Dorothy Parker Quotes & Sayings

I hate writing, I love having written. — Dorothy Parker

All those writers who write about their childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me. — Dorothy Parker

On lady novelists: As artists they're rot, but as providers they're oil wells; they gush. Norris said she never wrote a story unless it was fun to do. I understand Ferber whistles at her typewriter. — Dorothy Parker

Mrs. Ewing was a short woman who accepted the obligation borne by so many short women to make up in vivacity what they lack in number of inches from the ground. — Dorothy Parker

Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them. — Dorothy Parker

The affair between Margot Asquinth and Margot Asquinth will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature. — Dorothy Parker

I never see that prettiest thing- A cherry bough gone white with Spring- But what I think, How gay 'twould be To hang me from a flowering tree. — Dorothy Parker

I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you. — Dorothy Parker

Like many a better one before me, I have gone down under the force of numbers, under the books and books and books that keep coming out and coming out and coming out, shoals of them, spates of them, flash floods of them, too blame many books, and no sign of an end. — Dorothy Parker

(Scottish Terriers) have all the compactness of a small dog and all the valor of a big one. And they are so exceedingly sturdy that it is proverbial that the only thing fatal to them is being run over by an automobile - in which case the car itself knows it has been in a fight. — Dorothy Parker

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism. — Dorothy Parker

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised. — Dorothy Parker

My own dear love, he is all my world -
And I wish I'd never met him. — Dorothy Parker

Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you. — Dorothy Parker

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. — Dorothy Parker

Time doth flit; oh shit. — Dorothy Parker

Gratitude - the meanest and most snivelling attribute in the world. — Dorothy Parker

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. — Dorothy Parker

If this world were anything near what it should be there would be no more need of a Book Week than there would be a of a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. — Dorothy Parker

I know that an author must be brave enough to chop away clinging tentacles of good taste for the sake of a great work. But this is no great work, you see. — Dorothy Parker

It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate. — Dorothy Parker

Oh, gallant was the first love, and glittering and fine;
The second love was water, in a clear white cup;
The third love was his, and the fourth was mine;
And after that, I always get them all mixed up. — Dorothy Parker

To me, the raveled sleeve of care is never more painlessly knitted up than in an evening alone in a chair snug yet copious, with a good light and an easily held little volume sloppily printed and bound in inexpensive paper. I do not ask much of it - which is just as well, for that is all I get. It does not matter if I guess the killer, and if I happen to discover, along around page 208, that I have read the work before, I attribute the fact not to the less than arresting powers of the author, but to my own lazy memory. I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours. In all reverence I say Heaven bless the Whodunit, the soothing balm on the wound, the cooling hand on the brow, the opiate of the people.
Book review Of Ellery Queen: The New York Murders, from Esquire, January 1959 — Dorothy Parker

I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending. — Dorothy Parker

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. — Dorothy Parker

Tonstant Weader fwowed up. — Dorothy Parker

Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt. — Dorothy Parker

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.
[Women Know Everything!] — Dorothy Parker

They say of me, and so they should,
It's doubtful if I come to good.
I see acquaintances and friends
Accumulating dividends
And making enviable names
In science, art and parlor games.
But I, despite expert advice,
Keep doing things I think are nice,
And though to good I never come
Inseparable my nose and thumb. — Dorothy Parker

Somewhere, there, is an analogy, in a small way, if you have the patience for it. But I guess it isn't a very good anecdote. I'm better at animal stories. — Dorothy Parker

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye. — Dorothy Parker

A liberal is a man who leaves the room before the fight starts. — Dorothy Parker

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away. — Dorothy Parker

But I give you my word, in the entire book there is nothing that cannot be said aloud in mixed company. And there is, also, nothing that makes you a bit the wiser. I wonder
oh, what will you think of me
if those two statements do not verge upon the synonymous. — Dorothy Parker

Please don't let me hope, dear God. Please don't. I — Dorothy Parker

I misremember who first was cruel enough to nurture the cocktail party into life. But perhaps it would be not too much to say, in fact it would be not enough to say, that it was not worth the trouble. — Dorothy Parker

I give her sadness and the gift of pain,
a new moon madness and a love of rain. — Dorothy Parker

I've never been a millionaire but I know I'd be just darling at it. — Dorothy Parker

He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight. — Dorothy Parker

My love runs by like a day in June, And he makes no friends of sorrows. He'll tread his galloping rigadoon In the pathway of the morrows. He'll live his days where the sunbeams start, Nor could storm or wind uproot him. My own dear love, he is all my heart,
And I wish somebody'd shoot him. — Dorothy Parker

Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown? — Dorothy Parker

Tommy and his little playmates don't regard being young as just one of those things that are likely to happen to anybody. They make a business of it. And — Dorothy Parker

This living, this living, this living Was never a project of mine. — Dorothy Parker

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks. — Dorothy Parker

Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. — Dorothy Parker

Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are. — Dorothy Parker

What writes worse than a Theodore Dreiser? ... Two Theodore Dreisers. — Dorothy Parker

Money was made, not to command our will, But all our lawful pleasures to fulfill. Shame and woe to us, if we our wealth obey; The horse doth with the horseman away. — Dorothy Parker

tomorrow's gone-we'll have tonight! — Dorothy Parker

I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things. — Dorothy Parker

I'll think about something else. I'll just sit quietly. If I could sit still. If I could sit still, maybe I could read. Oh, all the books are about people who love each other, truly and sweetly. What do they want to write about that for? Don't they know it isn't true? Don't they know it's a lie, it's a God-damned lie? What do they have to tell about that for, when they know how it hurts? — Dorothy Parker

[On hearing that Clare Boothe Luce was invariably kind to her inferiors:] And where does she find them? — Dorothy Parker

If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you. — Dorothy Parker

Don't look at me in that tone of voice. — Dorothy Parker

They are sad books, filled with sad and skinless people. There are some who do not like such books. The world, too, is crowded with the sorrowful and the sensitive. There are many who do not like such a world. — Dorothy Parker

Lips that taste of tears, they say,
Are the best for kissing. — Dorothy Parker

On being told of the death of former President Calvin Coolidge: How could they tell? — Dorothy Parker

Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction. — Dorothy Parker

[On Lou Tellegen's Women Have Been Kind:] The book ... has all the elegance of a quirked little finger and all the glitter of a pair of new rubbers. — Dorothy Parker

You think You're frightening me with Your hell, don't You? You think Your hell is worse than mine. — Dorothy Parker

When you're awake, all the men go and fall for you -
Sleep, pretty lady, and give me a chance
(From the poem "Lullaby") — Dorothy Parker

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I'd be darling at it. — Dorothy Parker

So, you're the man who can't spell 'fuck.'"
Dorothy Parker to Norman Mailer after publishers had convinced Mailer to replace the word with a euphemism, 'fug,' in his 1948 book, "The Naked and the Dead. — Dorothy Parker

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both. — Dorothy Parker

Yes, well, let me tell you that if nobody had ever learned to quote, very few people would be in love with La Rochefoucauld. I bet you I don't know ten souls who read him without a middleman. — Dorothy Parker

A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika. — Dorothy Parker

Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness. — Dorothy Parker

Women and elephants never forget. — Dorothy Parker

It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day. — Dorothy Parker

[On an actor who'd broken her leg in London:] Oh, how terrible. She must have done it sliding down a barrister. — Dorothy Parker

As for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser, it will erase ink. — Dorothy Parker

Art is a form of catharsis. — Dorothy Parker

There was nothing separate about her days. Like drops on the window-pane, they ran together and trickled away. — Dorothy Parker

Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa. — Dorothy Parker

Hollywood is the one place on earth where you could die of encouragement. — Dorothy Parker

I wish, I wish I were a poisonous bacterium. — Dorothy Parker

People are more than fun than anybody. — Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples
change one letter and it's the story of my life. — Dorothy Parker

Never throw mud. You may miss your mark, but you will have dirty hands. — Dorothy Parker

Mrs. Whittaker's dress was always studiously suited to its occasion; thus, her bearing had always that calm that only the correctly attired may enjoy. — Dorothy Parker

[Suggesting an epitaph for herself:] This is on me. — Dorothy Parker

She dreamed by day of never again putting on tight shoes, of never having to laugh and listen and admire, of never more being a good sport. Never. — Dorothy Parker

For this my mother wrapped me warm,
And called me home against the storm,
And coaxed my infant nights to quiet,
And gave me roughage in my diet,
And tucked me in my bed at eight,
And clipped my hair, and marked my weight,
And watched me as I sat and stood:
That I might grow to womanhood
To hear a whistle and drop my wits
And break my heart to clattering bits. — Dorothy Parker

Everybody's got their troubles. — Dorothy Parker

He lies below, correct in cypress wood, And entertains the most exclusive worms. — Dorothy Parker

Out in Hollywood, where the streets are paved with Goldwyn ... — Dorothy Parker

Maybe it is only I, but conditions are such these days, that if you use studiously correct grammar, people suspect you of homosexual tendencies. — Dorothy Parker

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty. — Dorothy Parker

It is that word 'hunny,' my darlings, that marks the first place in The House at Pooh Corner at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up. — Dorothy Parker

Three highballs, and I think I'm St. Francis of Assisi. — Dorothy Parker

Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened! — Dorothy Parker

Frustration

If I had a shiny gun,
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folk who give me pains;

Or had I some poison gas,
I could make the moments pass
Bumping off a number of
People whom I do not love.

But I have no lethal weapon-
Thus does Fate our pleasure step on!
So they still are quick and well
Who should be, by rights, in hell. — Dorothy Parker

This must be a gift book. That is to say a book, which you wouldn't take on any other terms. — Dorothy Parker

The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt. — Dorothy Parker

At birth the Devil touched my tongue. — Dorothy Parker

He and I had an office so tiny, that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery. — Dorothy Parker

Dance, you jazz-mad puppets of fate, and — Dorothy Parker

I've seen the way he dances; it looks like something you do on Saint Walpurgis Night. — Dorothy Parker

I've finally gotten to the bottom of things. — Dorothy Parker

Once I was coming down a street in Beverly Hills and I saw a Cadillac about a block long, and out of the side window was a wonderfully slinky mink, and an arm, and at the end of the arm a hand in a white suede glove wrinkled around the wrist, and in the hand was a bagel with a bite out of it. — Dorothy Parker