Howard Stern Quotes & Sayings

What a crazy idea to put me on a family show! — Howard Stern

Okay, well, I guess I'm still a kid. Because when I get really angry and fired up and I feel like my back is up against the wall, I will say vicious things. — Howard Stern

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves. — Howard Stern

I'm the voice of honesty. — Howard Stern

I seem to be some sort of lightning rod. I just really irritate people, you know? I really do. — Howard Stern

I think people of lesser talent will become stars. — Howard Stern

And rather than hide that, I would rather put that out on the radio and let someone see the full range of emotions. If you're going to be strong on the radio, you got to let it all out, even the ugly stuff. And you can't apologize for it. — Howard Stern

I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring. — Howard Stern

I'm on the air five hours, and I blurt out anything in my head. Dangerous? Maybe. — Howard Stern

There are things that I won't do on the radio. I mean, the next logical question is, what won't you do. I say, well, you know, you've got to find out when you're on the air. — Howard Stern

Relationships are based on trust until you meet someone new. — Howard Stern

I don't talk about my salary. — Howard Stern

My mother was very involved with me. And we had a dialogue constantly. And it was like an umbilical cord. As long as the words were flowing back and forth we were connected and feeding each other. And I probably grew up very afraid of losing that connection. — Howard Stern

I believe in censorship when it benefits me. — Howard Stern

We've got a guy coming on who predicted a quake the last time on the show; I don't know what to make of this earthquake prediction stuff. — Howard Stern

These nutbags, like Santorum and Bachmann, who make these people and especially young gay kids feel miserable, shame on them. They're quacks. I would never vote for them. I wouldn't even listen to them because there but for the grace of God go they. — Howard Stern

'The New York Times' list is a bunch of crap. They ought to call it the editor's choice. It sure isn't based on sales. — Howard Stern

Mike Walker is the Hemingway of gossip. — Howard Stern

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists. — Howard Stern

I'm going to take over the world. Everyone watch out, you're in big trouble. — Howard Stern

I'm not a good listener some times. I'm too much of a control freak. I'm learning to be better. I was so caught up in just getting the job done that I would miss out on the human aspect of this. There was a connection missing. — Howard Stern

I believe I am doing the work for humanity. This show is so uplifting. — Howard Stern

I feel blessed, I really feel fulfilled. — Howard Stern

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys. — Howard Stern

Late night television is ready for someone like me ... standards have gone to an all-time low. — Howard Stern

We are busy planning the launch of the channel. I am busy planning all kinds of events that go on the channel without me. I have started producing a sound for the channel. — Howard Stern

I really didn't know much about the Libertarians. I knew they were for less government and more individual freedom. I liked that. — Howard Stern

This country (United States) has too many freedoms. — Howard Stern

Here's what happens when you die
you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens. — Howard Stern

I've never come into anything successful before. I've always been hired by horrible radio stations with horrendous reputations and nothing to lose. — Howard Stern

It causes me great pain to sue the company I work for. Nevertheless, I had to do it. Suffice it to say, there's a dispute and I believe I haven't been given what is mine. — Howard Stern

My show was revolutionary, ground-breaking. When I came on the scene, people were not doing a thing. — Howard Stern

I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene. — Howard Stern

Why be uptight about bowel movements and sex? We all have sex. We all have penises
except for those of us who have vaginas. — Howard Stern

It's no treat being in bed with me. — Howard Stern

I didn't listen to executives. — Howard Stern

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career. — Howard Stern

I've come to appreciate other people's talents. — Howard Stern

I've actually apologized to some people I was a real jerk to, because I feel ashamed. I didn't need to be that hungry. There was something going on inside me when I was angry and feeling very threatened and not feeling good about myself. — Howard Stern

I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated. — Howard Stern

I'm trapped inside of me and I don't go out at all. I go to bed at eight o'clock at night. I never go out during the week. I'm in psychotherapy four days a week, pretty heavy commitment to it. — Howard Stern

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse. — Howard Stern

I'm not looking for a paycheck. — Howard Stern

I will never feel successful. — Howard Stern

I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock. — Howard Stern

I'm a parent, and I regulate what my kids listen to. I don't need the government to be the parent. If I'm a crappy parent, then I need the government involved. — Howard Stern

Well, first of all, I'm worth every penny. — Howard Stern

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not? — Howard Stern

I don't think any religion makes any sense and I think people who are into that are really getting duped, and I don't think Judaism makes any more sense than Christianity, and I don't think Christianity makes any more sense than Scientology. But here's a guy, L. Ron Hubbard, who told all his friends, 'Look, I'm gonna start a religion, 'cause I can't make any money as a science fiction writer.' I mean, he admitted that publicly! At least with Jesus Christ, you can't go talk to the guy. — Howard Stern

I don't like being 50 and I don't like thinking about death. — Howard Stern

I'm for legalizing marijuana. Why pick on those drugs? Valium is legal. You just go to a doctor and get it and overdose on it - what's the difference? Prozac, all that stuff, so why not marijuana? Who cares? It's something that grows out of the ground - why not? Go smoke a head of cabbage. I don't care what you smoke. — Howard Stern

Please, with the God talk. Hate to break it to you, but there is no God. — Howard Stern

It's okay for a man to commit adultery if his wife is ugly. — Howard Stern

I believe we will start believing in God as we get closer to death. — Howard Stern

I wanted to go hide. I wasn't looking to be more famous, I'm famous enough. — Howard Stern

I was told David Letterman and Kaufman had heart attacks on the same day: David Letterman's heart attack was at a hospital in NYC. Kaufman's heart attack was at the red light district in Amsterdam, Holland. I think Kaufman had more fun.
You're a great artist. I just love the way you painted my portrait. — Howard Stern

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn't matter how many satellites you f
ing stick in the air. — Howard Stern

Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good. — Howard Stern

I'm sure some people might be offended by that, but this is my feeling about show business. It's not all about pure talent. There are certain people who command a stage because they look good ,like me. — Howard Stern

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised. — Howard Stern

I think I'm probably a little too desperate to be successful. — Howard Stern

We all get one life to live here. It's 2012, and for gay and lesbian couples who are in love, not to be able to be married is so absurd. — Howard Stern

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge. — Howard Stern

If you're a Christian you don't sit there and worry about what somebody else is doing, if they're happy and they're committed in a relationship. — Howard Stern

There are a lot of so-called "good Americans" who are really a bunch of bums. — Howard Stern

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience. — Howard Stern