Barry Webster Quotes & Sayings

Der, die, das, dem, den, des. German's six ways of saying 'the', like six sexual positions you never knew existed. Hey, I just sprung a boner. — Barry Webster

I am not the wicked stepmother in this fairy's tale. — Barry Webster

Bodies like this give sexual desire its meaning! It's for this that penises rise like drawbridges and vaginas become engorged with blood! It's for this that people throw snot-nosed kids into ravines, cross raging rivers, or ice-pick up the wrong side of frozen waterfalls! It's for this that politicians undo their flies in election season, porn magazines with their pages stuck together are found stacked in church basements, people chop off body parts and mail them to ex-lovers, risk hair on palms, stolen wallets, planes flying into buildings, and lice that hop like chess figurines on a board whose players are ever changing. — Barry Webster

Wind is what happens when air falls in love with itself. — Barry Webster

The wonderful illogicalness of life stares him in the face like God. — Barry Webster

Rocks are more co-operative than people. — Barry Webster

But I feel vanity is a part of art and the non-vain are really non-artistic. — Barry Webster

There should be a connection between a man's hairstyle and what matters to him in life. — Barry Webster

Again Sam's genitals became rock, and this astonished him as much as anything. Through Franz, he was becoming the stone Earth; the final border separating him from the planet was disappearing. And this transformation to rock was fuelled by desire, the most ephemeral thing on Earth. — Barry Webster

Lo, each subculture has its own language, and verily I am not a parody. You don't believe me? Get with the program, crackpot! — Barry Webster

In our lifetimes, we can only know a small portion of what exists. The world is endless and its treasures are inexhaustible. — Barry Webster

You don't know your ass from a hole in the ground, you know that? — Barry Webster

Although you can not hear my thoughts, Sam, I imagine I'm talking to you. Prayers to the brother who abandoned me. The day after you left Labrador, my honey started flowing. Is my body weeping for your loss? — Barry Webster

As a man I'd been a cool customer. As a woman I was a hot tamale. — Barry Webster

I surrender to the Monster. What pleasure at last to give way to the strongest force in oneself. — Barry Webster

If this were a fairy tale, that meant the dragon had been slain. Or hadn't arrived yet. — Barry Webster

In the evenings, Sam performs exercises to prepare his body for love-making with Franz. He practices kissing (something he'd once hated) by smooching deer lips, antelope ears, frog anuses, and the great, whiskered muzzles of sleeping bison. He improves his petting skills by necking with juniper bushes and pine tree trunks with such passion that the bark snaps and sap runs, or with such tenderness that the whole forest goes silent and swallows nest in his hair. — Barry Webster

The fairy tale about the people who freely detach and re-attach appendages still inspires Sam. He remembers the character who interchanged his earlobes and testicles so he could acutely hear his ejaculations and enjoy a tightening at the side of his head whenever the weather got cold. — Barry Webster

Sarcasm is the language of people whose emotions are dying. — Barry Webster

The ridiculous is closer to life's source than the sensible. — Barry Webster

But once you describe something, you destroy it. — Barry Webster

This man of his, yes, this man. Now Sam accepts his own desire. "I'm a gayrod," he shouts marching through crowded plazas. "I'm in love with a man, and I want men. That's what I want. I want man, man, man! — Barry Webster

The breach between the mind and body can't be healed by more knowledge."
"Then we'll go shopping. It's the only way to solve a crisis. — Barry Webster

I shall listen to my heart and it shall save me. I shall listen to my heart and I'll be free. — Barry Webster