Simon Munnery Quotes & Sayings

Like many supermodels, I won't get out of bed for less than £3000. Unlike many supermodels, I don't get out of bed very often. — Simon Munnery

He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool. He who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance. — Simon Munnery

Fish deserve to be caught for they are lazy. Two million years of evolution and they still haven't got out of the water. — Simon Munnery

It is the vanity of women to spend hours in front of the mirror. It is the vanity of men not to bother. — Simon Munnery

I remember when I posed as a customs officer so that I could meet Oscar Wilde. I said to him "Have you anything to declare?" He said "I have nothing to declare but my genius." I said "I'll put that down as nothing then shall I?" For I am the wittiest man on Earth. — Simon Munnery

The truly beautiful are often abused for apparent ugliness just as those with great vision often bump into things. — Simon Munnery

When you look in the mirror and despair and none of your clothes seem appropriate, relax, put the kettle on. It might suit you. — Simon Munnery

I've got nothing against any individual American, except that there aren't any. They're always Irish-American, African-American ... There's never an American-American you can blame. — Simon Munnery

Like bees around honey. Why are bees so attracted to honey, since they make it? It can only be vanity. — Simon Munnery

All men are brothers. Hence war. — Simon Munnery

I wear glasses myself. As an affectation, as a badge of high intellect and to see with. — Simon Munnery

What do you get the man who has everything? Might I suggest a gravestone inscribed with the words: so what? — Simon Munnery

If you only ever read one book in your life ... I highly recommend you keep
your mouth shut — Simon Munnery

I don't worry about losing my looks. It's finding them on someone else that worries me. — Simon Munnery

Although no man is an island, you can make quite an effective raft out of six. — Simon Munnery

Many are willing to suffer for their art. Few are willing to learn to draw. — Simon Munnery

Life is like a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Very popular and not as bad as some would have you believe. That is, unspeakably awful but mercifully brief. — Simon Munnery