Sara Wolf Quotes & Sayings

The waitress scuttles away, and I make a shooing motion at the old couple who're still glaring.
"Don't you have something to better to work on?" I hiss. "Like golfing or eating prunes or dying?"
The old lady looks shocked.
"Okay, sorry, not dying. But seriously, prunes are good for you. — Sara Wolf

And then he came, and pulled her petals off one by one, forcing her to surround herself with thorns to survive. But he missed one petal. And she guards it with a tiger's ferocity. — Sara Wolf

I sleep for an entire day. And when I wake up I'm a new person. I'm empty. I've cried out everything I had in me. I'm an empty shell waiting to be filled with what comes next. Or I'm just being a total drama queen. I'm not empty. I'm still a person. I cried over a bad thing that happened in my life, but I probably shouldn't have. Compared to Mom's crisis, mine was small. Compared to a thousand other girls' around the world, mine is insignificant. It wasn't bad. Not compared to everyone else. It was just a couple seconds. It wasn't years. It wasn't months, like Mom. It wasn't a family member. Wasn't someone I see anymore. It didn't even hurt. There was no blood. It wasn't bad. Not compared to others'. So I should stop crying. — Sara Wolf

Everything else can roast in Satan's left armpit! — Sara Wolf

I hate idiots. There's a difference. It's not my fault a great majority of them in this world happen to be male. — Sara Wolf

This is going to sound slightly stalkerish, but I can't help but notice you've decapitated Jack Skellington and put him on your ears." "What can I say?" Yvette shrugs. "I like bones." "So do I, actually, because our skeletons support a massive interconnected muscular structure and without them we would be blobs of flesh. Also we wouldn't have middle fingers to flip people off with. Are you in Room 14B?" Yvette's eyes widen. "Yeah, so you're -" "MY ROOMMATE!" I screech. A passing guy winces and flips me off. I loudly inform him he has his skeleton to thank for that. — Sara Wolf

Sometimes when life kicks you in the ass, you have to kick it back. In the nuts. With steel-toed boots. Essentially, if someone, anyone, kicks you, it is very mature to take the high-road and not kick them back. But it's not fun. And I'm all about fun. One hundred percent fun. One fundred percent. — Sara Wolf

Ello, love. Fancy a cuppa?"
"You're not British, Isis," Naomi says.
"I can be things," I insist. — Sara Wolf

And offers me a black rose.
"I figured you'd hate flowers, so I decided to get one that matched your soul" He says. I take the flower, careful not to touch any of his long finger. — Sara Wolf

The sadness will last forever. And I think he was right, but I also think he was very, very wrong. It doesn't last forever. Because we don't last forever. — Sara Wolf

Hello, spawn!" I coo at Kayla's baby brother as he waddles into her room. He burps at me.
"It looks like you guys speak the same language," Kayla quips.
"Where was that sass when Jack was making you cry at Avery's party?"
"Uh, hello? He's my crush? I'm not going to sass him."
"Flash 'em the sass before you flash 'em the ass."
"What kind of saying is that?" She laughs.
"Grandma-saying. She's the head of the motorcycle gang at her nursing home. — Sara Wolf

Wanted to love you. I've wanted to take all the hurt away, to hold you and protect you and make you laugh, and smile, and show you what love is. I've wanted to show you for so long that you are worthy of being loved, for exactly who you are. And I tried to deny that, I tried to convince myself ... that I wasn't good enough, that I would do nothing but hurt you. And I have. And I'm sorry. I was afraid. I was afraid of loving someone as delicate and beautiful and unique as you. I knew I only had one chance, and I was terrified I would make a mess of it and you'd only become sadder, and more convinced you were unlovable. I was afraid of my own shortcomings, and because of that I hurt you. — Sara Wolf

I've kept it inside this long. I can do it for a lot longer. Because I'm strong. — Sara Wolf

Yes, because I want to turn my vagina into a gonorrhea culture lab. — Sara Wolf

People like you - you don't find very often. He'll be back." "And when he comes back, I will behead him." I announce. "You'll greet him," Kayla says sternly. "With a hug." "I will greet him with a hug. To his torso. Which will be missing a head. — Sara Wolf

I used to not be into clothes. It's hard to be into clothes when the only thing people see about you is the fat, not the fashion. — Sara Wolf

I'm empty. I've cried out everything I had in me. I'm an empty shell waiting to be filled with what comes next.
Or I'm just being a total drama queen — Sara Wolf

I'm all about that shit."
Mom shoots me the Disapproving-Mom-Subtle-Lip-Frown.
"I'm all about that poop," I correct delicately. — Sara Wolf

Yes, my style sucks. But at least I didn't bowl half a game with a nacho stuck to my ass. — Sara Wolf

Uh, you're the fashionable expert here. I just sort of throw on things that don't have holes in them and hope for the best. I read a Cosmo onece on the toilet. Does that count? — Sara Wolf

Why do I feel the sudden urge to perform violence on your face? — Sara Wolf

Did you know rats can leap over ten feet horizontally? And they always aim for the jugular. — Sara Wolf

If all I need to do is smile, your culture is highly dependent on the shallowness of outer appearances." "Yeah," I laugh. "We know. A million dead philosophers have told us before. — Sara Wolf

Okay, okay. Ms. Muffin stays. But keep in mind; first impressions are everything, and the only people Ms. Muffin will impress are six-year-olds." "Precisely, madre. I don't want to be friends with people who aren't six. At heart. Only at heart. Because it's also fun to legally drive. — Sara Wolf

I'd be honored to try marriage with you - " Jack smiles. "- you big stupid idiot. — Sara Wolf

There's no real value in being happy.
There's no value in something that doesn't last. — Sara Wolf

The only one who's worthy of defeating me is me! Feeling — Sara Wolf

How did you find me? If you hacked into the Club's computer to look up my appointments - "
"Whoa, I think you overestimate me, shitlord. Last time I checked all I did was be in the wrong place at the right time. I saw you and had to - "
"Stalk me."
" - delicately approach you. In a sideways manner. From behind. Without being seen at all. For ten minutes. — Sara Wolf

We fish around blindly in a pool of seven billion people, hoping one of them isn't too crazy or too incompatible with us, and we get so desperate that when we find someone we can stand for two minutes we decide to marry them for life, when in reality they're all wrong for us. But we keep pretending they're right, until we can't anymore, and then we divorce them or break up and we get up and try again, and again, and it chips away at our tiny human hearts. — Sara Wolf

Sometimes people need to be messed up. It reminds them life is short. — Sara Wolf

I'll text if there's issues. Tissues. Not tissues, tissues are disgusting and so are issues. — Sara Wolf

Thinking and talking about love leads to Love, which is the enemy. Do not consort with the enemy. Even if those hot-ass actors in the movies make it look cuddly and nice and tempting, don't fall for it. It's the biggest bad in the world, the worst villain ever created by hormone-pumped pubescent morons. It's the Joker, Lex Luthor, that one overweight guy who's always messing with the Scooby-Doo gang. It's the final boss in the massive joke of a video game you call your life. — Sara Wolf

You'll be okay driving home?" "Duh," I feel miffed that he'd pat me like a child, but also weird and glowy on the inside in places I don't even wanna think about. "I'm like a NASCAR driver. Minus the millions of dollars." "Shame, really. Imagine how many more people you could annoy if you were a millionaire." "At least ten whole people. And their grandmas. — Sara Wolf

Flash 'em the sass before you flash 'em the ass. — Sara Wolf

That one was beautiful, though." She flushes. "Thank you. I started taking classes a month ago. I like them, but I dropped out because all the teacher wanted me to paint were ugly, soulless little watercolor landscapes. No feeling! No passion! — Sara Wolf

Hiding is for babies. And ninjas. — Sara Wolf

Greedy to make things better for those you love. That isn't greed at all. That is ... well ... love. And love is always noble. — Sara Wolf

I wake up i Satan's butthole. — Sara Wolf

You're seventeen! Why do I have to keep reminding you of that? There are soooo many women you haven't even met yet! Don't act like you're tired of the puss-puss, no guy is ever tired of the puss-puss. — Sara Wolf

You, Mr. Bernard,". "Last time I checked they don't pay you to ogle teenage girls. They pay
you to teach. So start teaching."
Mr. Bernard jumps in his chair, clears his throat, and hurriedly goes to the whiteboard and starts writing equations. I salute Jack as I bow out the door.
"Have a great day, Jackoff."
"Try not to get molested, cow," He snaps. — Sara Wolf

But this boy. This stupid, wonderful boy just might be worth it. — Sara Wolf

Just one punch. In the eyeball. With a spoon. — Sara Wolf

What about your funeral, eh?" She asks. "You mean the one that is never going to happen ever because I am going to gather the seven Dragonballs and wish for eternal life?" She laughs. "Yeah, that one. What'd you want for it?" I muse it over for all of six and a half seconds. "Makeouts. Naked dancing. Maybe a cake. — Sara Wolf

Wren laughs when I kneel on the floor and try to do a breakdance head-spin. I end up taking down two people before Kayla kicks me in a friendly manner to get me to stop. — Sara Wolf

Living is really weird. You never get used to it. But it happens anyway. And sometimes you find things that make it a little more comfortable, and you try to hold on to those things, and the tighter you hold, the faster they slip away. — Sara Wolf

You like it. Knowing things about people. It makes you feel powerful. — Sara Wolf

I see them on Facebook through the pictures Dad posts, but it's like they aren't real. It's like they're photoshopped Loch Ness monsters and the University of Whatever is going to prove the hoax by showing me the beam of light in the background is wavy or something. They're real. Sometimes I wish they weren't. And that's horrible, so I stop wishing that. Or at least I try to. — Sara Wolf

I'm crazy and going crazier, and I don't know how to stop it.
I don't know how to stop this hurrible darkness from eating me alive, and no one in the world is going to help me. — Sara Wolf

Sin on a hot biscuit. — Sara Wolf

I leave her to chemically combust and find Wren in the student council office, filling out extremely interesting paperwork. He's buried behind piles of the stuff. I can barely see tufts of his blonde hair poking out. I reach into the paperwork pile and shove the two halves aside. Hundreds of them fall off the desk and to the floor. Papers drift through the air like snowflakes. Fat, boring-ass snowflakes. Wren looks up, face slack with shock.
"Whatcha doing?" I ask.
"Dividing up funding for the other clubs," He whispers, clearly distraught. A paper plops onto his head and slides off dejectedly. I'm respectful for three seconds.
"So anyway, I had this nightmare in which Jack was sexy and Kayla died. — Sara Wolf

She smells like coconut and the tears of every boy who will never have a chance with her. — Sara Wolf

I'm going to the library to taunt an animal dumber than me. Boys count. — Sara Wolf

She looks like an inbred Pomeranian on her best days. — Sara Wolf

Did you have fun? How many boys did you make out with?" She asks. "Seventy. At least." "How many shots did you take?" "Fourteen. I let go of the wheel halfway home and Jesus drove me the rest of the way. — Sara Wolf

Sometimes, we can't do the things we want to do for ourselves. Sometimes we wait for someone else to do them. You can't always wait like that. You have to seek out change on your own. — Sara Wolf

Being pretty is not my thing and I was stupid for testing the logical facts and practical boundaries. There are rules. And the number one rule is don't try to be someone you're not. I'm myself, no matter how ugly that is, and trying to be someone prettier is stupid, a waste of energy. I won't do that ever again, no matter how much I want to. It's not worth it. I will never be anything but ugly. And I've come to terms with that. I've made my peace with that. — Sara Wolf

Bad things happen, and you tell yourself that's life, because you've lived a while and you know bad things happen, and they'll keep happening, but you try to stay alive even after they do because you know it isn't all bad, so you keep moving, keep going, try to put space between you and the bad things so you forget about them but they always catch up and then they sit on your back and make your back and make you trip while you try to move forward and it sucks. — Sara Wolf

When things get hard, people leave — Sara Wolf

Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I don't cry and the don't-cry times are somehow worse than the crying ones. — Sara Wolf

Let's go. We have to confront her."
I scoff. "Confront her? That's a little mild, don't you think? I'm going to rip her tits off. — Sara Wolf

Love is being accepted and adored for who you are, scars and all — Sara Wolf

They judge with their eyes alone. There is nothing wrong with you. There is something very wrong with them. — Sara Wolf

The words are holloew. But that's okay. Most things are, these days. — Sara Wolf

Jack doesn't give a jackshit about me. No, wait, I got that backwards. I don't give a jackshit about Jack the Shit. — Sara Wolf

You try to. You try to stop all these injustices, and save people from them. But you never try to save yourself — Sara Wolf

Listen to me carefully, sweet girl. Don't live any other way than the way that makes you happy. If you aren't happy, leave your lover. If you aren't happy, quit the job. If you aren't happy, do more to make yourself happy. Because you are the only one who can make yourself happy. — Sara Wolf

Most things that pop into my head are really weird, like that one time when I thought about Shrek in Victoria's Secret underwear. — Sara Wolf

I wake up in Satan's butthole. Everything is white - white walls, white beds, white light. Or Narnia. It could be Narnia. Did I die and go to Narnia? Because that would be rad. — Sara Wolf

I cannot, for the life of me, remember what we were just conversing about! Alas. I will forever remember this time we spent together affectionately and oh god I remember now you pervert!"
"You were the one who shouted 'sex'!" He hisses.
"You were the one who was born, so really I think that's the root of the problem. — Sara Wolf

It's the fear of what's in the dark that scares us, not the dark itself. Thanks, ancient Chinese philosophers. You guys are the best. And the deadest. But mostly the best. Jack's — Sara Wolf

Horror. Horrible. The things people do these days to disrespect the dead are just awful. So we're going to respect my dead friend properly." "By stuffing the chimney full of fireworks." "By stuffing the chimney full of fireworks!" She agrees. — Sara Wolf

Life is too long to be sad. — Sara Wolf

Hogwarts didn't even send me a letter and I haven't actually forgiven them for that. Wait until I go to London and find Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters and slip through to the other side and unleash my rage. I'll make Voldemort look like a sock puppet. And I'll make-out with Draco. And I'll train a bunch of house-elves to fan me and bring me grapes - — Sara Wolf

Hairy monkeyballs!" I hiss. "Dogshit on a stick! Puke pancakes!"
A head pokes in. Wren, green eyes smiling, walks over to my bed.
"I knew you were awake. Who else spews such original and captivating swears? — Sara Wolf

My gut isn't wrong. Except when it has diarrhea. Then it is very, very wrong. — Sara Wolf

But what kind of barbed love could I offer her? I'm
broken, shattered like a mirror of lies. She would try to
pick up my pieces and only cut her delicate fingers on
them. Any love I could give her would hurt her more,
when all I want to do is heal her. I want to build her
back up, not tear her down with me. She is too
important. — Sara Wolf

It indebts me to them. I abhor the feeling of being indebted to anyone. — Sara Wolf

Newsflash; not everything that
drops from your gorgeous dumb mouth is
the truth." There's a pause. "Ah, shit. I just called you gorgeous. Now I have to commit seppuku."
"Don't you dare," I mumble into her neck. — Sara Wolf

Dying before you pay someone back is just plain rude. — Sara Wolf

I will pull your pancreas out through your nose and feed it back to you in a drip inserted into your anus is that clear? — Sara Wolf

I love you," I blurt. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for saying it, but I love you. — Sara Wolf

Have to start taking things mildly seriously, now! Ugh! Just the word sends shivers down my spine. Serious. Seeeerious. Cereal-ous. Trix are for kids. College is not for kids. College is for grown-ups. — Sara Wolf

Two closets wait to be filled with shoes or condoms or failed exams or whatever else college kids fill empty spaces with. Broken dreams, maybe. — Sara Wolf

Struggling through young adulthood is half the fun, or so I've been told. Except we all know that's bullshit. It wasn't fun at all. It was painful, and now I just wanna go somewhere no one knows me, start the next chapter of my life fresh. But I can't. — Sara Wolf

Yes, well, now I am an extremely mature, responsible adult, and I can do things like discuss my trials and tribulations calmly." "Uh-huh," Gran says expectantly. "Such as making out. I did actually make out with someone." Gran waits. "I mean, I punched him before I made out with him. But it was a mature punch. — Sara Wolf

Is it? Because that picture of me was taken by my old school's yearbook club, and they put it in the section titled 'STUDENT FAILSAUCES! XD.
What's an XD?
A sideways laughing face of horrendous proportions. Don't change the subject. — Sara Wolf

Dad," I whine. "My friend died and I gotta go kick life in the nuts. — Sara Wolf

It comes true because we're wise, dear. — Sara Wolf

I'm not the princess, I'm the goddamn dragon, and you can't seem to see that. — Sara Wolf

It's okay, buddy!" I shade my eyes and look up at the sky. "Luckily for you, I am both stunningly good-looking and benevolent. I forgive you!" He drops a fat deuce on my shoulder in gratitude. — Sara Wolf

You never get used to being slotted into a giant doughnut's vagina. — Sara Wolf

I will be the silent protector Gotham Kayla needs — Sara Wolf

Come! Come sit by me. It's a nice bench. Nice and lovely on the butt."
"You're drunk."
"Yeah, and you're ugly, but do I complain about it? No! Because I don't complain about things that I can't change. That's called intelligence. — Sara Wolf

Everything happens all the time forever, and this would be a terrifying concept if I wasn't so enlightened and in-tune with the natural forces of the universe, which include but aren't limited to; A. taco salad, B. taco salad, and C. my own glorious ass (glorioass). — Sara Wolf

Imagine having sex with a vampire."
"Imagine going to church and praying to your lord and savior," I offer. — Sara Wolf

I would love to slap you right now, but I'm currently wielding a nine pound ball and I'm afraid that would be called murder. — Sara Wolf

Yvette informs me janitors cannot fly. Vampires, however, can. "Vampires are gross," I determine. "Have you even read Twilight?" "I've read so many things that are not that. — Sara Wolf

I have a talent for hurting things," Jack perches the rifle on his cocked hip, and it's so insufferably arrogant I want to shove him into the ball pit next to us and slash or furiously make out with him. "But we always knew that, didn't we? — Sara Wolf

Anyway, I like you but you're ruining my life. Bye. — Sara Wolf

I always knew you had good taste, Mia. You should go talk to him." "I should go talk to him. I should also file my taxes on time, remember to floss regularly, and inherit seven million dollars. But I won't. Ever. — Sara Wolf