Jean Shepherd Quotes & Sayings

The Bumpuses were so low down on the evolutionary totem pole that they weren't even included in Darwin's famous family tree. They had inbred and ingrown and finally emerged from the Kentucky hills like some remnant of Attila the Hung's barbarian horde. Flick said that they had webbed feet and only three toes. It might have been true. — Jean Shepherd

Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense. — Jean Shepherd

Some men are Baptists, others Catholics. My father was an Oldsmobile man. — Jean Shepherd

A man today never feels so alive as when he is hurtling from one point to another on the azimuth. — Jean Shepherd

In all my years of New York cab riding I have yet to find the colorful, philosophical cabdriver that keeps popping up on the late movies. — Jean Shepherd

Manhattan cabs are born old. — Jean Shepherd

Being a White Sox fan meant measuring victory in terms of defeat. A 6-5 defeat was a good day. A big rally was Wally Moses doubling down the right- field line. — Jean Shepherd

I had been an eyewitness to a truly historic moment in American pop culture. — Jean Shepherd

The truth will always have a market. — Jean Shepherd

There are fewer things more thrilling in life than lumpy letters. That rattle. — Jean Shepherd

Can you imagine 4,000 years passing, and you're not even a memory? Think about it, friends. It's not just a possibility. It is a certainty. — Jean Shepherd

Preparing to go to school was like getting ready for extended deep sea diving. — Jean Shepherd

The hand of fate had dipped into the ragbag of humanity. — Jean Shepherd

Semicolon, you dolt! — Jean Shepherd

I've met them down in the Cost and Accounting Department, clean-shaven and in white collars. They can't see a damn thing ridiculous about themselves ... only about you. — Jean Shepherd

The reality of what we really are is often times found in the small snips, way down at the bottom of things. — Jean Shepherd

What the hell time is it? muttered the old man. He was always an aggressive sleeper. Sleep was one of the things he did best, and he loved it. Some look upon sleep as an unfortunate necessary interruption of life; but there are others who hold that sleep is life, or at least one of the more fulfilling aspects of it, like eating or sex. Any time my old man's sleep was interrupted, he became truly dangerous. — Jean Shepherd

I had woven a tapestry of obscenity that as far as I know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan. — Jean Shepherd

That reminds me of something that happened to me when I was a kid. — Jean Shepherd