Famous Quotes & Sayings

Christian Lander Quotes & Sayings

Enjoy the top 16 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Christian Lander.

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Famous Quotes By Christian Lander

Christian Lander Quotes 761446

White people are drawn to farmer's markets like moths to a flame. In fact, white people have such strong instincts that if
you release a white person into a random Saturday morning they will return to you with a reusable bag full of fruits and vegetables. — Christian Lander

Christian Lander Quotes 200685

White people love rock climbing almost more than they love camping. This is
because the activity affords them the opportunity to be outside, to use a carabiner for something other than their keys, and to purchase a whole new set of expensive activity-specific clothing and accessories. — Christian Lander

Christian Lander Quotes 906959

It is the dream of every white person to be able to resolve all conflicts by complaining to unrelated parties. Because of this, white people are able to endure years of frustration and anger without saying a word in the hopes that everything will just work itself out without having to make a scene. — Christian Lander

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The first stage of camping always involves a trip to an outdoor equipment store like REI. These stores are well known for their abundance of white customers and their extensive inventory of things for white people to buy and only use once. — Christian Lander

Christian Lander Quotes 394181

This is because white people need to show off the books that they have read. Just as hunters will mount the heads of their kills, white people need to let people know that they have made their way through hundreds or even thousands of books. — Christian Lander

Christian Lander Quotes 396225

Right now, all white people are either wearing or coveting a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. These sunglasses are so popular now that you cannot swing a canvas bag at a farmer's market without hitting a pair. In fact, at outdoor gatherings you should count the number of Wayfarers so you can determine exactly how white the event is. If you see no Wayfarers you are either at a country music concert or you are indoors. — Christian Lander

Christian Lander Quotes 569327

When white people envision their perfect home, it always has hardwood floors. In fact, most white people would prefer a dirt floor over wall-to-wall carpeting, because to them it would have the same level of cleanliness and probably fewer germs.
White people are petrified of germs, and when they look at a carpet all they can see is everything that has ever been spilled, tracked in, or shaken loose into the carpet fibers. But more disgusting to white people is that wall-to-wall carpeting reminds them of suburban homes, motel rooms, and the horrible apartments that they have visited or lived in over the years. It has no soul. Only germs.
Hardwood floors, on the other hand, are easily cleaned and give a sense of character to a place, since they are often the original flooring in older buildings. It is a well-known white fantasy to purchase a home or apartment that has disgusting carpet and then to pull it up to reveal a beautiful hardwood floor underneath. — Christian Lander

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If you look into the footnotes of the business model for Apple Computer you'll see that they actually give the computers away for free; they just charge for the inflated sense of self-worth. — Christian Lander

Christian Lander Quotes 678824

If you are able to introduce a white person to a new cheese, it's like introducing them to a future spouse. — Christian Lander

Christian Lander Quotes 1373471

When it comes to the subject it's best to understand that
white people do not recognize public transit as a viable option until a subway line is built that runs directly from their house to their work. — Christian Lander

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For white people, nothing makes them appreciate the gift of life more than voluntarily trying to end it. — Christian Lander

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Since white people can't really blame any race for their problems, they need to blame corporations. — Christian Lander

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You don't have to be white to be white, you just have to be rich. — Christian Lander

Christian Lander Quotes 2147841

The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near water. Extreme reading! — Christian Lander

Christian Lander Quotes 2167563

White people need to let people know that they have made their way through hundreds or even thousands of books. After all, what's the point of reading a book if people don't know you've read it? It's like a tree falling in the forest. — Christian Lander

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All white people are born with a singular mission in life in order to pass from regular whitehood into ultra-whitehood. Just as Muslims have to visit Mecca, all white people must eventually renovate a house before they can be complete. — Christian Lander