Ramani Durvasula Quotes & Sayings

The democratization of media means that anyone with a phone can become a celebrity. Our short-sighted focus on self-esteem in children means that everyone gets a trophy, universities and education are "brands" instead of places of learning, standardized tests
are used to assess wisdom, and grade inflation is rampant. The tribe has been replaced with followers and likes. Our economy, our bodies, our health, our children, and frankly our psyches are in big trouble. — Ramani Durvasula

Relationships with narcissists are held in place by hope
of a "someday better," with little evidence to support it will ever arrive. — Ramani Durvasula

Narcissism is, indeed, the new world order. — Ramani Durvasula

Entrusting your dreams or aspirations to the wrong person could be a critical mistake, lest they mistreat or neglect them. We are not nearly as careful with our dreams as we should be. — Ramani Durvasula

Fear is the most powerful adhesive we have. Fear unites, because if two people are afraid, then even as the authentic ties that may have once bound them disappear, the fear ties are as sticky as a spider's web. — Ramani Durvasula

Breaking childhood teachings is never easy, and in essence, they are like white noise that can sometimes stop us from listening to ourselves, or having to listen to ourselves. — Ramani Durvasula

Increasingly, we are emptying the connection,
respect, and empathy out of one of the most important and healthy of human experiences and turning it into branding, showmanship, and posturing. In the midst of this epidemic and cultural shift into narcissism, relationships have taken the hardest hit of all. — Ramani Durvasula

Narcissism is very much a "disorder of superficiality." Given that the entire world is trending towards greater superficiality in all endeavors - work, school, parenting, and love - the narcissists' propensity toward superficiality no longer seems that unusual. — Ramani Durvasula

When relationships have outlived their shelf life, people often realize that at some level, they are sticking it our because they once thought in the light of their divine love that the other person would change. Sorry for breaking the poetic hope here, but that doesn't happen. People are like rubber bands. They may be able to stretch from time to time and do some amazing things, but in general they are who they are. If manipulation and machinations on your side get them to behave the way you want, I will set my clock on the fact that they will return to their previous way of behaving, or they will keep faking it. To be in a relationship with someone who is not really there doesn't make sense. People who aren't cooperating feel like a project to us, like something for us to rescue or fix. Rescuing is the province of firefighters and fairy tales, but it's not real life. The stance of sticking it out in hopes of redemption is an old story and one that has wasted many lives. — Ramani Durvasula

If you are going to go to the trouble of choosing healthy food for your plate, shouldn't you also choose healthy people for your life? — Ramani Durvasula

The best way to choose the wrong door, or never even open the door, is to let fear run the show. When you reflect on any big-ticket decision you have made on the basis of fear and anxiety, you can almost guarantee you made the wrong decision. — Ramani Durvasula

The pendulum has overcorrected from the cruel era of rapping a disobedient child's knuckles with a ruler to
giving every child a trophy for showing up. Every child should have the experience of being loved unconditionally, supported, and encouraged,
but this requires more than a standing ovation every time he or she enters the room. — Ramani Durvasula

Relationships, like all human experiences, are transient; they change every day and are meant to be enjoyed in the present. When I hear people say you need to "work" at a relationship, what that often really means is just seeing through the day-to-day; listening to another person, listening to yourself, not getting stuck on hurts from the past, and not getting lost in what might come. To be in a relationship with someone you respect, care about and value is a gift, and when you take that in the day-to-day, you honor yourself and your partner each day. Eating is no different in that you can honor yourself at each meal. So much time in relationships is spent hashing the past, and arguing about things that haven't yet happened. A relationship cannot be "hoarded", just like a meal cannot be prolonged by taking home the leftovers. — Ramani Durvasula

The fact is, many people do not know how treat themselves and are experts at putting themselves down. In fact, if most of us were in a relationship with ourselves, we would break up with us, given how badly we treat ourselves. — Ramani Durvasula