Kin Hubbard Quotes & Sayings

As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith. — Kin Hubbard

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. — Kin Hubbard

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. — Kin Hubbard

Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely. — Kin Hubbard

If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public. — Kin Hubbard

Another bad thing about "prosperity" is that you can't jingle any money without being under suspicion — Kin Hubbard

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt. — Kin Hubbard

The man who says "I may be wrong, but
" does not believe there can be any such possibility. — Kin Hubbard

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst. — Kin Hubbard

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. — Kin Hubbard

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation. — Kin Hubbard

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? — Kin Hubbard

There's many a slip twixt the blueprints and a new house. — Kin Hubbard

The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it's so crowded. — Kin Hubbard

A loafer always has the correct time. — Kin Hubbard

The hardest thing is writing a recommendation for someone we know. — Kin Hubbard

Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause. — Kin Hubbard

Experience is a dear teacher but he delivers the goods. — Kin Hubbard

Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee. — Kin Hubbard

Knowin' all about baseball is just about as profitable as bein' a good whittler. — Kin Hubbard

All the world loves a good loser. — Kin Hubbard

I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity. — Kin Hubbard

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more. — Kin Hubbard

Every father expects his boy to do the things he wouldn't do when he was young. — Kin Hubbard

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt. — Kin Hubbard

It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about. — Kin Hubbard

It don't make no difference what is is, a woman'll buy anything she thinks a store is losin' money on. — Kin Hubbard

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit. — Kin Hubbard

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. — Kin Hubbard

Who remembers when we used to rest on Sunday instead of Monday? — Kin Hubbard

Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers. — Kin Hubbard

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it. — Kin Hubbard

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. — Kin Hubbard

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. — Kin Hubbard

Bargain ... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on. — Kin Hubbard

It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game. — Kin Hubbard

If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us. — Kin Hubbard

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. — Kin Hubbard

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married. — Kin Hubbard

Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where can can't see either. — Kin Hubbard

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. — Kin Hubbard

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before. — Kin Hubbard

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son — Kin Hubbard

The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted. — Kin Hubbard

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it. — Kin Hubbard

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid. — Kin Hubbard

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience. — Kin Hubbard

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands. — Kin Hubbard

A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends. — Kin Hubbard

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick. — Kin Hubbard

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag. — Kin Hubbard

A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one. — Kin Hubbard

Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper. — Kin Hubbard

Don't a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something. — Kin Hubbard

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. — Kin Hubbard

Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation. — Kin Hubbard

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best. — Kin Hubbard

It seems that nothing ever gets to going good till there's a few resignations — Kin Hubbard

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. — Kin Hubbard

University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business. — Kin Hubbard

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street. — Kin Hubbard

It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him. — Kin Hubbard

Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband. — Kin Hubbard

Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home. — Kin Hubbard

None but the brave can live with the fair. — Kin Hubbard

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought. — Kin Hubbard

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. — Kin Hubbard

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done — Kin Hubbard

Very often the quiet fellow has said all he knows — Kin Hubbard

I will say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that is more than I can say for prosperity. — Kin Hubbard

If there's anything mean in a feller, a litter authority will bring it out. — Kin Hubbard

A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake. — Kin Hubbard

Fashion: a barricade behind which men hide their nothingness. — Kin Hubbard

Plain spoken people get most of the recognition because folks are afraid of them. — Kin Hubbard

There ought t'be some way t'eat celery so it wouldn't sound like you wuz steppin' on a basket. — Kin Hubbard

Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count. — Kin Hubbard

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. — Kin Hubbard

Bees are not as busy as we think they are. They jest can't buzz any slower. — Kin Hubbard

Some folks pay a compliment like they went down in their pocket for it. — Kin Hubbard

The rich man and his daughter are soon parted. — Kin Hubbard

We're all self-made men, but not very many of us have stayed on the job. — Kin Hubbard

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain. — Kin Hubbard

Ther's still a few honest folks left but they never seem t' find anything you lose. — Kin Hubbard

Politics makes strange post-masters. — Kin Hubbard

We can tell that a good name is better than riches by those who prefer the riches. — Kin Hubbard

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. — Kin Hubbard

Most parents don't worry about a daughter until she fails to show up for breakfast. — Kin Hubbard

Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble. — Kin Hubbard

It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. — Kin Hubbard

All I kin git out o' the Wickersham position on prohibition is that the distinguished jurist seems to feel that if we'd let 'em have it the problem o' keepin' 'em from gitten;' it would be greatly simplified — Kin Hubbard

In spite of all our speeding it's still the style to be late. — Kin Hubbard

When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I'm wrong. — Kin Hubbard

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. — Kin Hubbard

I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do. — Kin Hubbard

No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after- dinner speech will counteract it. — Kin Hubbard

If at first you do succeed don't take any more chances. — Kin Hubbard

Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on. — Kin Hubbard

Making a long stay short is a great aid to popularity. — Kin Hubbard

The longer it takes you to select a cantaloupe, the worse it is! — Kin Hubbard

Executive: a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right. — Kin Hubbard