Karen Alpert Quotes & Sayings

Anyways, it made me think. Who the hell cares if Michael Phelps can swim across a pool at like warp speed? Or that some sixteen-year-old waif can spell the entire Chinese alphabet with a stupid ribbon on a stick above her head? You know who's holding this world together and leaping buildings in a single bound every day? Moms, that's who. — Karen Alpert

Mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama! Guess what my little rug rat can say now. The first time you hear it, your heart melts a little. The second time you hear it, your eyes well up. The 918,009,576th time you hear it, you want to stab your eardrums out with an ice pick. — Karen Alpert

I love when those annoyingly perfect moms brag that they ONLY give their kids all-natural shit. You know what's all-natural? Poisonous berries and 'shrooms. — Karen Alpert

My rugrats give me gifts that say "#1 Mom" on them and I'm like, bwhahahahaha, joke's on you, I'm more like the #1,297,279 Mom. But they truly think I'm the best mom on earth. And that's all that matters. — Karen Alpert