Famous Quotes & Sayings

Bob Newhart Quotes & Sayings

Enjoy the top 100 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Bob Newhart.

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Famous Quotes By Bob Newhart

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When I started out in 1960, I thought it might possibly last a couple of years. I never expected it to last 42. I take great satisfaction in that longevity. — Bob Newhart

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I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person, he may never utter a funny line. — Bob Newhart

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I love portraying the totally indifferent person. — Bob Newhart

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The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. — Bob Newhart

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Humor is so important to the American scene throughout history. — Bob Newhart

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I don't have a stack of scripts. — Bob Newhart

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I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and decided I was just going to give comedy a try. — Bob Newhart

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I think there's a part, just a part of comedians, that is still childlike. — Bob Newhart

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The only thing I have never done is a Broadway play. I'm not sure I have the discipline necessary to do a Broadway play. I know it holds a fascination for certain actors. — Bob Newhart

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You should have a value system. You can win if you stick with your value system. — Bob Newhart

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The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place. — Bob Newhart

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Women are more emotional. They do get flustered. Which is not to say that men are better than they. It's simply the way it is. — Bob Newhart

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The first time I got up in front of an audience was terror, abject terror, which continued for another four or five years. There still is, a little bit. — Bob Newhart

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You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny. — Bob Newhart

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Mark Twain gave us an insight into the life on the Mississippi at the turn of the century. — Bob Newhart

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I don't think of myself as an American Master. I've just been making a living. — Bob Newhart

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When I was off TV, people would ask me to please come back, which I think was their way of saying, 'There's nothing out there for us.' — Bob Newhart

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A collison is what happens when two motorists go after the same pedestrian. — Bob Newhart

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I think there are still words you can't use in family entertainment that you can use in a sitcom today. — Bob Newhart

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The giant superstars are people whose talent is so enormous that their death wish can't destroy it. — Bob Newhart

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Humor's a weapon if you want to make it one. — Bob Newhart

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I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.' — Bob Newhart

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Don't be silly and don't waste your time. — Bob Newhart

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A lot of money is spent trying to keep people alive who don't necessarily want to be alive. — Bob Newhart

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Well, if you're a native Chicagoan, you know how dumb he [Dr. Robert Hartley] is. He gets on the Ravenswood El, he goes past his stop on Sheridan Road, he gets off in Evanston, where the El is on the ground, and then he walks back 55 blocks to his apartment. Now, would you want to have that man as a psychologist? A man who misses his stop every day? — Bob Newhart

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When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank. — Bob Newhart

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One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear. — Bob Newhart

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'The Mary Tyler Moore Show' was the best television, the best cast, the best-written television show ever. — Bob Newhart

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I'm not a classically trained actor. I'm not a product of Stavlovski method or anything like that. — Bob Newhart

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There are some actresses that can't do comedy; it's too heavy-handed. — Bob Newhart

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I always hated when the studios just kind of said that anybody can act. You look at people like Spencer Tracy, Henry Fonda - and I'm just talking about the male actors - there aren't a lot who can act. It's a very special talent, and I wish it were recognized as a very special talent. — Bob Newhart

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I couldn't play off people that I don't personally like. — Bob Newhart

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I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage. — Bob Newhart

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I've been a very lucky actor. — Bob Newhart

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I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it. — Bob Newhart

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You never know when you'll come upon something and it's going to be fodder for new material. — Bob Newhart

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No matter what hyenas sound like, they are not actually laughing. — Bob Newhart

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I always stayed away from political commentary. First of all, I didn't feel entitled. What I may feel about a candidate, I'm a comedian. I mean, if people like my comedy, that doesn't mean they should vote for the person I like. That's why I always kind of stayed away from endorsements. — Bob Newhart

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There was a sea of change in comedy in the late 1950s and '60s. We were dealing with vignettes as opposed to jokes. We were more socially aware. — Bob Newhart

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I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'. — Bob Newhart

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People are meant to be certain places, and I think I'm meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy. — Bob Newhart

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If you look at Jack Benny, George Burns, or Don Rickles, they've all had long, successful marriages. So, I think there's something about laughter and the durability of a marriage. — Bob Newhart

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I can't remember the last live-action, non-animated Christmas movie. — Bob Newhart

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I don't know how to do a show not in front of a live audience. — Bob Newhart

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When I first started out, 'Time' magazine did an article on what it called 'the sick comics,' and they were myself, Shelley Berman, Nichols & May, Jonathan Winters, Lenny Bruce, and Mort Sahl. We were considered 'sick.' — Bob Newhart

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I think the thing about it is when you grow up in Chicago there's such a thing as putting on airs, you know? And you just learn not to put on airs. Don't act like, 'Oh boy, I'm somebody.' They'll slap you down. — Bob Newhart

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I am one of the great wasters of time. I have made it an art form. I can get up at 8 o'clock in the morning, be out of the house by 8:30 and back by 5 P.M., and I'll be going all day long and accomplish absolutely nothing. It's an amazing talent. — Bob Newhart

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I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time! — Bob Newhart

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I just don't think most people put myself and Robert Frost in the same category. — Bob Newhart

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Without great writing, you've got a bunch of actors bumping into each other. — Bob Newhart

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I don't know how doctors pick one specialty over another. Some you can understand. Pediatricians. Or gynecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology? — Bob Newhart

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I never had an aversion because I was active in the drama club. If I had that aversion I certainly wouldn't put myself in the position of being on stage. Of course, in the drama club you're hiding behind a character. — Bob Newhart

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I loved 'Everybody Loves Raymond' because I like Ray and I thought it was beautifully cast, I thought it was great writing. I thought Patricia Heaton was wonderful. — Bob Newhart

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The greatest comedian I've ever seen is Jack Benny. He wasn't afraid of the silences. — Bob Newhart

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Sometimes you forget you're famous. You wonder, 'Why is that person staring at me?' — Bob Newhart

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One time I happened to use the word 'denigrate' onstage, and it didn't get any reaction. So as I continued my act, the left side of my brain was fast-forwarding to see if I had any other big words coming up. — Bob Newhart

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I don't have a show anymore. I don't have a check coming in every week. This is important to me, I got to score a million tonight or it could all be over. — Bob Newhart

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Well I was much too practical to presume to have a career in comedy. — Bob Newhart

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I feel more comfortable in comedy. — Bob Newhart

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There's gratification in making somebody laugh. It's a wonderful sound. I find myself, to this day, doing it, wanting to make people laugh. — Bob Newhart

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People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail. — Bob Newhart

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Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city, and the urban world, and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian, even though we work 180 degrees differently, but funny is funny is funny. — Bob Newhart

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Stand-up is different from television. In stand-up, you've got to be in control. — Bob Newhart

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I think that what comes through in Chicago humor is the affection. Even though you're poking fun at someone or something, there's still an affection for it. — Bob Newhart

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Comedians are innately programmed to pick up oddities like mispronounced words, upside-down books on a shelf, and generally undetectable mistakes in everyday life. — Bob Newhart

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Don't ever have two dogs. That way you won't know which one to blame. — Bob Newhart

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Doormen are kind of invisible, people don't know their names. They just say, Thank you, or Good morning. I'd never thought about doormen before. They're a vanishing breed. More electronic doors are being introduced. — Bob Newhart

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The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour. — Bob Newhart

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People have told me, 'My dad passed on, but I have great memories of watching your shows with him.' It doesn't get any better than that. — Bob Newhart

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For some reason, comedians are still children. The social skills somehow never reach us, so we say exactly what we think without weighing the results. — Bob Newhart

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I'm very open to the up-and-comers. — Bob Newhart

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I gave up accounting. I went in for about six months writing ad copy. I was fired from that, and then another guy and I did a kind of poor man's Bob and Ray kind of syndicated radio show. Then I decided to stick it out and see what happened. I'd give it a year, a year became two years, and then two years became three years, and then along came the record album. — Bob Newhart

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I don't want to sound like the old guy, but cynicism is a potential danger. It colors our way of looking at the world. — Bob Newhart

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This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now. — Bob Newhart

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You do a clean show and it's over and the audience have enjoyed themselves and you've enjoyed yourself, and you haven't had to resort to shock. — Bob Newhart

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Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr. Hutchinson, I believe at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, 'You really aren't cut out for accounting.' — Bob Newhart

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Cell phones have gotten so small, you can't tell who's a cell phone user and who's a schizophrenic. — Bob Newhart

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The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills. — Bob Newhart

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Funny is funny is funny. — Bob Newhart

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One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people. — Bob Newhart

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I've had time off, and it drove me nuts. I was crawling up the wall. — Bob Newhart

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I think everyone probably starts out sounding like someone else, but gradually you develop your own sound. — Bob Newhart

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What you see on stage is pretty much the way I am ... a dry sense of humor. — Bob Newhart

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I was an accountant in Chicago, and a friend of mine, Ed Gallagher, was in advertising. At 4:30 every day I'd be bored, and I would call him. He'd interview me. — Bob Newhart

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I think there's a little confusion between humor and 'gross' passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable, because they aren't the same thing. — Bob Newhart

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More and more, as I get older, people come up to me and say, 'Thank you for all the laughter.' And my standard answer is, 'It was my pleasure.' But that's the truth. — Bob Newhart

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With the stand-up comic on TV, whether it's Seinfeld or Cosby or Roseanne, more important than their knowledge of how to tell a joke is their knowledge of themselves, or the persona they've created as themselves. So that when you're in a room with writers, you can say, 'Guys, that's a funny line, but I wouldn't say it.' — Bob Newhart

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Dick Martin, if you put a gun to his forehead, he couldn't tell you a joke. — Bob Newhart

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I didn't know I was cool, but I was very flattered that some of the younger comedy writers came up to talk to me at the Emmys. I found that gratifying. — Bob Newhart

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Every new routine I have ever written and performed probably occurred extemporaneously. Then after you have fleshed it out and tried it out in front of a number of audiences and it works, you put it down on paper. — Bob Newhart

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I know Chuck Lorre personally, and am familiar with his work going back to 'Roseanne' and 'Cybil.' — Bob Newhart

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I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but I don't think you can teach timing. It's something you hear in your head. — Bob Newhart

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In today's world, you would call my father mostly unaccessible. I'm not sure that isn't true of most fathers at that time. He went through the Depression. I don't know what that would have done to my psyche. — Bob Newhart

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Stammering is different than stuttering. Stutterers have trouble with the letters, while stammerers trip over entire parts of a sentence. We stammerers generally think of ourselves as very bright. — Bob Newhart

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I would say I came from upper middle class family. — Bob Newhart

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There's a lot of cynicism. Let's really enjoy Christmas, with all that's going on in the world. — Bob Newhart

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I don't watch that much television. — Bob Newhart

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I wasn't the class clown. I wasn't that obvious. There would be a circle of guys, and they're watching the class clown. And I'm standing in the back, and I turn to the guy next to me and I say something funny to him, and he starts to laugh. And the guy next to him says, 'What did he say?' — Bob Newhart

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I found the most difficult thing when you became successful - when I had the record album, it won Album of the Year - that you were cut off from the source of your material. Your material was everyday people, and you were kind of cut off from that, and you had to work at it. — Bob Newhart

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Because of the spin-meisters and the focus groups and the way politics is run now. It's run by polls and focus groups. So it's even more true today, I think, than it was some 40 years ago. — Bob Newhart