Mindy Kaling Quotes & Sayings

I love that 'Much Ado About Nothing,' passionate, smart fighting. I love fighting with guys, and that's something that I don't get to see: arguing at a high level with a member of the opposite sex. That didn't really happen that much on 'The Office.' I just like that 'Moonlighting,' Benedick-Beatrice type of thing. — Mindy Kaling

Personally, I, Mindy Kaling want to spend like 80 percent of my life hanging out with women. — Mindy Kaling

It has come to the point where if I know I'm leaving a house with a man, I can factor in a bathroom visit or a phone call or both, and when I'm done, he'll almost be done tying his shoes. — Mindy Kaling

It used to be that you had to make female TV characters perfect so no one would be offended by your 'portrayal' of women. Even when I started out on 'The Office' eight years ago, we could write our male characters funny and flawed, but not the women. And now, thankfully, it's completely different. — Mindy Kaling

Anyone who's lost someone to cancer will say this, that you have to struggle to try to remember the person before the diagnosis happened, because they really do change - as anyone would change. — Mindy Kaling

I was just this chubby little Indian kid who looked like a nerd. I didn't have a ton of academic skills. It wasn't until I was in high school that I was like, "I guess I like writing dialogue." So that's how I got into it. — Mindy Kaling

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it. — Mindy Kaling

If you are going to ask your crush for their phone number, you are one of the small group of women I am so jealous of. — Mindy Kaling

When I was twenty-five, I went on exactly four dates with a much older guy whom I'll call Peter Parker. I'm calling him Peter Parker because the actual guy's name was also alliterative, and because, well, it's my book and I'll name a guy I dated after Spider-Man's alter ego if I want to. — Mindy Kaling

Which I would write on Sunday afternoons sitting cross-legged on my bedroom floor with no pants on. — Mindy Kaling

My whole childhood was like: Work hard, be quiet, respect elderly people, respect your parents, and just be unobtrusive. — Mindy Kaling

The chorus of "Jack and Diane" is: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Are you kidding me? The thrill of living was high school? Come on, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get a life. — Mindy Kaling

I'm so much more confident and sexy at thirty-eight than I ever was when I was eighteen or twenty-four ... — Mindy Kaling

From now on, let's all agree that hooking up = sex. Everything else is "made out." And if you're older than twenty-eight, then just kissing someone doesn't count for crap and is not even worth mentioning. Unless you're Mormon, in which case you're going to hell. — Mindy Kaling

I never knew you could have someone in your life who was pretty much on the same page about essentially everything. — Mindy Kaling

My relationship with my mom is really the single most profound relationship that I've ever had in my life. — Mindy Kaling

Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn't always mean your parents. If you do that, you will be fine. — Mindy Kaling

That's my advice to people. You can't get hung up on thinking, "Am I the victim in this situation?" No, I'm in charge of it. — Mindy Kaling

I want a guy who wants to curl up on a Friday night and watch Netflix. He can even pick the show. I mean, ideally, it's serialized and female-driven, — Mindy Kaling

Not getting Lasik at this point is like being that girl in 2006 who didn't have a cell phone. — Mindy Kaling

A remarkable thing about me is that the time that elapses between a sad thought and a flood of tears is three or four seconds. — Mindy Kaling

I know a small part of you thinks you could've ended up with Natalie Portman if you had played things a little differently. That's nice. You can have that. That's not hurting anybody. — Mindy Kaling

I was always a silent comedy nerd. I would stay up late and sneak downstairs to watch 'Saturday Night Live' and 'Kids in the Hall,' and things like that. Very early on, my parents realized that I was not going to be an engineer or a doctor. I just don't have those inclinations, at all. — Mindy Kaling

I'm the kind of person who becomes silent when I get scared, because I hope Death will not notice me if I am very still and very quiet. It has worked well so far. — Mindy Kaling

No, that is boring. If people want to see medical stuff they should watch ER. — Mindy Kaling

And the scary thing I have noticed is that some people really feel uncomfortable around women who don't hate themselves. — Mindy Kaling

As it is, I guess I find "Jack & Diane" a little disgusting. As a child of immigrant professionals, I can't help but notice the wasteful frivolity of it all. — Mindy Kaling

I'm getting made fun of because I used to be fat? The laws of bullying allow you to be cruel even when the victim had made strides for improvement? This is when I realized that bullies have no code of conduct. — Mindy Kaling

I will leave you with one last piece of advice, which is: If you've got it, flaunt it. And if you don't got it? Flaunt it. 'Cause what are we even doing here if we're not flaunting it? — Mindy Kaling

I'm giving a lot of opinions, but I don't give any advice. I'm 31 and I'm not married and having kids. I'm five-foot-three. I weigh, like, 150 pounds and I'm not in this position to be telling people how to live. — Mindy Kaling

As I've gotten older, I can look at myself more clearly and own the things that I'm good at and work on the things that I'm not. Like, I am not skinny. I know that if I were to lose a little weight I'd literally have more time in the morning because I know clothes would fit better. And now I can look at those things more practically. Instead of being like, "What does that say about me?," now I'm just like, "That would be great to sleep in an extra fifteen minutes because I wasn't trying on everything in my closet." — Mindy Kaling

The truth is, if I were going to lose weight successfully, I would have to think about what I eat constantly. I cannot imagine a life more boring and a more time-consuming obsession than being preoccupied with what I eat. — Mindy Kaling

My mother is more of an adviser. I followed everything she did when I was younger, because I looked up to her so much. — Mindy Kaling

Um, Mindy is much less like Elizabeth Bennet than she is a combination of Carrie Bradshaw and Eric Cartman. — Mindy Kaling

I also became familiar with an entirely new category of people: the unhappily married person. They are everywhere, and they are ten thousand times more depressing than a divorced person. My friend Tim, whose name I've changed, obviously, has gotten more and more depressing since he married his girlfriend of seven years. Tim is the kind of guy who corners you at a party to tell you, vehemently, that marriage is work And that you have to work on it constantly. And that going to couples' therapy is not only normal but something that everyone needs to do. Tim has a kind of manic, cult-y look in his eye from paying thousands of dollars to a marriage counselor. He is convinced that his daily work on his marriage, and his acknowledgement that it is basically a living hell, is modern. The result is that he has helped to relieve me of any romantic notions I had about marriage. — Mindy Kaling

Who is this invisible antiterrorist? It's me, Mindy Kaling. I was hiding behind Cee Lo's fur coat, and no one saw me. — Mindy Kaling

I would be the first to admit that I have incredibly high, ambitious standards for my life and my career, and I've had those my entire life. It's something that was just instilled in me by my parents. — Mindy Kaling

Stay in school and be a respectful and hardworking wallflower, and go to an accredited non-online university — Mindy Kaling

Doug appeared, clad in an Affliction waffle-knit tee and True Religion jeans. It was 2006, so this was a sign of great success. — Mindy Kaling

This photo is more significant because it is a rare time where my head looks normal size. I have enormous head, so it is important to me to have a few flattering, head-minimizing photos. — Mindy Kaling

My dad's whole family is in Madras and I was born in America so we didn't have that big Indian community. I don't really have anything interesting to say about it. When I talk about it people are like, 'meh, let's talk about something else.' — Mindy Kaling

Your fear that your parents will actually kill you for dropping out of college is something that I think a lot of children of immigrants would maybe relate to. — Mindy Kaling

People don't say "Give me your honest opinion" because they want an honest opinion. They say it because it's rude to say "Please tell me I'm amazing. — Mindy Kaling

My mom always used to say, "You can't say I love you before you can say I." And I think that sort of makes sense. — Mindy Kaling

I am a super-confident writer, and as a joke writer and as an actress, I'm like, 'I want to go head-to-head with every person.' I am an Indian woman and I'm a kind of double minority in this world. — Mindy Kaling

I don't consider myself a fashion person, I consider myself a shopping person. As a person who has girlie interests and a little bit of disposable income. — Mindy Kaling

I got a text. It was Will, on Air Force One, about to take off back to Washington: I should've kissed you. That's on me. — Mindy Kaling

I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world. — Mindy Kaling

A handful of experiences when I was small have made me a confirmed nonathlete. In psychology (okay, Twilight) they teach you about the notion of imprinting, and I think it applies here. I reverse-imprinted with athleticism. Ours is the great non-love story of my life. - Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and other concerns) — Mindy Kaling

The Skinny Woman Who Is Beautiful and Toned but Also Gluttonous and Disgusting
Again, I am more than willing to suspend my disbelief for good set decoration alone. One pristine kitchen from a Nancy Meyers movie like "It's Complicated" compensates for five scenes of Diane Keaton being caught half naked in a topiary. But I can't suspend disbelief enough, for instance, if the gorgeous and skinny heroine is also a ravenous pig when it comes to food. And everyone in the movie - her parents, her friends, her boss - are all complicit in this huge lie. They constantly tell her to stop eating. And this actress, this poor skinny actress who obviously lost weight to play the likable lead character, has to say things like "Shut up, you guys! I love cheesecake! If I want to eat an entire cheesecake, I will!" If you look closely, you can see this woman's ribs through the dress she's wearing - that's how skinny she is, this cheesecake-loving cow. — Mindy Kaling

Everyone has a moment when they discover they love Amy Poehler. — Mindy Kaling

I always knew I wanted kids, but when my mom passed away I was like, 'I want a bunch of kids. I want three kids or four kids, and I want to have that relationship again.' I can't bring my mom back, but I can have children. — Mindy Kaling

we loved reenacting what we saw. The Church Lady's catchphrases were our catchphrases, and we repeated them until my mother said, exasperated: "Please stop saying 'Isn't that special?' in that strange voice. It is annoying to me and to others." At — Mindy Kaling

There are many teenage vampire books you could have purchased instead. I'm grateful you made this choice. — Mindy Kaling

I've found that a well-fitting padded bra can transform me from a pear-shaped woman to an hourglass-shaped woman. Okay, maybe not hourglass-shaped, but definitely, say, an egg-timer-shaped woman. — Mindy Kaling

I feel like if I had my personality but was an OB/GYN, you would be psyched. You'd be like, 'My chatty, pop-culture-interested but plainspoken, wants-to-talk-about-clothes but serious-minded doctor.' I feel like I would clean up with patients. That's kind of a cocky thing to say. — Mindy Kaling

So it was surprising that I killed it as a babysitter. Er, maybe "killed it" is a wrong and potentially troubling way to express what I'm trying to say. — Mindy Kaling

I have a thick skin, which comes from being a not-really-skinny, dark-skinned Indian woman. I haven't fit in every place, and so I'm kind of used to resistance. — Mindy Kaling

People ask me all the time how I got hired onto the Office. Another common question is how do I manage to stay so down-to-earth in the face of such incredible success? ... A third frequently asked question is: "Girl, where you from? Trinidad? Guyana? Dominican Republic? You married? You got kids?" This is mostly asked by guys on the sidewalk selling I LOVE NEW YORK paraphernalia in New York City. — Mindy Kaling

(On differences between men and boys) Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn't on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before. — Mindy Kaling

I always wanted the reboot of Ghostbusters to be four girl-ghostbusters. — Mindy Kaling

When you are entitled, you are the most insufferable person ever. If you are entitled and hardworking, which I am, you are still pretty insufferable, but at least you somewhat earned your entitled behavior. — Mindy Kaling

So I'm into men now, even though they can be frightening. I want a schedule-keeping, waking-up-early, wallet-carrying, non-Velcro-shoe-wearing man. — Mindy Kaling

I always wanted to write, even before I realized that there was a comedy writers' world, or what that life was like. I never thought of myself, at least as a little kid, in terms of being the onscreen talent. I always thought it'd be so much fun to write sketches and be a writer. Even as little as 6 or 7, that's what my main interest was. — Mindy Kaling

I'm not into red carpet looks where it's clear the woman wanted to look like a pretty, pretty princess. — Mindy Kaling

When I was a kid, my parents smartly raised us to keep quiet, be respectful to older people, and generally not question adults all that much. I think that's because they were assuming that 99 percent of the time, we'd be interacting with worthy, smart adults ... They didn't ever tell me 'Sometimes you will meet idiots who are technically adults and authority figures. You don't have to do what they say. — Mindy Kaling

I try not to put anything political on the forefront of what I'm trying to do creatively. At the same time, I do think it's wonderful when I hear people say that it's inspirational that I'm an Indian woman on camera. My life is very diverse, and my friends are a diverse group of people. — Mindy Kaling

I've found my productive-writing-to-screwing-around ratio to be one to seven. So, for every eight hour day of writing, there is only one good productive hour of work being done. The other seven hours are preparing for writing: pacing around the house, collapsing cardboard bxes for recycling, reading the DVD extras pamphlet from BBC Pride & Prejudice, getting snacks lined up for writing, and YouTubing toddlers who learned the 'Single Ladies' dance. I know. Isn't that horrible? So, basically, writing this piece took me the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. — Mindy Kaling

It's blue and it's wailing because its little body is cold. The only people who think it's beautiful are its parents, and the doctor is just happy it's alive. And none of that is funny. — Mindy Kaling

If it weren't for my imagination, I would weigh ten thousand pounds. This is because the only way I am able to exercise anymore is through a long and vivid revenge fantasy. — Mindy Kaling

Cause that's all I want. A sweet, mature, normal, loving guy, with no baggage. And who has an absolutely enormous penis. — Mindy Kaling

When I watch roasts, I actually feel physically uncomfortable, like when I see a crow feast on a squirrel that has been hit by a car buy has not stopped moving yet. — Mindy Kaling

I think that when you're 5'4 and 150 pounds and you love to chat and you have a blog about shopping, trying to maintain a tiny bit of mystery where you possibly can is not a bad thing. — Mindy Kaling

That's because my show is on a major network and you can't show all that stuff, and also because my dad is alive and I would like to have lunch with him without feeling mired in dishonor. — Mindy Kaling

No pasta. I'm serious. I will climb out of my coffin if anyone brings a baked ziti. — Mindy Kaling

I got to see my friend B. J. Novak daily, which, when we weren't fighting, was the absolute best. — Mindy Kaling

We clung to each other with blind loyalty, like Lord Voldemort and his snake, Nagini. I, of course, was Nagini. If you messed with one of us, you knew you messed with both of us, and Voldemort was going to cast a murder spell on you, or Nagini was going to chomp on your jugular. — Mindy Kaling

I like to think of myself as the Rod Blagojevich of television. — Mindy Kaling

I think a lot of people compare female writers or female comedians to each other in a way that men are not. Male comedy writers are not scrutinized. — Mindy Kaling

I do lay in some opinions here and there. For example, I don't think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they are "bad with names." No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people's names isn't a neurological condition; it's a choice. You choose not to make learning people's names a priority. It's like saying, "Hey, a disclaimer about me: I'm rude." For heaven's sake, if you don't know someone's name, just pretend you do. Do that thing everyone else does, where you vaguely say, "Nice to see you!" and make weak eye contact. So, — Mindy Kaling

Lots of stupid people were skinny, and yet I couldn't do this incredibly simple thing they could do with seeming ease. — Mindy Kaling

Sometimes I eavesdrop on people. I could rationalize it - oh, this is good anthropological research for characters I'm writing - but it's basically just nosiness. It also helps me gauge where I'm at: Am I normal? — Mindy Kaling

My dad is a very snappy dresser; he gets all his stuff tailored. He's an architect, so he's a little more artistically minded. — Mindy Kaling

I think that's the lesson of this story: you never know what is going to happen. — Mindy Kaling

It makes me cry because it means that fewer and fewer people are believing it's cool to want what I want, which is to be married and have kids and love each other in a monogamous, long-lasting relationship. — Mindy Kaling

I worship makeup. The basics are always: Stila shadows, LeClerc powder for my crazy shiny skin, Bobbie brown liner pot, Chanel mascara, and Koh Gen Do for foundation, Nars for colors and sparkles. — Mindy Kaling

I enjoy watching people fall in love on-screen so much that I can suspend my disbelief for the contrived situations that only happen in the heightened world of romantic comedies. I have come to enjoy the moment when the normal lead guy, say, slips and falls right on top of the hideously expensive wedding cake. I actually feel robbed when the female lead's dress doesn't get torn open at a baseball game while the JumboTron is on her. — Mindy Kaling

When people call me either a girl crush or their best friend, like, the best friend they want, that's, to me, the best compliment anyone could ever give me. — Mindy Kaling

Couples are really funny, because if they are together, they can fight and do fun things together. In Jane Austen books, marriage is the end of the story, but I actually think a really funny couple could be a fun thing to watch. — Mindy Kaling

No matter how good you have it, it's cool to want more. — Mindy Kaling

Every kid wants approval, but my desire to be well liked was central to my personality. — Mindy Kaling

Hey, a disclaimer about me: I'm rude. — Mindy Kaling

There's obviously instances where I perceive sexism in my job ... I think that the sort of sexism that I see has been one that's a little bit like a gentler form of sexism, but still a little bit debilitating, which is that when, as a producer and a writer, whether it was at The Office or [at The Mindy Project], if I make a decision, it'll still seem like it's up for debate. — Mindy Kaling

People get scared when you try to do something, especially when it looks like you're succeeding. People do not get scared when you're failing. It calms them. But when you're winning, it makes them feel like they're losing or, worse yet, that maybe they should've tried to do something too, but now it's too late. And since they didn't, they want to stop you. You can't let them. — Mindy Kaling

I happen to believe that no one inherently deserves anything, except basic human rights, and not to have to watch an ad before you watch a trailer on YouTube. — Mindy Kaling

If I can give one bit of advice to any drama major, high school theater kid, or inmate who is reading this in a prison library with dreams of being cast in he prison play, its this: write your own part. It is the only way I've gotten anywhere. It is much harder work, but sometimes you ave to take destiny into your own hands. — Mindy Kaling

Sports movies had brainwashed me into the belief that when the chips are down the most, that is when success is the most inevitable. — Mindy Kaling

I laugh thinking about if they ever tried to do "Who Wore It Best?" for men's magazines. They wouldn't, because no one would care. Men don't care which men looked better in the same clothes because it's so obviously a huge waste of time. It's also why they don't have astrology sections in men's magazines. — Mindy Kaling

Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn't on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before. (Okay, maybe men aren't exactly like this. This is what I've cobbled together from the handful of men I know or know of, ranging from Heathcliff Huxtable to Theodore Roosevelt to my dad.) Men know what they want and they don't let you in on their inner monologue, and that is scary. — Mindy Kaling

I felt bad for Lulu because I've been Lulu. It's really hard when you realize the guy you've been dating is basically a high schooler at heart. It make you feel like Mary Kay Letourneau. It's the worst.
Until I was thirty, I only dated boys, as far as I can tell. I'll tell you why. Men scared the shit out of me.
Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn't on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you. — Mindy Kaling