Kare Anderson Quotes & Sayings

Speak sooner to sweet spot of shared interest to cultivate a meaningful connection, first step to creating something greater together.
Share the story in which others see a role they want to play so they'll re- share it to make it "our" story
Whoever most vividly characterizes a situation usually determines how others see it, talk about it, and make decisions about it — Kare Anderson

Try This Counterintuitive Way To Be Well-Liked:
One of the biggest misconceptions about connecting is seeking, first, to be liked. In fact, the counterintuitive way to get someone to like you is in knowing this core truth: If they like the way they feel when around you, they will like you. In fact, they will project onto you the character traits they most like in others, even if you have not yet exhibited them.
Conversely, if they do not like the way they act when around you, they will instinctively blame you for it, regardless of the true reason. They will project onto you some of the qualities they most dislike in others. What's worse, they will go out of their way to prove they are right, even in ways that damage their reputation as well as yours. — Kare Anderson

We are far more revealing by the questions we ask than the answers we give. Answer briefly to sense where their questions are heading. — Kare Anderson

We tend to like each other better when walking, sitting or standing side by side or at right angles from each other. — Kare Anderson

Go Slow to Go Fast in Growing a Stronger Bond With Others: When you see someone's interest rise in the conversation, you have a glimpse of the hook that can best connect you together. Ask follow-up questions, directly related to what that person just said. If you do just this much, recent research shows you are among the five percent of Americans in conversation. In so doing, you accomplish two things. You've increased their openness and warmth toward you, because you've demonstrated you care. And you've had a closer look at the hook that most matters to them in the conversation. Now you can speak to their hottest interest, in a way that can serve you both. — Kare Anderson

Fast thinkers aren't smarter than slow. Collaborating in real time and over time leverages our collective value and limits pitfalls of both kinds of thinkers. Discuss options both face-to-face and virtually to enable fast and slow thinkers to optimize value for the team — Kare Anderson

Strangers can be consequential when you want to practice an atrophied or unexplored facet of you, as they don't know how you usually act. — Kare Anderson

We never have as great an opportunity to show self-comfort as when others around us aren't. Hint: Don't be a jerk because someone else is. Praise the behaviors in others that you most want to flourish. — Kare Anderson

The most productive, healthy and satisfying relationships are based, not on a quid pro quo but an ebb and flow of mutual support over time. Don't just be a giver. Be an extremely helpful giver who demonstrates an awareness of what that person most needs. — Kare Anderson

Get specific sooner and reap many rewards. The specific detail or example proves the general conclusion, not the reverse. The more specific you are abut anything the more clear you become, for yourself and in telling others. Thus you reduce the chance of others misunderstanding you. And you become more compelling, credible and memorable. — Kare Anderson

People are far more revealing by the questions they ask than the answer they give. To get closer to understanding what is really on someone's mind, answer their questions briefly so they ask follow-up questions. By their third question you'll get a glimpse of their biggest fear or desire on the topic. — Kare Anderson

Three-Step Method for Making Stronger Connections: Take the Triangle Talk approach to connecting and reaching agreement with others: You, Me, Us. First refer to their interest, then yours - and then note how your interests coincide. This approach enables diverse people to gain traction sooner toward a common goal. — Kare Anderson

Best way to gain greater credibility, clout and success: involve unexpected allies, ardently united around something specific that you all believe is meaningful. — Kare Anderson

In a civilization when love is
gone we turn to justice and when
justice is gone we turn to power
and when power is gone we
turn to violence. — Kare Anderson

It's not the number of contacts you cultivate but the diversity and depth of connections that leverage your opportunity to use best talents more often to accomplish more. — Kare Anderson

It is easier to act your way into a better feeling than to feel your way into a better way of acting. When certain feelings hinder you, look for other feelings to feel. Supplant your fear with a greater motivation. The more frequently we feel and do not act, the less often we will feel. Act genially in the face of rancor; you may be the only angel in that person's life. What you practice projecting you are projecting and you become. — Kare Anderson

Remember the many compartments of the heart, the seed of what is possible. So much of who we are is defined by the places we hold for each other. For it is not our ingenuity that sets us apart, but our capacity for love, the possibility our way will be lit by grace. Our hearts prisms, chiseling out the colors of pure light. — Kare Anderson

Problems rarely exist at the level at which they are expressed. If you are arguing for more than ten minutes then you are probably not discussing the real conflict. — Kare Anderson

To boost bonding among others so they are more apt to work (or play) well together, ask them, when together, to do two powerfully simple things that can be done rather quickly:
1. Write down the ways they are like each other. Hint: Create a level playing field. Writing rather than immediately sharing helps slow thinkers keep up with fast thinkers. Fast thinkers aren't smarter, just different in their thinking processes, and each kind has advantages and pitfalls, so they can accomplish more together than when a majority in a group think and speak at the same speed. Hint: Salespeople are often fast thinkers.
2. Share with each other what they wrote, going around the circle, one by one.
Bonus benefit: Other studies show that when you reflect on how you are similar to those with whom you are talking, you pay more attention to them. You care about them more. That spurs the other person to listen more closely to you. — Kare Anderson

Quiet the chattering mind promotes directed action. We can't know which interactions will deepen into richer relationships, yet we can keep the faith that our mutuality mindset affirms them. Mutuality most demonstrates our humanity and, in the end, that may be what most matters in our lives. — Kare Anderson

See others' slights or outright insults as opportunities to show equanimity, spurring observers to do the same, unified with you around a best side of us. Opportunity Makers demonstrate that being a strong team player is as important as being the leader. Think well of yourself. The subconscious can't take a joke. — Kare Anderson

Speak to their positive intent, especially when they appear to have none, and you are more likely to bring out their better side. — Kare Anderson

Anchor Your Stories in Redemptive Themes So We Are Moved to Live Up to Them: Rather than making yourself the victim or the hero in the stories you tell, describe a daunting time of loss, crisis, or criticism or where you made a mistake or acted badly, yet you were eventually able to learn from it. Such stories show vulnerability and a desire to grow and live fully rather than in fear. Then that facet of you can be the place where others can positively and productively connect with you, hard-earned strengths firmly attached together. You can support each other in reinforcing redemptive characterizations and action. — Kare Anderson

Becoming more deeply connected with those you admire and love bolsters, in you, the traits you most admire in them. Recognize behaviors that most upset you so, like defensive driving, you see potential "crashes" sooner and avoid them. — Kare Anderson

More than money, talent, or your number of contacts, your capacity to create mutuality with others can transform you into a sought-after Opportunity Maker with whom people most want to align. Be the glue that sticks the right teams together to solve problems or seize opportunities sooner and better together. — Kare Anderson

Bring out others' better side and they are more likely to see and support yours. — Kare Anderson

Whatever most captures your mind controls your life. — Kare Anderson