Gail Carriger Quotes & Sayings

Later on Lady Maccon was to describe that particular day as the worst of her life. She had neither the soul nor the romanticism to consider childbirth magical or emotionally transporting. So far as she could gather it mostly involved pain indignity and mess. There was nothing engaging or appealing about the process. And as she told her husband firmly she intended never to go through it again. — Gail Carriger

Whoa there, miss, that's enough of that!"
"Oh dear me, are you hurt? Have I hurt you more?"
"I think most of me's fine, miss. Just, please, leave off the touching."
"I do apologize. I was only checking."
"Whoa, now. Not that I didn't like it, miss. You can check me much as you like, only later. — Gail Carriger

We realy must work on our communitcation. Perhaps if you were not so constantly intrested in other forms of intimacy, I might actually have access to the information I need to survive with my temper intact!" Alexia poked at him with a sharp finger. "More talk, less bed sport. — Gail Carriger

Lord Maccon was Scottish-big; this gentleman was only English-big - there was a distinct difference. — Gail Carriger

Falling out of the sky was one thing, but doing so for unknown reasons was quite unacceptable. Having — Gail Carriger

You do realise modern social mores exist for a reason?"
"I was hungry, allowances should be made. — Gail Carriger

Excellent. Ignorance is most undervalued in a student. — Gail Carriger

Her heart was beating a marathon somewhere in the region of her throat, her skin felt hot and stretched taut over her bones, and she was damp in places she was tolerably certain unmarried gentlewomen were not supposed to be damp in. — Gail Carriger

Show her I am a man of deeds, not lobsters, — Gail Carriger

A vampire, like a lady, never reveals his true age. — Gail Carriger

Now, remember, if there is gossip to be garnered, garner it. If there are new dress styles to be imitated, imitate them. If there are hearts to be broken, break them. — Gail Carriger

That woman," Lord Maccon spat,"is is definitely alpha and most certainly female. — Gail Carriger

As to your sister, she is quite a peach, is she not? You have been hiding her from me."
Lady Maccon would not be goaded. "Really, Channing, she is practically" - she paused to do some calculations - "one-twentieth your age. Or worse. Don't you want some maturity in your life?"
"Good God, no!"
"Well, how about some human decency?"
"Now you're just being insulting." Alexia huffed in amusement.
Channing raised blond eyebrows at her, handsome devil that he was. "Ah, but this is what I enjoy so much about immortality. The decades may pass for me, but the ladies, well, they will keep coming along all young and beautiful, now, won't they?"
"Channing, someone should lock you away."
"Now, Lady Maccon, that transpires tomorrow night, remember? — Gail Carriger

He nuzzled in at her neck kissing and licking her softly just below her ear. "Just a moment " he said. "I need a small reminder that you are here you are whole and you are mine. — Gail Carriger

I am entirely capable."
"Of what, waddling up to someone and ruthlessly bumping into them? — Gail Carriger

Well, let me go and wake Soap."
"Oh, no need to disturb him."
"Course there's need. Why do you think I was set to watch the hatch? Waiting on the ghost of boilers past? He'll box my ears if I don't tell him you came. — Gail Carriger

History wasn't precisely revered for its accuracy at the best of times. — Gail Carriger

Ivy Hisselpenny was the unfortunate victim of circumstances that dictated she be only-just-pretty, only-just-wealthy, and possessed of a terrible propensity for wearing extremely silly hats. — Gail Carriger

Lord Maccon looked up. "Grovel, you say?"
Lyall did not glance away from the latest vampire report he was perusing. "Grovel, my lord. — Gail Carriger

Alexia had, in part, compensated for a lack of soul through the liberal application of manners. This was rather like donning an outfit consisting entirely of accessories, but Alexia maintained that proper conduct was never a bad thing. — Gail Carriger

I'm Scottish," as if that would explain everything. The duke nodded, as if it did. "Yes, well, we can't all be from the right side of the country. Would — Gail Carriger

When all else fails, dress beautifully and throw your food. — Gail Carriger

Death can be jolly well inconvenient, if you ask me. — Gail Carriger

The Earl of Woolsey was indeed completely nude. He did not seem particularly perturbed by this fact, but Miss Tarabotti felt the sudden need to close her eyes tight and think about asparagus or something equally mundane. Coiled about him as she was, her chin wedged over one of his massive shoulders, she was being forced to look down, directly at a nicely round, but embarrassing bare, moon. And not the kind that caused werewolves to change either. Although it did seem to be changing aspects of her own anatomy that she would rather not think about. It was all a very heady - or bottomy? -experience. — Gail Carriger

Oh, Major, you do so love to annoy, don't you?"
"It is the stuff of living, my lady. — Gail Carriger

With werewolves gone and fire stoked, Sidheav stopped shaking. The tea, once it arrived, had its customary effect
engendering comfort and loosening the tongue. *That's tea for you*, thought Sophronia, *the great social lubricant.* Soon they had the whole story out of her. No wonder tea was considered a vital weapon of espionage. — Gail Carriger

Felicity was horrible and snide, but then Felicity had been a repulsive earwig ever since she first grew a vocabulary. — Gail Carriger

Can't you tell from the hair and the cheekbones? Humans don't grow that beautiful. Not outside of Denmark, anyway. — Gail Carriger

I simply feel that world domination is not my cup of tea. Is that shortsighted? — Gail Carriger

She felt, in fact, very absent from herself. Adrift, as if nothing might bring her back again. Not even tea. — Gail Carriger

Shut your cake hole, you revolting young blot. — Gail Carriger

Hail to the Victorious Parasol! — Gail Carriger

You're a wonderful dancer, Ria."
"Mademoiselle Geraldine's takes such things seriously."
"Ah. And how many ways do you know to kill me, while we dance?"
"Only two, but give me time."
"You have lovely eyes. Has anyone ever told you that?"
"What rot. They are a muddy green. What are you about, Lord Mersey?"
Felix sighed, looking genuinely perturbed. His air of ennui was shaken. "I am trying to court you. Truth be told, Miss Temminnick, you make it ruddy difficult!"
"Language, Lord Mersey." Sophronia felt her heart flutter strangely. Am I ready to be courted?
"See! — Gail Carriger

Tunstell, this is your Alpha speaking. Do as I tell you. You must regurgitate now.
Regurgitation is an involuntary action. You cannot simply order me to do it," replied Tunstell in a small voice.
"I most certainly can. Besides which, you are an actor."
Tunstell grimaced. "I've never had cause to vomit onstage. — Gail Carriger

If that Alpha wanted to dash off into the jungle with a mysterious goddess on her back on a whimsical evening run in the middle of a prospective battle, they would go with her. — Gail Carriger

It takes a great deal of money to acquire a look of not having spent any at all. — Gail Carriger

One should do what one is best at on as large a scale as possible. — Gail Carriger

Mortals trotted about in shoes and corsets made to limit movement, fashion for prey. — Gail Carriger

She wondered if the immortal's avoidance of life's ugliness was a matter of survival or bigotry. Lord Akeldama did so love to know all the gossip about the mundane world, but it was in the manner of a cat amusing himself among the butterflies without a need to interfere should their wings get torn off. They were only butterflies, after all. — Gail Carriger

Agatha, who was spending time in their room as her own was lonely, perked up. "I preferred the garrote myself."
The others looked at her, startled. Aside from the theater, and sleeping, Agatha rarely expressed an interest in anything. Let alone something espionage related.
"You do?" Dimity encouraged.
Agatha nodded. "You can wear it as jewelry, it hides away easily, and it's a nice clean death. — Gail Carriger

So, what do you think, my dear, will it be a girl or a boy?"
"It will be a soul-stealer, apparently."
"What!" The earl reared away from his wife and looked down at her suspiciously. — Gail Carriger

Alexia seemed to recall hearing one matron complain that the Italians were very passionate in their support of balls. — Gail Carriger

Ah, Lady Maccon, how lovely. I did wonder when you would track us down."
"I was unavoidably delayed by husbands and Ivys," explained Alexia.
"These things, regrettably, are bound to occur when one is married and befriended. — Gail Carriger

Here, I stole it for you. Why don't you tell me what it's for."
"Aw, Sophronia, how thoughtful. You brought me a present! — Gail Carriger

He also seemed to speak predominantly in italics. — Gail Carriger

How was I to know idiocy was only a temporary condition, especially in your case? It never has been before! — Gail Carriger

Conall,"
"Aye, Alexia?" He looked up at her. Was that fear in his caramel eyes?
"I am going to take advantage of you," she said — Gail Carriger

Sidheag, you think like a predator.' The Lady of Kingair glowed in pleasure. 'Thank you very much, Sophronia. What a nice thing to say. — Gail Carriger

He wants to know why my marks aren't better. Why I don't speak fluent French. Why I can't kill a fully grown man with a nutcracker. — Gail Carriger

Oh, Lady Maccon, I am unreservedly in love with her. That black hair, that sweet disposition, those capital hats. — Gail Carriger

I love stand-up comics, particularly those who have embraced podcasting. — Gail Carriger

Spin the parasol three times and repeat after me: I shield in the name of fashion. I accessorize for one and all. Pursuit of truth is my passion. This I vow by the great parasol. — Gail Carriger

Miss Temminnick, you are in receipt of the highest marks we have ever given in a six-month review. Your mind seems designed for espionage.
Nevertheless, you veer away from perfect in matters of etiquette. Do not let these marks go to your head; there are many girls at this school who are better than you.
Our biggest concern is what you get up to when we are not watching. Because, if nothing else, this test has told us you are probably spying on us, as well as everyone around you. — Gail Carriger

Footwear, after all, was a serious commitment. — Gail Carriger

Why? I mean, why you? I can perfectly comprehend not liking my husband. I dislike him intensely most of the time."
Professor Lyall stifled a chuckle. "I am given to understand that he does not approve of spelling one' s name with two ll's. He finds it inexcusably Welsh. I suspect he may be quite taken with you, however. — Gail Carriger

Smoke machines are the best! — Gail Carriger

Well, you are a werewolf, Scottish, naked, and covered in blood, and I am still holding your hand." He — Gail Carriger

The Earl of Woolsey glared at her. "Cheap clothing is no excuse for killing a man." "Mmm, that's what you say. — Gail Carriger

Alexia, did you know there is an entire regiment decamping on your front lawn?
Laddy Maccon sighed. Really, Ivy, I would never have noticed. — Gail Carriger

My dearest girl,' said the vampire finally, examining Lord Maccon with an exhausted but appreciative eye, 'such a banquet. Never been one to favor werewolves myself, but he is very well equipped, now, is he not?'
Miss Tarabotti gave him an arch look. 'My goodies,' she warned.
Humans,' chuckled the vampire, 'so possessive. — Gail Carriger

Ooh, ooh, ooh!" Ivy was practically bouncing in excitement over some kind of revelation. "I had a thought," she said, examining the edge of the wooden stake with interest. "Oh, yes?" encouraged Alexia loudly. Ivy stopped and frowned, her pert little face creased in worry. "I said I had one. It appears to have vanished. — Gail Carriger

I kissed her," he explained, aggrieved.
"Mmm, yes, I had the dubious pleasure of witnessing that, ah-hem, overly public occurrence." Lyall sharpened his pen nib, using a small copper blade that ejected from the end of his glassicals.
"Well! Why hasn't she done anything about it?" the Alpha wanted to know.
"You mean like whack you upside the noggin with that deadly parasol of hers? I would be cautious in that area if I were you. — Gail Carriger

I've brought you Byron--always makes things better. — Gail Carriger

Werewolves have been susceptible to the gentler sex for as long as I can remember, and that is a very long time, indeed. — Gail Carriger

Oh, do shove off, Lady Bling. I was thinking some rather important thoughts before you interrupted me. — Gail Carriger

Sheep?"
"Sheep."
"Sheep!"
...
"Yes, as in baaaa. — Gail Carriger

What if I arrange to be around Lord Akeldama during the full moon?"
The earl looked daggers.
"I am certain he would be extremely helpful in a fight. He could ruthlessly flatter all your attackers into abject submission. — Gail Carriger

Yes, but look what a mess you have made of things prior to my arrival." Lady Maccon was not to be dissuaded from her chosen course of action. "Someone has to tell Conall that Kingair is to blame." "If none of them are changing, he'll find out as soon as he arrives. His lordship would not like you following him." "His lordship can eat my fat - " Lady Maccon paused, thought the better of her crass words, and said, " - does not have to like it. Nor do you. The fact remains that this morning Floote will secure for me passage on the afternoon's dirigible to Glasgow. His lordship can take it up with me when I arrive. — Gail Carriger

Quietly Sophronia added, "And the soot on my dress, sir?"
"I didn't see anything." Professor Braithwope smiled down at her, showing a small hint of fang.
Sophronia grinned back. "I'm glad we understand each other, sir."
The vampire looked out into the night. "This is the right finishing school for you, isn't it, whot?"
"Yes sir, I think it might very well be."
"A piece of advice, Miss Temminnick?"
"Sir?"
"It is a great skill to have friends in low places. They, too, have things to teach you."
"Now, sir, I thought you didn't see any soot. — Gail Carriger

Professor Lyall said, "His lordship did say something about dealing with an embarrassing family emergency." "Am I not family?" wondered Lady Maccon. To which Lyall muttered under his breath, "And often embarrassing. — Gail Carriger

Only in a library did she feel completely capable of collecting her finer feelings and recuperating from such a wearying day. — Gail Carriger

I Preserve the nonviable embryo in formaldehyde for future study. Lord Maccon has been drinking my samples. When confronted, he admitted to be enjoying both the refreshing beverage and the 'crunchy pickled snack' as well. I was not pleased (Professor Lyall to Madame Lefoux) — Gail Carriger

The redhead looked back and forth between them with dread in her eyes. Oh, dear, scheming. I was afraid this would happen if we got chummy again. — Gail Carriger

If left together for too long, the two of them might actually take over the civilized world, through sheer application of snide remarks. — Gail Carriger

Uh, my lord, I am not actually food. You do realize this, yes? — Gail Carriger

So this pesto I enjoy so much is really an infamous Italian antisupernatural weapon? — Gail Carriger

Things were always funnier when one was lying down. — Gail Carriger

Miss Alexia Tarabotti was not enjoying her evening. Private balls were never more than middling amusements for spinsters, and Miss Tarabotti was not the kind of spinster who could garner even that much pleasure from the event. To put the pudding in the puff: she had retreated to the library, her favorite sanctuary in any house, only to happen upon an unexpected vampire. She — Gail Carriger

You think loyalty can be bought?" "Don't you? — Gail Carriger

Your daughter would like to know if you are still going insane, dear." Paw considered this. "I've been married to your mother for over two decades. You might allow me certain dispensation for eccentricity. — Gail Carriger

It is a valuable thing for an intelligencer to be forgotten. — Gail Carriger

I believe there is a considerable range in the bang of most guns. — Gail Carriger

Bland, good as a side dish, but really only palatable when there is nothing better available. — Gail Carriger

Trust me, darling, it is never a good idea to have too many queens in one place, let alone one palace." "To — Gail Carriger

He dinna act like an Alpha."
"He does in some areas. — Gail Carriger

Dewan ex machina — Gail Carriger

Who the devil are you?" Alexia asked, the man's cavalier interference irritating her into using actual profanity. "Major Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings." Alexia gawked. No wonder he was so very full of himself. One would have to be, laboring all one's life under a name like that. "Well, — Gail Carriger

Like to go somewhere more private and be scandalous some more? — Gail Carriger

Too many things were going on in her head at once, and it was causing her eyes to leak. — Gail Carriger

How often have I warned you against fraternizing with technology? — Gail Carriger

The mechanimal sat back on his haunches and sent a puff of smoke at her, tail wagging back and forth hopefully. — Gail Carriger

The tea, once it arrived, had its customary effect - engendering comfort and loosening the tongue. That's tea for you, thought Sophronia, the great social lubricant. — Gail Carriger

You have been fraternizing with warewolves overmuch! Military men can be terribly bad for one's verbal concatenation! — Gail Carriger

As for genre, my adult books are usually filed under science fiction / fantasy, although some stores put them into romance, and few have stuck them into horror. I consider all my books a mix of steampunk and urban fantasy. — Gail Carriger

Trust is a lot to ask of someone. — Gail Carriger

He could not stand Alexia Tarabotti, even if her lovely brown eyes twinkled when she laughed, and she smelled good, and she had a particularly splendid figure. — Gail Carriger

She hasn't caught a slight fatality, has she? — Gail Carriger

Cats were not, in her experience, an animal with much soul. Prosaic, practical little creatures as a general rule. It would suit her very well to be thought catlike. — Gail Carriger

A ball, at last! Dimity Plumleigh-Teignmott sank back into her chair in delight. — Gail Carriger

She took a moment to lament her lack of parasol. Every time she left the house, she felt keenly the absence of her heretofore ubiquitous accessory. — Gail Carriger