Nicole Sobon Quotes & Sayings

I really need to remember to block my thoughts."
"Oh, come on," he pulled me closer towards him. "Why are you so scared?"
"Because the second that I let this conversation happen, I'll be letting my walls down. No matter what answer you give me, you'll have some sort of power over me, and I don't want that." I pushed past him, plopping down on the bed, not bothering to remove my boots.
I could feel the mattress sink beside me. Ian ran his fingers through my hair. "Come here," he spoke softly. "Please." I pushed myself into a sitting position, and moved closer to him, leaning my head on Ian's shoulder. "I like this, a lot. It feels nice." Ian lifted my chin so that I was forced to look directly at him, and then he leaned in to kiss me. — Nicole Sobon

Lucas' mind was an interesting place. He was always thinking of a back up plan, there was always an escape already in place just in case things went wrong. It was fascinating, yet frightening at the same time. Through his memories I was able to determine that at some point in his life, he was actually a decent human being. — Nicole Sobon

Does it truly make a difference how I'm alive? I asked him.
But he didn't answer.
I walked over to where Hayden stood, resting my hand on his. I looked at the photo he held before making my way along the wall. Every photo was of our family. The family that existed before the accident. The family that existed before I was struck by a car. I wasn't supposed to remember it, but I did. When they exported my memories and my life from my body, every trace of the accident was supposed to be erased. But it still remained.
You can't erase death.
That was what Hayden was trying to tell me. No matter how much he wanted to forget, he couldn't. — Nicole Sobon

I needed Hack to think that I would comply, that I'd go along with his nonsense because that would be the only way to discover the truth. I needed him to think he was in control so that he could slip up. All it would take was one mishap on his end, that was all I would need.
One mistake and I would be able to figure out what he was hiding.
So instead of allowing my anger to guide me, I chose to allow hope to lead me in the right direction.
Hope was my ammunition.
And I was the weapon. — Nicole Sobon

It never ceased to amaze me just how fast one could lose everything. — Nicole Sobon

The thing about the truth was that it sometimes tore apart the perfect world we forced ourselves into believing existed. — Nicole Sobon

Together. The fact that one single word could send my heart aflutter was utterly ridiculous. I didn't fall for boys I hardly knew. At least, I hadn't until I met Glate.
The night in the shack, things changed between us. The walls I'd built up once the Sectors were formed? Glate had torn them down, and I knew that Lex could see that by the daggers he kept shooting our way.
Was I in love with Glate? No, though I was sure Lex thought otherwise.
Glate was the stability I sought in a world of discord; being with him made things easier to handle. I wasn't weak, but even I had my breaking point, and when I was ready to break, he was there to pick up all of the pieces. He was there, something I could never say for Lex.
"Thank you," I said after a few moments of silence. "For everything."
"Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on," he said. "I'm more than willing to be that shoulder for you, Taylen. I'm willing to be whatever you need me to be. Just know that. — Nicole Sobon

I'd spent my entire life in Seattle, watching others pass me by, day after day, completely oblivious to me. I remained along the background. I was an outsider; the eye looking in on the world around me.
I was the puppet eager to cut her strings.
I had witnessed the transformation humans must undergo in order to become Programs. I had watched as their humanity was stripped from them while they lay motionless, their hearts barely beating. My uncle had told the others that he only took bodies of the deceased, but those of us who had spent time in the operating rooms knew differently. — Nicole Sobon

For one last time, I said my goodbyes to the place I'd known as home for the last decade, and for the first time, I welcomed the unknown. — Nicole Sobon

Just as I allowed them to live in my mind, I allowed them to die. — Nicole Sobon

I had an unfortunate habit of allowing my anger to blind me. An extremely unfortunate habit. Glate knew that, and he knew how to stop me from doing something stupid. He was my sense of reality in a world thrown off balance. But he wasn't here now. — Nicole Sobon

You know," I fold my arms over my chest. "You're quite annoying, but I guess your company is better than no company." Keegan presses his arm against the wall beside my head and smiles. His curly black hair stands out against his pale skin. The slightest bit of sunlight finds its way inside the patio, reflecting upon his icy green eyes. His light pink lips turn up in a smile. With his mouth closed, he is actually quite attractive. — Nicole Sobon

How could you explain to someone that sometimes it was not worth living in the past when the past was all that they had worth living for? — Nicole Sobon

You love them, even though they're gone. In order to love you need to live, if you give up on life you can no longer love. You'd no longer have the capability to love them. — Nicole Sobon

I closed my eyes, seeking a moment of peace but finding none. Behind my eyelids, an entirely new nightmare was waiting. This wasn't another haunting memory. This was a new form of torture. — Nicole Sobon

Haven't you ever heard the saying that our pasts do not define us?" I countered, growing frustrated. "I screwed up, Hayden. I admitted that. Why can't you let it go?"
"Let it go?" He sneered. "You are the reason my sister is a Program. Please, tell me how I'm supposed to let something like that go? Because I'd love to know."
Footsteps sounded from outside of the holding cell, essentially ending our conversation. I still had much to say to him, but for now, I welcomed the silence.
The silence was much more comforting than the truth. — Nicole Sobon

Body went tense, forcing goose bumps to rise over my bare arms. My tough demeanor had been ripped apart and was replaced by a frightened little girl in need of her father's protection. But he wasn't here, and all I had was Jeremy. It wasn't his responsibility to protect me. He shouldn't have to worry about me.
And I shouldn't be falling apart like this. — Nicole Sobon

Wait. Was that a thank you, or a lecture?" I stared back at Ramona, eyebrows raised.
"A bit of both, I suppose." She laughed. "Just do not do anything that stupid again. Got it?"
"Would you believe me if I swore to you that I wouldn't anything stupid, ever again?"
"Not for a second. — Nicole Sobon

People screw up. People screw up a lot. We allow our own selfishness to overpower us at times. It happens. But you can't allow that to tear you down. You can't keep dwelling on your past choices, and your past actions, or else you'll never learn from them. — Nicole Sobon

It was easy to believe in anything when you were desperate enough ... — Nicole Sobon

Hope could be a devastating emotion if you allowed it to control you.
But it was a risk that I was willing to take. — Nicole Sobon

My past is trying to catch up to me and I must continue run from it. It's the only way I can live. — Nicole Sobon

This is your idea of mission uniform?" Cole asked, eyeing my burgundy leather ensemble.
I arched a brow at him as I shoved my cell phone inside of my back pant pocket. "What? Do you have a problem with it?"
"Well, last I checked, we were supposed to get in and take care of the mission without drawing any attention to ourselves."
"And we will," I assured him. "Just remember to keep your eyes on the target as opposed to on me, and we'll be fine. — Nicole Sobon

As much as I hated the silence, I also found a small part of me that appreciated it. Because, even for just a brief moment, it allowed me to escape the chaos that surrounded me. Silence, as unnerving as it was, was also rather beautiful. — Nicole Sobon

Taylen," Glate whispered, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Are you okay?"
Was I okay? No. I was a complete and utter wreck, but there was no way in hell I was going to show him that. "I'm dandy."
"You're a terrible liar." He propped himself up on his elbow, and leaned in closer, resting his chin on my shoulder. My body was well aware of how close he was, and it took everything in me to fight the urge to turn and face him. Teenage hormones were the absolute worst. "You know how I can tell?" he asked, running a single finger down my arm.
"How?" the word barely escaped my lips.
"Your voice trembles," he whispered. Glate moved his hand to my hips and pulled me back towards him. "Whenever you lie, you get this slight tremble in your voice. It's almost as if you're scared to admit the truth, so you try to conjure up a lie, but the fear engulfs your words on the way out, calling your bluff. — Nicole Sobon

I knew it was a terrible idea. We were supposed to be leaving our past behind us, not fully embracing it. But she was a part of my past that I wanted to hold onto. She was my only reminder of Tommy, my only remaining connection. I couldn't let that die, not yet. — Nicole Sobon

The sun's rays reflected beautifully upon the water, creating a magnificent glistening effect over the waves. The pier to the left was docking ships, while on the right, a ferry took off into the open waters. It was a beautiful sight to watch; how small everything looked in something as big as the ocean. It reminded me of people, how we were just a small part of what made up the world. Our numbers might be large, but we were not alone in this world. We were insignificant to nature. — Nicole Sobon

I shot him a smile and spun back around to face my computer screen, unable to process what the hell had just happened. That was when I noticed a small Post-It-note pressed against my Dell monitor. Scribbled across the neon pink sticky was a note from Jesse:
Evie, what are you so afraid of?
-Jesse
What was I afraid of? I was afraid of everything.
I was afraid of letting people in.
I was afraid of falling.
But most of all, I was afraid of myself. I was my own worst enemy.
I grabbed a blank Post-It note from the container on my desk and pulled a black pen out of my coat pocket. I allowed my hand to move freely, not thinking of my response. Only then, after I placed the pen down on my desk did I read what I'd written.
Reality. — Nicole Sobon

On one hand, I knew that we should have headed back to the others. Taking time to get cozy with Glate wasn't the smartest of choices, especially given what had happened last time we tried to take advantage of what little free time we'd had with one another.
But on the other hand? Life was far too short to not give into temptation every now and again. We were all merely existing to die at one point or another. There would be no happily-ever-after for any of us. Life was what you made of it, and even if the world that I had found myself in had been complete and utter shit, I had decided that I would see to it that I lived out my last days happily. — Nicole Sobon

There is no way of stopping death, not here. You can prolong it. But at some point, it is bound to catch up to you. — Nicole Sobon

I walked slowly, my eyes focused on the gravel beneath me. I didn't know where I was going, not that I cared. I just needed to get away. Soon enough, I'd find my way home. I had to believe that.
There was a loud crackling noise in the sky as the thunder rolled through the clouds. I threw my head back, admiring the storm above. The sky was dark with flashes of white sparking throughout with each bolt of lightening following behind the thunder. It was beautiful. "After the storm, you will find peace." I smiled as the sound boomed through the quiet neighborhood. And in that moment I felt at one with the storm as the pain inside of me slowly began to seep out. — Nicole Sobon

He's safe, I repeated to myself over and over again. But even I knew it wasn't the truth. For now he was safe, but they'd find him. Eventually they'd find him, they always do. I was supposed to protect him. I was supposed to keep him alive. Instead I'd brought him directly into the lion's pit. — Nicole Sobon

This cell was a form of hell. I was trapped in my past, unable to escape my mistakes, forced to relive them each time a new body was brought in.
It was tortuous, and so much like my uncle. — Nicole Sobon

Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over. — Nicole Sobon