Famous Quotes & Sayings

Bob Monkhouse Quotes & Sayings

Enjoy the top 36 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Bob Monkhouse.

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Google+ Pinterest Share on Linkedin

Famous Quotes By Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 301868

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too! — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1201598

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 467874

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1973734

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1766068

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents? — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 2139840

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 362328

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1693877

I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 517282

I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1143760

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 136808

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 464965

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 559939

I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner! — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 600273

What do gardeners do when they retire? — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 628701

My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.' — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 629218

My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 746879

Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note! — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 758599

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 801644

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1010350

I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1063173

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1073617

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex ... Yes, three times in 35 years. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1381384

I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1487976

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1489029

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1535114

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to? — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1543677

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1612389

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1738502

I got my start in silent radio. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1742794

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1878693

I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1904207

They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 1969206

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 2005578

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!" — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 2036870

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes 2141070

Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days. — Bob Monkhouse