Bob Monkhouse Quotes & Sayings
Enjoy the top 36 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Bob Monkhouse.
Famous Quotes By Bob Monkhouse
I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers. — Bob Monkhouse
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret. — Bob Monkhouse
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals. — Bob Monkhouse
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days. — Bob Monkhouse
I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. — Bob Monkhouse
I got my start in silent radio. — Bob Monkhouse
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted. — Bob Monkhouse
I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative. — Bob Monkhouse
They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. — Bob Monkhouse
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? — Bob Monkhouse
You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!" — Bob Monkhouse
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away. — Bob Monkhouse
I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now — Bob Monkhouse
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to? — Bob Monkhouse
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance. — Bob Monkhouse
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'. — Bob Monkhouse
I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas. — Bob Monkhouse
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex ... Yes, three times in 35 years. — Bob Monkhouse
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap. — Bob Monkhouse
I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate. — Bob Monkhouse
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time. — Bob Monkhouse
I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard. — Bob Monkhouse
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note! — Bob Monkhouse
My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle. — Bob Monkhouse
My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.' — Bob Monkhouse
What do gardeners do when they retire? — Bob Monkhouse
I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner! — Bob Monkhouse
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh. — Bob Monkhouse