Mark Tufo Quotes & Sayings

There's a safe!" Gary said, sticking his head back out. "Great, maybe we'll see who he willed his gold watch to," I said, looking at the zombie's feet, which were still twitching. It was creeping the hell out of me, but at least she wasn't telling me she wanted some Dr. Scholl's or something. "Gun safe, Mike." Gary said as if I were Gary Busey. Does that need any further explanation? "I — Mark Tufo

We can find something for you two ladies, but I'm keeping this ride. Let's go, bitch," Mrs. Deneaux said to Gary. — Mark Tufo

It is something about having absolute power over another being that drives men to incomprehensible acts of cruelty. — Mark Tufo

Like any smart person in my predicament, I made sure the light was pointing right in my eyes when I turned it on. Nothing like a case of temporary blindness to get your adrenaline running. — Mark Tufo

The first zombie reached BT and met a blissful exit from this world courtesy of a Louisville Slugger, the preferred choice of zombie slayers nationwide. — Mark Tufo

I peeked my head into the closet, looking for a trap door, hand grenades, the wardrobe to Narnia - anything that might help. — Mark Tufo

I killed the cheating bastard. Who knows, maybe if I'd done it a few days sooner, I could have prevented all of this. But where would the fun be in that? I would have missed out on all this," she said, taking her hands off the steering wheel spreading her arms wide. — Mark Tufo

That would be like finding out Mr. Rogers was a serial killer that liked to dress up in clown outfits before he offed his victims. Or that Captain Kangaroo was a Brony. — Mark Tufo

The van started as John had promised, and it sounded good, but was about as useless as tits on a turtle if we couldn't get out of the garage. — Mark Tufo

I was so scared I thought my asshole was going to swallow me whole. — Mark Tufo

You can still be a part of something even if you are apart from it. — Mark Tufo

Ah, what I'd do for a nuclear bomb." "A nuclear what?" my wife asked. Her contortion of fear was clearly outlined. "Did I say that out loud?" I asked, clearly confused. — Mark Tufo

I see a tongue! Some asshole is licking my peephole. — Mark Tufo

How is that light still on, Talbot?" BT asked in hushed tones with a note of reverence in his voice. "There's a machine with Kit-Kats in there, do you have any change, Mr. T?" Tommy asked hopefully. It's amazing to me that all of us had known Tommy long enough that nobody even looked halfway cross-eyed at him at his pronouncement. If Tommy had said that a convention of clowns respite with balloon animals was in there singing Billy Joel songs, we would all have believed him. Of course I wouldn't have gone in, clowns are evil, but I still would have believed him. — Mark Tufo

Zombies were bad enough. Zombies silently appearing out of the mist were the stuff of acid-infused nightmares. — Mark Tufo

I use the terms "sky" and "earth" because as a human I cannot imagine those elements not being there. It is a way to give substance to nothingness. — Mark Tufo

The zombies in the cab were looking at us like it was Christmas 1996 and we had just taken the last Tickle Me Elmo dolls off the shelf. — Mark Tufo

I know my imagination can be like a three-year-old on Red Bull and still I feed — Mark Tufo

Take heed your actions lest ye become like the enemy ye seek to destroy. — Mark Tufo

The bullet didn't come out. I've got to go in and get it." "Have you ever done that?" she asked, quickly thrusting the bottle into my hands. I guess she thought whoever possessed the bottle had to perform the surgery. "I filled in pot holes, Jen. Not much call for field surgery in that line of work." "What about before that?" she grasped. "Oh yeah sure, I left a lucrative and life-fulfilling job as a highly skilled surgeon to live the prosaic life of a road crew man. Filling holes seemed a much nobler profession." "Don't — Mark Tufo

I definitely thought about touching it to satisfy my curiosity, but luckily for me my mental instability kicked in and I left it alone. — Mark Tufo

I'd rather mate with a snake," I told her, which was pretty low as far as dog swears went. — Mark Tufo

I'd never once considered Tracy anything other than beautiful, but the hardness of the apocalypse had sculpted her into something almost otherworldly. Any chance I had to grab onto that, I was going to take it. — Mark Tufo

I grabbed some sani-wipes from Tracy and cleaned off my hands as best I could, and then drizzled whiskey over them. If it didn't kill the germs, at least it would get them drunk enough to be cooperative. — Mark Tufo

You could do this every day for the next ten years and you still would not have killed as many things as I have. — Mark Tufo

Fuck death, it's not the enemy, zombies are. — Mark Tufo

She's changing everything. People that are supposed to die are being saved and those that should live are being killed. She is single-handedly destroying this timeline. — Mark Tufo

Can't know everything, Vivian. Otherwise you would have cut your husband's balls off before he cheated and shut off the money. — Mark Tufo

The storm doesn't follow you; you are the storm. Nothing can stand in your way. — Mark Tufo

You care for nothing, Eliza." "That, Tomas, is an untruth. I care very deeply for myself and quite possibly a small amount for you. I have not yet decided on that matter. — Mark Tufo

on the fool's trip to save Paul. And for what? My fucking friend and his wife were dead. Maybe they would have been able to ride the damn thing out in their attic. Couldn't be worse, that's for sure. So we had potentially only forestalled my son's death and theirs. — Mark Tufo

I did it because I stood a better chance of surviving with them than without them. Not because I have any personal affinity for either one. I think your brother-in-law is a dolt personally, and BT was just your husband's lackey. Without Mike directing him, he is as unsure of himself as an eighteen-year-old virgin with a hooker. Now Michael I miss, that was a man that could get out of a jam, smart enough to know what to do and dumb enough to do it himself. — Mark Tufo

I have come to learn that there is no great manifest destiny, there is no universal order. Chaos will always reign supreme. There is no more order to the world than the falling of a leaf in a stiff fall breeze. That it will fall eventually is a truth, but which route it will take and where it will land are the great mysteries that evade us all. — Mark Tufo