Ken Wheaton Quotes & Sayings

I'll say this much for guys, gay or straight: it's easy to pick up a friendship and act like nothing's happened. I can only imagine how quickly Christianity would have collapsed had Jesus and the Apostles been a bunch of women. Jesus would never have gotten over the fact that they abandoned him during the Crucifixion. 'I can't believe you guys would do that to me. I'm never speaking to you again. Ever!' Then, out of spite, he would have run off and joined up with the Zoroastrians. — Ken Wheaton

I climbed aboard a Greyhound bus and rode it to New York without telling anyone, without so much as a goodbye. What was I thinking? I wasn't. I was young and stupid and broken. I knew from watching movies that broken people hopped on buses and disappeared. New York seemed far away, geographically, mentally. — Ken Wheaton

At this point, none of us are sure why we fight. We're sisters. We need no good reason to fight, even though we have plenty of them. — Ken Wheaton

Just enough to make up for all the fucking taxes the government took out of my regular paycheck. "Free" counseling. "Free" healthcare. "Free" employment services. "Free" food. There's no such thing as a free lunch. Keep that in mind. Somewhere, somehow, somebody is paying. For everything. — Ken Wheaton

Prideful fool. It hurt his feelings that he couldn't make my crazy go away. You know how men are. Always trying to fix things can't be fixed. — Ken Wheaton

In Louisiana, one of the first stages of grief is eating your weight in Popeyes fried chicken. The second stage is doing the same with boudin. People have been known to swap the order. Or to do both at the same time. — Ken Wheaton

Pork and chicken grease, the aromatics of choice for the Cajun. — Ken Wheaton