Adam Ferrara Quotes & Sayings

I remember for my 18th birthday, I was going to get a tattoo, and I made the mistake of thinking I was a man and telling my father, and he was like, 'Oh yeah? You better tattoo a new address on your arm, because you're not living here!' And that was the end of that discussion. — Adam Ferrara

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.' — Adam Ferrara

I had done another show called 'United States of Cars,' which was a pilot that didn't get picked up. And they said, 'You know, we're doing 'Top Gear,' and would you like to meet the guys?' It was the wild - most wild audition I ever had because I never went to a studio or a producer's office. — Adam Ferrara

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it
if I was hungry, I would talk about food. — Adam Ferrara

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.' — Adam Ferrara

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water. — Adam Ferrara

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours. — Adam Ferrara

I took a Ferrari under the 405 freeway. We took rent-a-cars through the desert. That was fun. — Adam Ferrara

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me. — Adam Ferrara

When I meet people after stand-up shows, they'll bring their cars. — Adam Ferrara

At 140, 150, that's when the car starts floating. At 160, that's when you start seeing dead relatives. At 180, it's, like, terrifying and exciting. — Adam Ferrara

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.' — Adam Ferrara

Any time you can get a muscle car back, it's a good thing. — Adam Ferrara

My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car. — Adam Ferrara

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.' — Adam Ferrara

Anytime I get to help the firefighters, I will. I'm real lucky to be in a position to help. — Adam Ferrara

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.' — Adam Ferrara

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.' — Adam Ferrara

I would recommend to someone that has the money to experience the experience of giving to another and purchasing me a Veyron. A Bugatti Veyron. That will really make you want to give to your fellow man. — Adam Ferrara

When I walked in to read with Edie Falco, it was nice, because I auditioned in New York, and it was very quick. You walk in, there's Edie, the producers, the director, and a camera. I read three scenes, and it was done. — Adam Ferrara

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell - I'll never know why! — Adam Ferrara

I want a '57 Starfire Olds. — Adam Ferrara

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.' — Adam Ferrara

I don't have a car in Manhattan because you have to choose between a car and an apartment. It's that expensive. — Adam Ferrara

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not. — Adam Ferrara

Terrorists convince thousands of people to kill themselves in the name of God. I can't convince two of my friends to help me move. — Adam Ferrara

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs. — Adam Ferrara

I drove a brand new Lamborghini, the Huracan; it was great. We went on the Autobahn, and we got to drive on the Nurburgring. — Adam Ferrara

I do stupid stuff like that: I'll call my wife from the road, send her pictures of glaciers. — Adam Ferrara

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick. — Adam Ferrara

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul ... ' — Adam Ferrara

I've been told I have an aggressive driving style. — Adam Ferrara

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization. — Adam Ferrara

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart. — Adam Ferrara

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil. — Adam Ferrara

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends. — Adam Ferrara

I said I wanted to strap guns on an El Camino. When I brought it up at a meeting, they said great. I realized there's no adult in the room. — Adam Ferrara

If you're in California, and it's raining, stay home because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified. — Adam Ferrara

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking ... ,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something. — Adam Ferrara

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.' — Adam Ferrara

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.' — Adam Ferrara

I'm surprised how hot it gets in the Moab Desert. I knew it got hot, but I didn't think it got, like, Mercury-hot. — Adam Ferrara

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift. — Adam Ferrara

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink. — Adam Ferrara

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't. — Adam Ferrara

It fits my ADD, so that's good. Because I really can't focus on anything for too long. And 'Top Gear's really the easiest thing to do because I'm with my pals. It's like coming home with my friends. We're having so much fun making the show. — Adam Ferrara

I think we all carry the seeds of our own destruction. You really have to be aware that just because something is good, it doesn't mean it's not going to trigger a self-destructive impulse. — Adam Ferrara

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice. — Adam Ferrara

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities. — Adam Ferrara

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.' — Adam Ferrara

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.' — Adam Ferrara

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you. — Adam Ferrara

In California, the lines on the road are just a suggestion. They're in the left lane with the left indicator on, so naturally it's time to turn right! Are you kidding me? In your Prius? I know, you're saving the Earth by trying to kill the people! — Adam Ferrara