Tim Minchin Quotes & Sayings

Tim Minchin's musings on Tony, the first 'fish' ever to have feet:
Imagine what Tony would think, standing there on his brand new feet on the brink of the beginnings of mankind as we know it ... if he could look forward just a few short ... hundreds of millions of years ... to see one of his descendants ... an Israeli Jew by the name of Jesus, having a nail hammered through his feet ... the very feet that Tony provided him with, as a punishment for having a, sort of, schizophrenic discourse with a God who was created by Mankind to explain the existence of feet in the absence of the knowledge of the existence of Tony. — Tim Minchin

Throughout history, every mystery ever solved has turned out to be NOT magic.. — Tim Minchin

To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are. — Tim Minchin

If anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single spiritual person who has been able to show either empirically or logically the existence of a higher power with any consciousness or interest in the human race or ability to punish or reward humans for their moral choices or that there is any reason other than fear to believe in any version of an afterlife, I will give you my piano, one of my legs and my wife. — Tim Minchin

The day they discover yoga mats are carcinogenic will be the happiest day of my life. — Tim Minchin

If I had a religion, its deity would be Audysseus, the sound God, and He would be a vengeful god, dishing out eternal damnation to people with cheap stage monitors. — Tim Minchin

Define yourself by what you love — Tim Minchin

Isn't this enough? Just this world? Just this beautiful, complex wonderfully unfathomable world? How does it so fail to hold our attention that we have to diminish it with the invention of cheap, man-made myths and monsters? — Tim Minchin

Science adjusts its views based on what's observed
Faith is the denial of observation so that belief can be preserved. — Tim Minchin

Don't Seek Happiness - Happiness is like an orgasm: if you think about it too much, it goes away. Keep busy and aim to make someone else happy, and you might find you get some as a side effect. We didn't evolve to be constantly content. Contented Australopithecus Afarensis got eaten before passing on their genes. — Tim Minchin

It's an incredibly exciting thing, this one meaningless life of yours — Tim Minchin

I don't go in for ancient wisdom
I don't believe just 'cos ideas are tenacious it means they're worthy — Tim Minchin

Love without evidence is stalking. — Tim Minchin

A famous bon mot asserts that opinions are like arse-holes, in that everyone has one. There is great wisdom in this ... but I would add that opinions differ significantly from arse-holes, in that yours should be constantly and thoroughly examined.
We must think critically, and not just about the ideas of others. Be hard on your beliefs. Take them out onto the verandah and beat them with a cricket bat ... Be intellectually rigorous. Identify your biases, your prejudices, your privilege. — Tim Minchin

Only a ginger, can call another ginger Ginger. — Tim Minchin

A genius is a mentally ill person with an audience — Tim Minchin

I am no nihilist. I am not even a cynic. I am, actually, rather romantic. And here's my idea of romance: You will soon be dead. Life will sometimes seem long and tough and, god, it's tiring. And you will sometimes be happy and sometimes sad. And then you'll be
old. And then you'll be dead. — Tim Minchin

The more you know, the harder you will find it to make up your mind, it doesn't really matter if you find it. You can't see which grass is greener, chances are it's neither and either way it's easier to see the difference when you're sitting on the fence. — Tim Minchin

It's the fine balance of caffeine and alcohol that bookends my days — Tim Minchin

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can break hearts. — Tim Minchin

Burning a book is like burning a bra. After the adrenalin rush of the symbolic moment wears off, all you're left with is a pile of ashes and unsupported boobs. — Tim Minchin

Please don't make the mistake of thinking the arts and sciences are at odds with one another. That is a recent, stupid, and damaging idea. You don't have to be unscientific to make beautiful art, to write beautiful things.
If you need proof: Twain, Adams, Vonnegut, McEwen, Sagan, Shakespeare, Dickens. For a start.
You don't need to be superstitious to be a poet. You don't need to hate GM technology to care about the beauty of the planet. You don't have to claim a soul to promote compassion.
Science is not a body of knowledge nor a system of belief; it is just a term which describes humankind's incremental acquisition of understanding through observation. Science is awesome. — Tim Minchin

Understanding that you can't truly take credit for your successes, nor truly blame others for their failures will humble you and make you more compassionate.
Empathy is intuitive, but is also something you can work on, intellectually. — Tim Minchin

I spend so much time hating (my body) but it never says a bad word about me — Tim Minchin

[O]nce you reject evidence as a source of knowledge, you don't gotta believe nothin' you don't like. — Tim Minchin

There are children in Africa, starving to death, and you don't hear them whinging. — Tim Minchin

We have tendency to define ourselves in opposition to stuff. But try to also express your passion for things you love. Be demonstrative and generous in your praise of those you admire. Send thank-you cards and give standing ovations. Be pro-stuff, not just anti-stuff. — Tim Minchin

Respect people with less power then you. I don't care if you're the most powerful cat in the room, I will judge you on how you treat the least powerful. So there. — Tim Minchin

You know what they call alternative medicine that's been proved to work? - Medicine. — Tim Minchin

I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death". — Tim Minchin

Who's the world going to revolve around now? — Tim Minchin