was drinking a bloody Mary, and from the look on her face Mary was really getting into it. — Simon R. Green

A defrocked heretic accountant, Grimm had learned just enough mathemagics to be a nuisance, if not actually dangerous, and had been thrown out of the Accountants' Guild for unethical use of imaginary numbers. — Simon R. Green

I've been here a long time," I said finally. "But I think what I truly believe in is people. They can always surprise you. They have such potential . . . They can change and grow and become so much more than they or anyone else would ever have thought possible. Unlike gods. And at the end of the day, I believe that people should be kind to each other. — Simon R. Green

The next few rooms held a severed hand that was trying to grow itself a new body; a Time Agent whose latest regeneration had gone terribly wrong, turning him inside out; and a sorry-looking werewolf with mange. — Simon R. Green

Toby had spent three years living in the East End of London, back when he was a student, an area that would have profited greatly from a heavily armed UN Peacekeeping force. Lacking the funds necessary to reach the more civilized areas of London, toby endured three very long years ... — Simon R. Green

Happy, you really are a first-class gloomy bugger," JC said affectionately. "You could gloom for the Olympics, and still take a Bronze in existential paranoia."
Everyone has to be good at something," said Happy smiling in spite of himself. — Simon R. Green

Last night I dreamed I was still human, but now I have woken up, into something better. Farewell, my friends, farewell. — Simon R. Green

I looked down at the Nightside, spread out before me like the most seductive whore in the world. Promising everything and anytthing, her wide smile and inviting eyes hiding the cold calculation in her heart. — Simon R. Green

There are any number of magical creatures, mostly female, whose singing can bring about horror and death. Sirens, undines, banshees, Bananarama tribute bands ... — Simon R. Green

Keep your mind too open, and you never know what might walk in. — Simon R. Green

The truth might set you free, but there's nothing that says you have to be grateful. — Simon R. Green

Wait. You've got principles? We'll have to update your file. — Simon R. Green

If you don't trust anyone, they can't let you down. — Simon R. Green

I feel I should point out that I do not mix cocktails or provide helpful advice to those who find themselves in a bit of a pickle; and neither do I untangle emotional difficulties. I just buttle. (The Butler in The Dark Side of the Road) — Simon R. Green

What's one more crazy thing in the midst of all this weirdness? — Simon R. Green

It was years since I'd last been here, a lifetime. It was yesterday. — Simon R. Green

While the cat's away, you may find the rats getting damned uppity. — Simon R. Green

I didn't know if I still had it in me to be really dangerous, but I thought so. It's like knocking someone off a bike with a baseball bat; you never really lose the knack. — Simon R. Green

I finally found my way to the Really Restricted Section, where they keep the kind of books most scholars aren't even supposed to know exist. I knocked on the closed door, said the proper passwords, and the door opened before me. I walked in, and the ghost of the Head Librarian, a thin, dusty presence, with dark eyes and a disapproving look, appeared before me, blocking my way. (He had been eaten by a book, then brought back by the other books, apparently because they approved of him. Because even though he didn't have much time for people, he loved books.) — Simon R. Green

Who ... what are they?"
"My pride and glory," Alex said fondly. "Betty and Lucy Coltrane. Best damned bouncers in the business. Though of course I'd never tell them that. Fiercer than pit bulls and cheaper to run. Married to each other. They had a dog once, but they ate it. — Simon R. Green

I'd never seen so many Goths in one place. All dark clothes and brooding faces, like a gathering of small thunderclouds. — Simon R. Green

Rupert: " ... At this rate, somebody is bound to upset the Warlock once too often, and we'll end up with a Court full of bemused looking toads."
"He wouldn't dare use his magic here," said the Champion.
"Don't bet on it," said Rupert. "The High Warlock has all the practicality and self-preservation instincts of a depressed lemming. — Simon R. Green

No more shooting from anyone. Or I am going to get seriously cranky with everyone. Suddenly, and violently and all over the place. — Simon R. Green

It's hard to maintain a reputation for being grim and mysterious when you're accompanied by a brightly clad young thing, skipping merrily along at your side, holding your hand, and smiling sweetly on one and all. — Simon R. Green

You can always rely on a woman to fight dirty, I said, and all the other men nodded solemnly in unison - until — Simon R. Green

There'll always be small, bitter people ready to follow some charismatic leader who promises them peace and happiness through justified violence and the killing of scapegoats. — Simon R. Green

Men," said Suzie. "Why don't you just get them out and measure them? — Simon R. Green

He always had some experiment or another on the go, usually involving boiling liquids and unpleasant smells. Always something bubbling in the cauldron or cooking in the small stone oven. One wall was hidden behind rows of metal cages, set one upon the other; containing animals and birds and reptiles and a few other things not so easily identified. Because you never knew when you'd need a subject to try something out on. And of course there were shelves and shelves of glass jars, holding herbs and insect parts, mandrake root and other disturbing things. Some of the things in the jars were still moving. Because alchemy's like that. — Simon R. Green

It's tucked away in a quiet corner, shadowed and obscured, no part of the Nightside's usual bright gaudy neon noir. It doesn't advertise and it doesn't care if you habitually pass by on the other side. It's just there for when you need it. Dedicated to the patron saint of lost causes, St. Jude's is an old old place ... St. Jude's isn't a place for comfort for frills and fancies and the trappings of religion. just a place where you can talk to your god and sometimes get an answer. — Simon R. Green

Eddie Drood: Is this why we become agents? To play games, to chase after secrets that are rarely worth all the blood spilled on their behalf ... To end up stabbed in the back, just when you thought you'd won, bleeding out in some nameless backstreet ... With most people never even knowing who you were, or what you did, or why it mattered? — Simon R. Green

Not that far away, Ms. Fate, the Nightside's very own leather-costumed transvestite superheroine, was dancing on a tabletop with demon girl reporter Bettie Divine. — Simon R. Green

But watch where you step, I don't want any clues trampled on.' 'I will trample on your soft and delicate bits if you patronize me again,' said Penny. I looked at MacKay. 'It's true. She would. — Simon R. Green

Love conquers all," murmured Kim. "I heard it in a song, so it must be true. — Simon R. Green

Faith should mean something. Gods . . . should stand for something, not chop and change with every breeze that blows. Gods should be worshipped for the truths they represent, not what party favours they might dispense.-Razor Eddie the Punk God of the Straight Razor — Simon R. Green

Would you really have ... ?" said Julien.
"Almost certainly," I said. "I have deep-seated problems with authority figures."
"But you are one!"
"I know! I can only assume the universe has a really mean sense of humour. — Simon R. Green

They're currently sulking, by the way, and comforting themselves by sending abusive e-mails to Bill Gates. — Simon R. Green

The only good hero is the kind who survives to talk about merchandising. — Simon R. Green

Steal from the best, and call it research! — Simon R. Green

The cream-tiled walls were spattered here and there with old dried bloodstains, deep gouges that might have been clawmarks, and all kinds of graffiti. As usual, someone had spelt Cthulhu wrongly. — Simon R. Green

Poison! Poison gasses, you idiot! Defend yourself! Eat the celery! I thrust a numbing hand into an inside coat pocket, pulled out the piece of celery, and chewed on it. I always keep a piece handy, pre-prepared with all kinds of useful substances, for just such occasions as this. It tasted bitter as I chewed, but it cleared my head rapidly. It's an old trick but a good one, taught me long ago by a Travelling Doctor I met at the Hawk's Wind Bar & Grill. — Simon R. Green

Oh God, it's her, run! — Simon R. Green

sometimes dreams are all that can keep you going. Give them up, and you're dead. — Simon R. Green

First rule of engineering; beware prototypes. Along with, avoid anything made by an engineer who doesn't have all his own fingers — Simon R. Green

faced some strange — Simon R. Green

There's something up ahead,' I said. 'Something really bad.' 'So of course we're heading straight for it,' said Penny. 'At some point, we're going to have to sit down and have a serious talk about making better lifestyle decisions. — Simon R. Green

He's been going on about the End of All Things for as long as I've known him," she said carelessly. "And we're all still here. Hey, want to see a really upsetting party trick I can do with two flick-knives and an unwilling volunteer? — Simon R. Green