B. Justin Shier Quotes & Sayings

There were many ways to extract information if you have more time? but if you were in a rush, they recommended flaying, crushing digits, or electrocuting the genitalia.(Say what you will about the Russians, they certainly didn't beat around the bush.) — B. Justin Shier

Internal bleeding?"
"Indeed," she said, gesturing to a bag of light red fluid. "You pee blood as we speak."
I felt down to my nether regions and blushed. There was a tube in my wee-wee. Rei smiled gleefully. — B. Justin Shier

To pass the time, I made valiant strides in my effort to read Ulysses, but feared I was losing the war. A hundred pages in, I was getting the sneaking suspicion that James Joyce might have been an asshole, and by Nebraska I was in a foul mood. — B. Justin Shier

Son, a real battlefield lacks dignity and honor. When lives are being spent - actual human lives - those high-minded concepts lose their meaning. All that matters is victory. If you have blades, you'll use blades. If you have rocks, you'll use rocks. If there's nothing but sand, you'll throw the damn sand. A true war is only waged when men don't want to live to see what failure looks like. You do what it takes to win. You go wherever necessity takes you. — B. Justin Shier

I am aware that humans believe they are the sole owners of this curse, but all creatures love, Dieter. Love is our one shared madness, our one shared burden. All creatures are driven against sense by it, and even the lowest ant will die madly for her queen. — B. Justin Shier

Stumbling out of the debris cloud, I ran smack into Jules.
"What the hell did ya do?" she asked in exasperation. "I mean, I only left ya alone for thirty minutes and
"
"Not me, Boss!" I gasped,
coughing up some drywall.
"Monique. Rei. Schoolhouse-rumble."
"Oi," Jules said, face-palming.
"For the love of the spirit, what for?"
I dusted myself off. "Street cred, yo. Street cred. — B. Justin Shier

Rei glanced over at me and nodded. "Exactly, Dieter. Just avoid having the cattle and keep walking." I cleared my throat. "A cow. It's 'don't have a cow.'" Rei frowned. "I fail to see why it must be a female. — B. Justin Shier

I spilled my cup of coffee straight onto my crotch. Superior heat retention has its drawbacks. I grimaced as the scalding liquid reached ground zero, but as I did my best to angle my jeans away from the Resnick family's last hope, my seatmate decided to dispose of her hoodie.
I juggled two pressing needs:
1) Protect the nethers.
2) Leer — B. Justin Shier

Her hair was bright red, her skin, pale, and I can't explain why, but something about her shouted, 'I heart granola.' She belonged in one of those commercials for asthma medicines. The one with two women skipping through the park as the voiceover says, With my uncontrollable gasping under control, I'm free as a bird! — B. Justin Shier

In the past five minutes, I had managed to tease my libido, scald my crotch, and catch a world-class elbow with my forehead. — B. Justin Shier

I fought the mighty urge to watch her put it on. My libido had just burst out of the closet and was tripping over furniture yelling, "Who? What? Where?" (Please excuse him. He doesn't get out much) — B. Justin Shier

And then Dieter was like, 'Over my dead body!'
"And I was thinking my roomie was about to get his wish.
"And then Rei got super vampy and was like, 'Yield to my power!'
"And then Dieter started grunting and looked super uncomfortable.
"And then Rei took a step forward.
"And then Dieter dropped to his knees, but a moment later he started going 'Reee!'
"And I was like, 'Oh, for the love of God, please don't kill me.'
"And then Rei walked over and elbowed him in the head ...
"That's about it. Oh, and there were grenades. — B. Justin Shier

I snipped off the stem and took a knee.
"For you, my love. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet as your feet."
Jules smacked me on the back of the head. — B. Justin Shier

My Japanese designed, vacuum-sealed thermos was one of my most prized possessions. I had filled it up before I went to sleep so there were no worries. This baby laughed in the face of entropy. — B. Justin Shier

Let me take a moment to point out the glaringly obvious. Humans are idiots. — B. Justin Shier