Noel Coward Quotes & Sayings

Squash - that's not exercise, it's flagellation. — Noel Coward

I see her as one great stampede of lips directed at the nearest derriere. — Noel Coward

It's such a surprise for the Eastern eyes to see,
That though the English are effete
They're quite impervious to heat. — Noel Coward

Someday I suspect, when Jesus has definitely got me for a sunbeam, my works may be adequately assessed. — Noel Coward

I don't much care for Hollywood, I'd rather have a nice cup of cocoa. — Noel Coward

I will accept anything in the theatre ... provided it amuses or moves me. But if it does neither, I want to go home. — Noel Coward

Christopher Marlowe or Francis Bacon The author of Lear remains unshaken Willie Herbert or Mary Fitton What does it matter? The Sonnets were written. — Noel Coward

As one gets older, one discovers everything is going to be exactly the same with different hats on. — Noel Coward

If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday. — Noel Coward

Exercise is the most awful illusion. The secret is a lot of aspirin and marrons glaces. — Noel Coward

What I adore is supreme professionalism. I'm bored by writers who can write only when it's raining. — Noel Coward

Dear 338171 (May I call you 338?) — Noel Coward

Madame Bovary is the sexiest book imaginable. The woman's virtually a nyphomaniac but you won't find a vulgar word in the entire thing. — Noel Coward

It's a pity you didn't have a little more brandy. It might have made you more agreeable! — Noel Coward

AMANDA: I think very few people are completely normal really, deep down in their private lives. — Noel Coward

I like long walks, especialy when they are taken by people who annoy me. — Noel Coward

Comedies of manners swiftly become obsolete when there are no longer any manners. — Noel Coward

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy. — Noel Coward

Sunburn is very becoming - but only when it is even - one must be careful not to look like a mixed grill. — Noel Coward

Las Vegas:
It was not cafe society, it was Nescafe society. — Noel Coward

I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise. — Noel Coward

Success is far more perilous than failure, isn't it? You've got to be doubly strong and watchful and wary. — Noel Coward

She stopped the show - but then the show wasn't traveling very fast. — Noel Coward

My philosophy is as simple as ever - smoking, drinking, moderate sexual intercourse on a diminishing scale, reading and writing (not arithmetic). I have a selfish absorption in the well-being and achievement of Noel Coward. — Noel Coward

I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage. — Noel Coward

Hollywood is a place where some people lie on the beach and look up at the stars, whereas other people lie on the stars and look down at the beach. — Noel Coward

How was your flight? Well, aeronautically it was a great success. Socially, it left quite a bit to be desired. — Noel Coward

Television is for appearing on, not looking at. — Noel Coward

Of course, the age-old tradition that a star must appear even if he or she is practically dying is an excellent one, but it can be carried too far. I one played a performance of The Knight of the Burning Pestle with a temperature of 103 and gave sixteen members of the company mumps, thereby closing the play and throwing everybody out of work. There may be a moral lurking somewhere in this, but I cannot for the life of me discover what it is. — Noel Coward

Any part of the piggy Is quite all right with me Ham from Westphalia, ham from Parma Ham as lean as the Dalai Lama Ham from Virginia, ham from York, Trotters Sausages, hot roast pork. Crackling crisp for my teeth to grind on Bacon with or without the rind on Though humanitarian I'm not a vegetarian. I'm neither crank nor prude nor prig And though it may sound infra dig Any part of the darling pig Is perfectly fine with me. — Noel Coward

Fifty-four years of love and tenderness and crossness and devotion and unswerving loyalty. Without her I could have achieved a quarter of what I have achieved, not only in terms of success and career, but in terms of personal happiness. — Noel Coward

If he (Peter O'Toole) had been any prettier it would have been Florence of Arabia. — Noel Coward

A bloody good thing, but too late. — Noel Coward

How foolish to think that one can ever slam the door in the face of age. Much wiser to be polite and gracious and ask him to lunch in advance. — Noel Coward

An infant prodigy of nine is shoved upon the stage in white. She starts off in a dismal whine about a dark and stormy night, a burglar, whose heart is true, despite his wicked-looking face, who puts the little child in doom, to save her mamma's jewel case. This may bring tears to every eye; it does not set my heart on fire. I'd like to stand serenely by and watch that horrid child expire. — Noel Coward

My importance to the world is relatively small. On the other hand, my importance to myself is tremendous. I am all I have to work with, to play with, to suffer and to enjoy. It is not the eyes of others that I am wary of, but of my own. I do not intend to let myself down more than I can possibly help, and I find that the fewer illusions I have about myself or the world around me, the better company I am for myself. — Noel Coward

Time is the reef upon which all our mystic ships are wrecked. — Noel Coward

But why, oh why, do the wrong people travel, when the right people stay at home? — Noel Coward

Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture. — Noel Coward

Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs. — Noel Coward

You kissed me because you were awfully nice and I was awfully nice and we both liked kissing very much. It was inevitable. — Noel Coward

How about slipping out of those wet things and into a dry Martini? — Noel Coward

Never mind, dear, we're all made the same, though some more than others. — Noel Coward

He's completely unspoiled by failure. — Noel Coward

It'll never get well if you pick it. — Noel Coward

[Garry Essendine]: That is no prostitute, but the wife of one of my best friends! — Noel Coward

It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit. — Noel Coward

Work hard, do the best you can, don't ever lose faith in yourself and take no notice of what other people say about you. — Noel Coward

Bed is the perfect climate. — Noel Coward

I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me. — Noel Coward

Strange how potent cheap music is. — Noel Coward

The human race is a letdown, Ernest - a bad, bad letdown. And I'm disgusted with it. It thinks it's progressed, but it hasn't. It thinks it's risen above the primeval slime, but it hasn't. It's wallowing in it. It's still clinging to us, clinging to our hair and to our eyes and to our souls. We've invented a few things that make noises, but we haven't invented one big thing that creates quiet. Endless, peaceful quiet. Something to pull over us like a gigantic eiderdown, something to deaden the sound of our emotional yellings and screechings and suffocate our psychological confusions. — Noel Coward

Goodnight my darlings, I'll see you tomorrow. — Noel Coward

The higher the building the lower the morals. — Noel Coward

The air is like a draught of wine.
The undertaker cleans his sign,
The Hull express goes off the line,
When it's raspberry time in Runcorn. — Noel Coward

I can't sing, but I know how to, which is quite different. — Noel Coward

Here ends the story of a ship, but there will always be other ships, for we are an island race. Through all our centuries, the sea has ruled our destiny. There will always be other ships and men to sail in them. It is these men, in peace or war, to whom we owe so much. Above all victories, beyond all loss, in spite of changing values in a changing world, they give to us, their countrymen, eternal and indomitable pride. — Noel Coward

Grab it while you can - grab every scrap of happiness while you can — Noel Coward

I'll go through life either first class or third, but never in second. — Noel Coward

Trust your instincts. If you have no instincts, trust your impulses. — Noel Coward

It is my considered opinion that the human race (soi disant) is cruel, idiotic, sentimental, predatory, ungrateful, ugly, conceited and egocentric to the last ditch and that the occasional discovery of an isolated exception is as deliciously surprising as finding a sudden brazil nut in what you know to be five pounds of vanilla creams. These glorious moments, although not making life actually worth living, perhaps, at least make it pleasanter. — Noel Coward

All that technical expertise isn't worth a damn if you don't get the best out of people, though ... These were leaders who saw strength in ordinary people and showed them how to break tyranny. — Noel Coward

An echo from the past when, innocent
We looked upon the present with delight
And doubted not the future would be kinder
And never knew the loneliness of night. — Noel Coward

There are dark times just around the corner. There are dark clouds travelling through the sky. And it's no good whining about a silver lining. For we know from experience they won't roll by. — Noel Coward

Couldn't you see that all my flippancy was only a mask, hiding my real emotions
crushing them down desperately! — Noel Coward

People have died from hiccups, you know. — Noel Coward

My life really has been one long extravaganza. — Noel Coward

The theatre should be treated with respect. The theatre is a wonderful place, a house of strange enchantment, a temple of illusion. What it most emphatically is not and never will be is a scruffy, ill-lit, fumed-oak drill hall serving as a temporary soap box for political propaganda. — Noel Coward

CHRISTMAS is at our throats again. — Noel Coward

Everybody was up to something, especially, of course, those who were up to nothing. — Noel Coward

I don't think pornography is harmful, but it is terribly, terribly boring. — Noel Coward

I don't know what London's coming to - the higher the buildings the lower the morals. — Noel Coward

People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it. — Noel Coward

Good heavens, television is something you appear on; you don't watch. — Noel Coward

Criticism and Bolshevism have one thing in common. They both seek to pull down that which they could never build. — Noel Coward

Entering an white tie and tails party wearing an ordinary suit, he announced,Please, I don't want anyone to apologize for over dressing. — Noel Coward

It's no good pacing up and down. It won't make the plane arrive any faster. Just sit down and accept that we're delayed. You're just making a fool of yourself. — Noel Coward

Let's drink to the spirit of gallantry and courage that made a strange Heaven out of unbelievable Hell, and let's drink to the hope that one day this country of ours, which we love so much, will find dignity and greatness and peace again. — Noel Coward

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is. — Noel Coward

My body has certainly wandered a good deal, but I have an uneasy suspicion that my mind has not wandered enough. — Noel Coward

I have always been very fond of them (drama critics) ... I think it is so frightfully clever of them to go night after night to the theatre and know so little about it. — Noel Coward

Television is for appearing on - not for looking at. — Noel Coward

Thousands of people have talent. I might as well congratulate you for having eyes in your head. The one and only thing that counts is: Do you have staying power? — Noel Coward

I write at high speed because boredom is bad for my health. — Noel Coward

Many years ago I remember a famous actress explaining to me with perfect seriousness that before making an entrance she always stood aside to allow God to go on first. I can also remember that on that particular occasion He gave a singularly uninspired performance. — Noel Coward

I'm an enormously talented man, and there's no use pretending that I'm not.. — Noel Coward

There isn't a particle of you that I don't know, remember, and want. — Noel Coward

I can take any amount of criticism, as long as it is unqualified praise. — Noel Coward

Conceit is an outward manifestation of inferiority. — Noel Coward

Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the mid-day sun. — Noel Coward

Star quality: I don't know what it is, but I've got it. — Noel Coward

I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age - which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday. — Noel Coward

For gin, in cruel sober truth, supplies the fuel for flaming youth. — Noel Coward

It's never too early for a cocktail. — Noel Coward

Wit is like caviar - it should be served in small portions and not spread about like marmalade. — Noel Coward

He must have been an incredibly good shot. — Noel Coward

A.E. Matthews ambled through This Was a Man like a charming retriever who has buried a bone and can't quite remember where. — Noel Coward

You will know you're old when you cease to be amazed. — Noel Coward

Acting is not a state of being ... but a state of appearing to be. You can't be eight times a week without going stark staring mad. You've got to be in control. — Noel Coward

I've sometimes thought of marrying - and then I've thought again. — Noel Coward