Judy Tenuta Quotes & Sayings

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide? — Judy Tenuta

I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a hit out on myself. — Judy Tenuta

I turned down a date once because I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the food chain. — Judy Tenuta

Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you ... — Judy Tenuta

This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" — Judy Tenuta

Judy, you don't know nothin' about the South. You don't even know the difference between the North and the South.'
I said, 'Oh yes I do. In the North, there's a cutoff age for sleeping with your parents. — Judy Tenuta

You can't get a body like mine in a bottle unless you push real hard. — Judy Tenuta

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist. — Judy Tenuta

Love Goddess in training. It could happen. — Judy Tenuta

What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks. — Judy Tenuta

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, 'Just wait. — Judy Tenuta