Jimmy Kimmel Quotes & Sayings

It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up. — Jimmy Kimmel

People's lives are boring. — Jimmy Kimmel

I have like fifteen televisions in my house. — Jimmy Kimmel

I don't really need to be dirty to be funny. — Jimmy Kimmel

I did not have any delusions of grandeur as a kid. — Jimmy Kimmel

No matter who it is, I hate to see people losing their jobs. I really do. — Jimmy Kimmel

My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians. — Jimmy Kimmel

You can say Pizza Hut is terrible pizza, but they also sell more pizzas than anybody else. — Jimmy Kimmel

I still love comic books. When you have a kid, that's an excuse to keep reading all the comic books. — Jimmy Kimmel

I know there are, like, 12 rules for late night: a desk, a band. Will people take me seriously if I don't wear a tie? — Jimmy Kimmel

There's an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they're mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they've built to look like a temple. It's just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives. — Jimmy Kimmel

On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me when they go outside the studio and it's daytime. — Jimmy Kimmel

The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it. — Jimmy Kimmel

When I was on the radio, I used to be able to go a lot farther than I can now. You don't really remember until you're on the radio again, sometimes in your old radio station and sitting with the guys you used to work with and you go, 'Oh yeah, I can't say these things anymore. I'm handcuffed.' — Jimmy Kimmel

I'm a terrible golfer. — Jimmy Kimmel

I'm a creative consultant, whatever that means. — Jimmy Kimmel

That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. — Jimmy Kimmel

My definition of cursing is probably different from what other people's definitions are. — Jimmy Kimmel

Real emotion is good - or doing a good job of faking real emotion. — Jimmy Kimmel

I never imagined being on television. — Jimmy Kimmel

I have had a lot of experience in broadcasting. — Jimmy Kimmel

At the Emmys, you've got a bunch of people who are used to being on TV on TV. You don't have that at the Oscars. At the Oscars, you have people who are used to having 40 takes. — Jimmy Kimmel

I only get unusual ailments. — Jimmy Kimmel

If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted. — Jimmy Kimmel

I can't be as flip as I once was. — Jimmy Kimmel

When you know someone you can make a little more fun of them without them getting offended. — Jimmy Kimmel

I describe myself as a human being. — Jimmy Kimmel

Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch another woman as long as I live, now let's put jewellery on each other and dance — Jimmy Kimmel

I go to Costco every weekend. It's my favorite part of the week. — Jimmy Kimmel

You don't need to exorcise your personal demons onstage. — Jimmy Kimmel