Christopher Healy Quotes & Sayings

Can odds be evened?" Duncan asked. "That just sounds wrong. — Christopher Healy

When writing down a plan, I suggest numbering the steps. But just in case your plan falls into enemy hands, make sure you number them in the wrong order. - The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle — Christopher Healy

Wow," a man said. "The song made you sound like an average loser, but in reality you were a horribly pathetic loser. — Christopher Healy

By almost any assessment, the giant was a terrible artist. But he was lucky enough to settle in Jangleheim, a nation whose people had notoriously poor taste. Which just goes to show: There's a place for everybody. — Christopher Healy

He was curious to know more about her. So he did something extremely rare. He sent her a note. Even more shocking, he suggested they meet. In person. Two people from different kingdoms - who are engaged to be married. Crazy, I know. — Christopher Healy

It is the villains who covet treasure, not the heroes. Unless the treasure in question is a really snazzy belt buckle, in which case, who can resist? - THE HERO'S GUIDE TO BEING A HERO — Christopher Healy

Mere words cannot defeat a true hero. Unless they happen to be the words to some sort of Instant Death Spell. Magic is scary. — Christopher Healy

Can you believe the man rhymed 'Rumplestiltskin' with 'crumpled napkins'? — Christopher Healy

Frederic had imagined this moment - him running to Ella with open arms, calling her name - but being as winded as he was, doubled over with his hands on his knees, all he could do was nod in her general direction. — Christopher Healy

Ha! Good luck, lady!" Gustav laughed and tapped his thick index finger against his temple. "No one knows what goes on inside this head. Not even me. — Christopher Healy

Listen up, Mount High-Hair," Gustav barked. "Say what you want about me, but lay off the rest of the team. I've been through a lot of stuff with these people. Nobody can tell me that Fancy Dancer and Lady Slick-Pants aren't heroes. Captain Gloom-Cape over there, too. And even Shrimp Charming has his moments."
Briar leaned back in her chair. "I admire your ability to insult your friends *while* you defend them. It's a rare talent. — Christopher Healy

The people need a hero. But all they've got is . . . me. — Christopher Healy

You're never too young to start being a hero. Practice dueling one-handed so you never need to drop your blankie. - THE HERO'S GUIDE TO BEING A HERO — Christopher Healy

Glances were exchanged around the table. There were some uneasy winces, a couple of ambivalent shrugs, a few determined nods, and one delighted giggle (but only because Duncan had spotted another funny caterpillar). — Christopher Healy

No one is defined by a single act," Frederic said. "Whether it was years ago or weeks ago. We're all given chances to change, to make up for things we've done wrong. It's how we handle those opportunities that really matters. — Christopher Healy

Get him now?" Duncan asked. He looked at the sword in his hand. Unsure of what he should do, he tossed the weapon at the giant. The sword flipped through the air a couple of times and landed softly on the grass only a few feet away.
"That was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen," said Gustav.
Duncan stepped forward to retrieve his sword, tripped over his belt, hit his head on a rock, and knocked himself out cold.
"I spoke to soon," said Gustav. "That was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. — Christopher Healy

Hey! Someone in the crowd is carrying a 'Duncan the Daring' sign!" Duncan shouted. "Oh, it's Frank," he added, less enthusiastically. — Christopher Healy

Look, sometimes being a hero isn't about getting the glory. It's about doing what needs to be done -Liam — Christopher Healy

Duncan,we're still in prison," Frederic said dryly. "You're not going to see anything except this cell. Which has spiders, by the way. Have you noticed the spiders?" "Indeed I have: Carmen, Zippy, and Dr. T," Duncan said. — Christopher Healy

Gustav," he said, "I'm proud of you. You can relax now. — Christopher Healy

Someone's having a pity party and didn't invite the rest of us. — Christopher Healy

Look," Liam said, "sometimes being a hero isn't about getting the glory. It's about doing what needs to be done. — Christopher Healy

Once you've been squashed by a giant, a troll doesn't even seem nearly as heavy. — Christopher Healy

On still another road, a green-haired man wobbled by on peppermint-stick stilts; a fiery-plumed bird of paradise perched on his shoulder. But he's not in this story, so don't pay any attention to him. — Christopher Healy

You're a way-getter-inner, I can tell. — Christopher Healy

I'm Liam of Erinthia. I'm here to rescue you ... And You are not Cinderella. You are a tree branch wrapped in a sheet — Christopher Healy

When facing unbeatable odds, just think of yourself as unbeatably odd. (The Hero's Guide to Being a Hero) — Christopher Healy

Sometimes a hero can be found in the most unexpected of places. That's when you must say to him, "Get out of my kitchen, silly! Don't you have some monsters to fight?" - The Hero's Guide to Being a Hero — Christopher Healy

Accidents happen. I will, um ... I will pay to have your house rebuilt."
"And my barn?" a woman called out.
Liam sighed. "Yes, and your barn, too."
"And my golden carousel?" shouted another man. "Will you pay for that?"
Liam raised an eyebrow. "The giant smashed your golden carousel?"
"No," said the man. "I'd just like to have a golden carousel. — Christopher Healy

That," Liam said, "it'll be a lot to live up to." Frederic smiled. "So let's live up to it. — Christopher Healy

Wild card, got it," Duncan said. "Just like in Crazy Eights. I can be a diamond; I can be a spade. Whatever you need me to be, I'm that thing. That is so me. — Christopher Healy

I'm pretty much a goddess around here. — Christopher Healy

(during which Gustav was so overwhelmed by emotion that he actually gave Frederic a pat on the back), — Christopher Healy

It's still a cowl, Frederic grumbled (few things could cause him to summon up his inner courage like improper word usage). — Christopher Healy

He opened the door and entered the Stumpy Boarhound. Which you knew he would do. Because you read the prologue. — Christopher Healy

Everybody, listen!" he shouted to the far-off crowds. "Rundark has super-powerful magical bombs. And they will be headed straight toward those giant vision orbs you're watching. You need to get as far away from those orbs as possible!"
And all around the Thirteen Kingdoms, seven people turned away from the orbs and fled. Yes, that's right: seven. The thousands of others stayed glued to the action. They'd discovered a new form of moving-picture entertainment, and nothing was going to tear them away — Christopher Healy

No, Princes Charming," Duncan cheerfully corrected. "'Prince' is the noun; that's what gets pluralized. 'Charming' is an adjective; you can't add an S to it like that. — Christopher Healy

Please tell me he's not skipping. — Christopher Healy

Duncan, what are you?"
"Human!" Duncan cried, trembling with excitement.
"More specific," Liam said, still dramatically.
"A five-foot-two human!"
"I'm going for hero here," Liam hinted under his breath. — Christopher Healy

I'll show Dunky he's not the only one in the family who can rush foolishly into danger! — Christopher Healy

Oh, by the way, you're going to have to turn over some of your land to the trolls.) — Christopher Healy

Listen dear hearts to the tale I now sing, / of bad guys from Dar and something something!" He stopped and scratched his chin. "I should probably only use one 'something. — Christopher Healy