Danny Wallace Quotes & Sayings

The only time you have no opportunities is when you decide to stop taking them. — Danny Wallace

Because it is illegal to talk to a stranger on a train, it can sometimes be confusing when someone stands on your foot or hits you with their briefcase and then fails to say sorry. Which is why I have decided to carry an air horn with me at all times, and when someone stands on my foot I will set it off in their face and then go back to reading my paper. I imagine this will make people want to avoid standing on my feet, but if I've paid good money for the air horn, I'll want to use it, so I'll wear massive clown-shoes while travelling. I'll also wear a red nose and a wig.
Essentially, I really want to get into clowning. — Danny Wallace

Essays just aren't my thing: no matter how hard I tried, it seemed I was always a bit average. — Danny Wallace

I was her world, yes, and I was at that point we all reach where I was denying she was mine. I'd never quiet forgive myself for that. — Danny Wallace

I think we all have those moments at one point or other in our lives ... when we see someone and immediately imagine a whole universe around them. A relationship, a future, and all based on just a second which might not even have been in their company. It's amazing how quickly the human mind can come up with this stuff. — Danny Wallace

I lay, shamefaced and embarrassed, in my bed. Which is a deeply unusual place for me to feel shamefaced and embarrassed, and anyone who says otherwise is a bloody liar. — Danny Wallace

What a terrible thing, I thought, to let a moment go. — Danny Wallace

It was 8am. My phone was ringing. What kind of society do we live in where someone can make your phone ring at 8am? There should be rules. — Danny Wallace

I just think - '
'Don't think. If you think, you'll never truly get over her. Thinking just extends things.'
So I decided not to think. — Danny Wallace

I didn't know how to feel. I'd been rebuffed. I hadn't even been trying to buff. — Danny Wallace

I think if you've got a good idea it will stand out in one of the different mediums. For example, something might happen to me today and it could be something to talk about tomorrow on the radio, or I can write about it, or perhaps it will be best suited to telly. — Danny Wallace

Sometimes life isn't magical, you see. Sometimes life is everyday. Its a trip to the keycutters in a rushed lunch break. It's the light, high rattle of a lightbulb's broken filament. It's your neighbour coming round to tell you you've left your car lights on.
Yes rarely its something outer. Maybe it's the glance of a girl on Charlotte street, for example. But how long before a glance runs out? How long can you keep coasting on a look? — Danny Wallace

I'm a long-time fan of Rob Long, and his books are hugely re-readable, detailing the ins and outs of being a Hollywood comedy writer with a past success but with everything to prove. — Danny Wallace

I mean No is power. No says, "I'm in charge." Think about how many times you've said yes in the past year, and how many times you would've liked to have said no instead. Maybe being able to say no is the one thing that keeps us sane. Some people go through their whole lives saying yes over and over again--yes to things they don't want to do but feel obliged to; yes to things that allow other people to take advantage of them, just because that's the way things are, the way things have always been. Some people need to learn how to say no. Because every time they say yes, they say no to themselves. — Danny Wallace

Take the stupidest thing you've ever done. At least it's done. It's over. It's gone. We can all learn from our mistakes and heal and move on. But it's harder to learn or heal or move on from something that hasn't happened; something we don't know and is therefore indefinable; something which could very easily have been the best thing in our lives, if only we'd taken the plunge, if only we'd held our breath and stood up and done it, if only we'd said yes. — Danny Wallace

A man came up to me at a party and asked if I wanted to be in his video game. I of course said yes. And then it turned out it was 'Assassin's Creed', so that was great. They let me ad lib a lot and mess about and be very snarky indeed, and I'm thrilled by the success of all their hard work. — Danny Wallace

It appears your son was 85 percent curry! — Danny Wallace

I grabbed my coat. We were off.
Well, I grabbed my coat, waited the best part of an hour for Hanne to choose between one pair of black trousers and another virtually identical pair, had a cup of tea, approved the trousers, and then we were off. — Danny Wallace

If I was going to act irresponsibly, the least I could do was be responsible for it. — Danny Wallace

It's the what if? The what then? And we know that if we go for it, if we risk it, we immediately stand to lose it. But weirdly, some part of us believes the feeling is two-way, because it must be; it's too special not to be. We believe that something's been shared, even if the evidence we have is ... what? A look that lasted a breath longer then we're used to? A second glance, when the glance could easily have been to check whether there are any cabs coming, or whether the jacket we're wearing that's caught their eyes would look good on their boyfriend, or why it is we seem to be staring at them.
I saw you. You don't use overhead handles on the train. Hoped it would jolt and you would fall to me. But no.
I smiled. These small moments, never said out loud, as formed and perfect as sweet little haikus, romance and longing carved out in the dust of a grubby city. — Danny Wallace

Anonymity is an abused privilege, abused most by people who mistake vitriol for wisdom and cynicism for wit. — Danny Wallace

You were always an underdog in a videogame, but always guaranteed to win if you just kept plugging away, learned the moves, knew when to Save and when to Quit. — Danny Wallace

I try to find where the fun is and go there and then get asked if I want to have more fun. That's the way I want my life to go. Follow the fun. — Danny Wallace

Yeah, but if you r heart isn't in it, you need to be where your heart is. — Danny Wallace

And before any Christian readers get all offended - relax. I'm not saying that I'm the new Jesus. I'm just saying there's a very good chance that I might be. — Danny Wallace

Hello?' said the taxi driver, and I realized that it's all very well having an internal monologue, but it does tend to leave the other person a bit stranded, conversationally. — Danny Wallace

My wife said to me recently that she hates couples who finish each other's sentences for them. I agreed that it was annoying, but it made me think that perhaps we were missing out on something, so now every time she says anything, I say 'full stop' at the end. I have been doing it for a full week now, and it has really kept the romance alive. — Danny Wallace

And as I looked at the star, I realised what millions of other people have realised when looking at stars. We're tiny. We don't matter. We're here for a second and then gone the next. We're a sneeze in the life of the universe. — Danny Wallace

Because the one thing I hate about hope - the one thing I despise about it, that no one ever seems to admit about it- is that suddenly having hope is the easiest route to sudden hopelessness there is. — Danny Wallace

Listen, um ... in case you even feel like saying hello ... ' I said, and I handed something else to her
My disposable camera. Twelve moments of my own.
She took it, and smiled like she understood, then looked at me once more. It was a look of recognition, something slowly dawning on her, my face meaning more to her then it had.
'I knew I knew you,' she said.
'I think I knew I knew you, too, I said. — Danny Wallace

The people who know you well are the people who know your vulnerabilities. — Danny Wallace

Because isn't to be pursued, to be thought of as special, to be needed by someone somewhere, whether we know them yet or not, all any of us actually want? — Danny Wallace

The sad thing is, I was discovering that you almost have to make a joke of being good to strangers. Up and down the country, these people doing their good deeds were doubtless being seen as slightly eccentric, when in reality and in an ideal world they should be deemed the most normal people of all. — Danny Wallace

I recommend keeping a diary. Diaries are cool. — Danny Wallace

The closed mind is a disease. You need to have an open mind; otherwise life will just pass you by. — Danny Wallace

Hello?'
'Mum?'
'Yes! Who's that?.'
'Your only son.'
A pause.
'Daniel?'
To be fair, I'd only given her one clue. — Danny Wallace

Yeah, she must work round here. Lot of high class escorts i. this area. And traffic wardens, too. She's probably one or the other. — Danny Wallace

This might just be two people in a queue, but this has become a mighty battle of wills - a war between all that is right and all that is wrong - and it is I and I alone standing at the gates between one minor slight in the queue-munity, and outright supermarket-based anarchy. In many ways, I am doing this for you. — Danny Wallace

This is best thing about being manly: it's so easy to fake. Smear some oil on your face, or nod and say "Aaah" near mechanics. — Danny Wallace

It's funny. Dev had always said disposables were different. That what they contained was more special because you couldn't instantly see inside. You had to wait. You had to invest in the moment and then wait to see what you got. And those moments had to be the right moments. You had to be sure you wanted this moment when you pressed the button, because time was always running out, you were always one click closer to the end. That's what it felt like here. But that's what made it exciting.
I looked at the tin number at the top of the wheel.
1.
Eleven more clicks.
What would they be? Who'd be in them? What story would they tell? — Danny Wallace

We supped at our pints, imagining a whale fighting a giant squid, probably just as thousands of other men in pubs across the land were doing at that moment. — Danny Wallace

Wagamama. Text messaging aficionados might like to note that this is one of the most satisfying words you can possibly type. — Danny Wallace

I rapped on the door. By which I mean I knocked on it, not that I did a little MC-ing. But if I had've done a little MC-ing, it would've been quite angry stuff, like NWA when they're on about the Rodney King incident. Only I'd have made it less about police brutality and more about old Devon men ripping young folk off with their made-up stories of broken down cars. And there I think you'll find the main difference between British and American crime. — Danny Wallace

But the happiest people are the ones who understand that good things occur when one allows them to. — Danny Wallace

Sometimes the little opportunities that fly at us each day can have the biggest impact. — Danny Wallace

Why doesn't he say something to her?
But I knew why. Because there's the creeping fear that these moments don't actually exist outside your own head. No eyes meet across a crowded room, no two people thing precisely the same thing, and if only one person actually has that moment, is it even really a moment at all?
We know this, so we say nothing. We avert our eyes, or pretend to be looking for change, we hope the other person will take the initiative, because we don't want to risk losing this feeling of excitement and possibilities and lust. It's too perfect. That little second of hope is worth something, possibly for ever, as we lie on out deathbeds, surrounded by our children, and our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren, and we can't help but quickly give on last selfish, dying thought to what could have happened if we'd actually said hello to that girl in the Uggs selling CDs outside Nando's seventy-four years earlier. — Danny Wallace

But unlike the classically trained, my dancing had no respect for so-called boundaries; I wasn't afraid to break the rules. — Danny Wallace

Probably some of the best things that have ever happened to you in life, happened because you said yes to something. Otherwise things just sort of stay the same. — Danny Wallace

I sat down on the sofa, surrounded by years of coffee rings and sandwich stains. If the police ever did a DNA test on this sofa, it would be ninety per cent disappointment. — Danny Wallace

It's just a bit annoying when a man you've only just met thinks you're planning to assassinate a world leader. It puts a downer on your whole day. You start wondering who else people think you're secretly planning to kill. — Danny Wallace

The words 'mainly in America' translated to me as 'this is bollocks' and I sat back in my chair with a sigh. — Danny Wallace

I will say yes to every favor, request, suggestion and invitation. I will swear to say yes where once I would say no. — Danny Wallace

Maybe sometimes it's riskier not to take a risk. Sometimes all you're guaranteeing is that things will stay the same. — Danny Wallace

Andy had been a good friend, and a good human being. Someone who was loyal, and upbeat, and funny. You think if you're not in touch with someone, everything is probably okay with them. Life just ticks along. They do the same things as you. They grow up. They meet a girl. Maybe they get married. They progress in their work. Perhaps they get into IT, or move abroad, or have a kid. Maybe they get rich, maybe they stay poor. But you never, ever think, that maybe they're dead. — Danny Wallace

The people around you are you. They share your history. They can even write it with you. And when you lose one, there's no doubt you lose some of yourself, however they're lost. — Danny Wallace

I was saying yes because when you're in love, the world is full of possibilities, and when you're in love, you want to take every single one of them. — Danny Wallace

The golden hour
that hour of sunshine where the world looks the way it looks in your dreams. — Danny Wallace

Sometimes I look at myself and think, Is this it?, and then I think, Yes, it is. This is literally the best you will ever look. Tomorrow, you will look just a little bit worse, and this is how it will go, for ever. — Danny Wallace

At first I assumed he was a Mexican, but slowly began to realise that a real Mexican probably wouldn't be wearing a sombrero in a London nightclub. And he'd probably have a real moustache, not a stick-on one. A Mexican with a stick-on moustache would be like a Super-Mexican, because he'd have two moustaches, and that'd be cool, because a Super-Mexican could probably use his poncho as a cape, and then I realised I was saying all this to the man's face. — Danny Wallace

I had it all planned. Or, not planned exactly, but I'd planned to make plans. Plans were very much part of my plan. — Danny Wallace

I don't know if she has a boyfriend. You should ask her.'
'If I ask her, she'll say yes. It's better not to know. That way you're always in with a chance. Even if they're with their husbands, and you've just watched them take their vows, never ask them if they're married. Totally ruins your chances. — Danny Wallace