Joe Rogan Quotes & Sayings

I love existing in pre big bang conditions. — Joe Rogan

The time you spend hating on someone robs you of your own time. You are literally hating on yourself and you don't even realize it. — Joe Rogan

Dick Gregory was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken. — Joe Rogan

Despite all the advancements in science, and all things about religion that are disproved it still marches on. The bottom line is that the only real, absolutely provable answers about life and our place in the universe are provided by science, and religion has been holding down science since day one. — Joe Rogan

People for the most part can smell lies. — Joe Rogan

For many people the reason why they're idiots is not necessarily that their brain doesn't work well, it's that they got in a terrible pattern. — Joe Rogan

The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth. — Joe Rogan

The key to happiness doesn't lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel. — Joe Rogan

We have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life. — Joe Rogan

When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men. — Joe Rogan

The people who could most benefit from the self-reflective ego-dissolving qualities of cannabis are the ones that want it to be illegal. — Joe Rogan

I really never thought people would think that I was funny, I thought (my friends) thought I was funny because I was their friend, but other people would just think I was an asshole. I was at least partly right. — Joe Rogan

I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking. — Joe Rogan

I've been inspired by a shitload of people in my life so if there's ever anybody that I can inspire, to me that's a huge gift. To be able to turn that back around. — Joe Rogan

Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. — Joe Rogan

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. — Joe Rogan

If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure. — Joe Rogan

In order to be truly great at something you have to give into a certain amount of madness. — Joe Rogan

There's a very famous Miyamoto Musashi quote. "Once you understand the way broadly, you can see it in all things." The idea is once you understand what excellence is all about, whether it's in painting, or carpentry or martial arts, that you see how that excellence manifests itself in any discipline. I think that all the different things that I do enhance all the other things that I do. — Joe Rogan

Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic. — Joe Rogan

If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever — Joe Rogan

I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig. — Joe Rogan

If you attach your mind to any ideology, you're going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you're gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking. — Joe Rogan

Someone else's success does not equal a failure for you. — Joe Rogan

Once you understand what excellence is all about ... you see how that excellence manifests itself in any discipline. — Joe Rogan

Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that's why everybody loved him so much. — Joe Rogan

What's interesting about science is that we're constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It's amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being - without a doubt. — Joe Rogan

The best way to pursue any discipline is the martial art way. — Joe Rogan

I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else. — Joe Rogan

Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get. — Joe Rogan

When you're jealous, especially of someone else's art or creations you automatically put up these selfish walls that reinforce your stupid ideas. It's hard to pull those walls down and look at what you're hiding. Look at your own weakness and realize that the jealousy came from knowing that you're intimidated by someone else's work, and that when you compare it to your own, you fall short. — Joe Rogan

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends. — Joe Rogan

Cities are natural, that's why they're everywhere. It's not like there's only one city, and everybody's like 'What the f**k is this?' No, cities are all over the place. They're natural. You know what's not natural? You, in the middle of the mountains, in the middle of the winter. — Joe Rogan

Teaching someone that doesn't know something forces you to think about almost every single aspect of it, including parts of it that you could sort of take for granted. — Joe Rogan

People say you can abuse marijuana. You can abuse cheeseburgers. Does that mean we should close Burger Kings. — Joe Rogan

Prison is for rapists, thieves, and murderers. If you lock someone up for smoking a plant that makes them happy, then you're the fucking criminal. — Joe Rogan

Selling your life to sit in a box and work for a machine. An uncaring machine that demands productivity that doesn't understand you and doesn't want to understand you ... There's no natural behaviour. Everyone is wearing clothes they don't want to wear. Everybody is showing up and doing something they don't want to do. They have no connection to it. That's the problem with our society ... — Joe Rogan

I prefer older people to college kids [as audience] for the most part. I want people with life experience, people that understand where I'm coming from. — Joe Rogan

I had a sense of who I was before I got famous. — Joe Rogan

I think it would do a lot of people good just to realize how vulnerable they are. — Joe Rogan

People love to see people fall. — Joe Rogan

There's a lot of people that I disagree with that I think I could have interesting conversations with. What I don't want to get into is manufactured conflict. I would much rather talk to someone like Dr. Rhonda Patrick or Randall Carlson and be mesmerized by information. I guess in a way that's selfish, or maybe not objective of me. The older (and hopefully wiser) I get the less interested I am in conflict. I don't mind disagreeing with people in a civil way, but I definitely don't want to go out of my way to have an argument unless it's a really important subject. — Joe Rogan

Our entire civilization is built on a foundation of unfixable bullshit. — Joe Rogan

If you haven't peed the bed, you haven't taken enough chances. — Joe Rogan

The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own. — Joe Rogan

If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time. — Joe Rogan

Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends. — Joe Rogan

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks. — Joe Rogan

Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening. — Joe Rogan

The sensory deprivation chamber has been the most important tool that I've ever used for developing my mind — Joe Rogan

As a longtime practitioner of yoga and a person who's been involved in physical fitness my whole life, I can tell you, yoga helps you achieve altered states of consciousness. It is not just stretching. The only way you can say that it's stretching is if you haven't done it, or that you haven't done it rigorously for a long period of time. — Joe Rogan

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion. — Joe Rogan

If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe. — Joe Rogan

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator. — Joe Rogan

We're constantly re-evaluating the potential for life. We're finding it where we didn't think it could exist, such as volcanic vents and other extreme conditions like under arctic ice. We're finding life in these incredibly harsh and dynamic conditions, so we're having to re-evaluate our own ideas of what's possible on this planet alone. — Joe Rogan

Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired. — Joe Rogan

Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That's all they are. — Joe Rogan

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out. — Joe Rogan

I want to make sure that everything that I'm creating, I'm creating it so other people get enjoyment out of it. And that's the reward that you get for that. — Joe Rogan

People are scared man, they're scared of the void. — Joe Rogan

Greatness and madness are next door neighbours; and they borrow each other's sugar. You don't get there without the other. — Joe Rogan

The quicker we all realize that we've been taught how to live life by people that were operating on the momentum of an ignorant past the quicker we can move to a global ethic of community that doesn't value invented borders or the monopolization of natural resources, but rather the goal of a happier more loving humanity. — Joe Rogan

Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential. — Joe Rogan

It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in. — Joe Rogan

Comedy is a funny thing, and it's really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title. You would never go to a club just to see "Live music," you would go to a jazz club to see jazz, a blues club to see blues, etc. But when you go to see "standup comedy," if you don't know the performers material, you really don't have any idea what you're gonna get. — Joe Rogan

A unicorn is a donkey from the future — Joe Rogan

The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both. — Joe Rogan

Houston people are way cool. They're smart, they know how to have a good time, and they have the hottest chicks on the planet there. — Joe Rogan

So instead of investing your time in a passion, you've sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn't understand you. That's the problem with our society. And what's the reward? Go home and get a big TV. — Joe Rogan

Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot — Joe Rogan

The Comedy Store in LA, it's a really loose room and it's really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage. — Joe Rogan

Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce. — Joe Rogan

The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh. — Joe Rogan

I'm a nightclub comic. That's what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing. — Joe Rogan

Haters ... are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater. — Joe Rogan

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with. — Joe Rogan

Choose To Be Inspired. — Joe Rogan

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me. — Joe Rogan

The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don't workout. — Joe Rogan

I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do. — Joe Rogan

Live your life like you're the hero in your movie. — Joe Rogan

I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me. — Joe Rogan

We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by. — Joe Rogan

There's a confidence and a mental toughness that comes from the very highest level of competition, whatever the sport is. Whether it's boxing or wrestling, or whatever. — Joe Rogan

After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird. — Joe Rogan

Excellence in anything increases your potential in everything. — Joe Rogan

You are one miniscule piece of a never-ending cycle. In fact, you're not even a piece. You're just a holder for billions and billions of other pieces. Whether that's organic components, living organisms inside your body, bacteria or whatever it is, you're just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what's good about it. — Joe Rogan

What people like are things to laugh at. Funny shows. It's all in the execution, the writing and the characters, not the setting. And the writing and the execution and the characters are GREAT on (Everybody Loves Raymond). — Joe Rogan

When a ball goes into a net it only means something because we decided it means something. When somebody punches somebody in the face it always means something. — Joe Rogan

I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you ... That can be an awesome motivating force that can improve your life if you choose to be inspired and not jealous. One (being jealous) has no benefit whatsoever, the other is an incredible resource for creating momentum and improvement. — Joe Rogan

The beautiful thing about podcasting is it's just talking. It can be funny, or it can be terrifying. It can be sweet. It can be obnoxious. It almost has no definitive form. In that sense it's one of the best ways to explore an idea, and certainly much less limiting than trying to express the same idea in stand up comedy. For some ideas stand up is best, but it's really, really nice to have podcasts as well. — Joe Rogan

You're sort of programmed a certain way because of your environment. That's all you know. But we don't have that anymore because of the internet. Because of the internet we're all communicating with each other all across the board, so you're getting information from people all around the world, hitting a much more diverse slice of culture. — Joe Rogan

A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense. — Joe Rogan

This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem. — Joe Rogan

Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I'm doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it. — Joe Rogan

I do cagefight commentary in my spare time. — Joe Rogan

My company is called Talking Monkey, Inc. It's because that's what I think all people are: talking monkeys. — Joe Rogan

I don't really like actors. Actors are like terrible comedians with no punch lines. It's all about them. They talk about themselves all the time. They bore the sh - t out of you. — Joe Rogan

Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years. — Joe Rogan

I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts. — Joe Rogan