A. J. Jacobs Quotes & Sayings

The MRI has a repertoire of noises that resemble, in no particular order: a game-show buzzer for a wrong answer, urgent knocking, a modem from 1992, a grizzly-bear growl, and a man with a raspy voice shouting what sounds like "mother cooler! — A. J. Jacobs

I prefer the earlier birth control techniques, which ranged from the delicious (using honey as a spermicide) to the aerobic (jumping backward seven times after coitus). — A. J. Jacobs

So, if weight loss is your goal, and you have impressive self-control, raw food is something to consider. — A. J. Jacobs

Ezekiel and his fellow prophets have become my heroes. They were fearless. They literalized metaphors. They turned their lives into protest pieces. They proved that, in the name of truth, sometimes you can't be afraid to take a left turn from polite society and look absurd. — A. J. Jacobs

There's almost always a church youth group at the soup kitchen. I have yet to see an atheists' youth group. Yeah, I know, religious people don't have a monopoly on doing good. I'm sure that there are many agnostics and atheists out there slinging mashed potatoes at other soup kitchens. I know the world is full of selfless secular gropus like Doctors without Borders. But I've got to say: It's a lot easier to do good if you put your faith in a book that requires you to do good. — A. J. Jacobs

I thought religion would eventually wither away and we'd all be worshiping at the altar of science. — A. J. Jacobs

Your next action could change the world, so make it a good one. — A. J. Jacobs

Etruscans sometimes wrote boustrophedon style, in which the direction of writing alternates with each line - right-to-left, then left-to-right. Brilliant! The eye doesn't waste time trekking back to the left side of the page after every line. — A. J. Jacobs

Think of negative speech as verbal pollution. And that's what I've been doing: visualizing insults and gossip as a dark cloud, maybe one with some sulfur dioxide. Once you've belched it out, you can't take it back. As grandma said, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. The interesting this is, the less often I vocalize my negative thoughts, the fewer negative thoughts I cook up in the first place. — A. J. Jacobs

I'm all for cafeteria religion. I think there's nothing wrong with cafeterias - I've had some great meals at cafeterias. I've also had some horrible meals, so it's important to pick the right things. Take a heaping helping of compassion and mercy, and leave the intolerance on the table. — A. J. Jacobs

I like uncovering the cultural prejudices I didn't even know. — A. J. Jacobs

The Bible's "it's better to give than receive" was not the raving of a lunatic. It goes back to a recurring theme that I've found in almost all my experiments: behaviour shapes your thoughts. My brain sees me giving a gift to Julie. My brain concludes I must really love her. I love her all the more. Which means I'm happier in my relationship, if a bit poorer. — A. J. Jacobs

Did you hear about the middle Eastern potentate?" he asked me. "This potentate called a meeting of the wise men in the kingdom, and said, "I want you to gather all the world's knowledge together in one place so that my sons can read it and learn."The wise men went off, and after year, they came back with twenty-five volumes of knowledge. This potentate looked at it and he said, "No. It's too long. Make it shorter." So the wise men went off for another year. When they came back, they gave the potentate a piece of paper with one sentence on it. A single sentence. You know what the sentence was?"
Bob looked at me. I shook my head.
"The sentence was: "This too shall pass."
Bob paused, let it sink in: "I heard that when I was very young and it has always stuck with me. — A. J. Jacobs

I'm not a big scatology fan, unlike my sons, who can amuse themselves for an entire afternoon by repeating the phrase 'crocodile fart.' So I'll spare you from an overabundance of detail in this chapter. This chapter will be somewhat soft focus, like the TV camera in a Barbra Streisand interview. — A. J. Jacobs

I find placebos uplifting and exhilarating. It means that taking action
no matter what the action is
might help you feel better. — A. J. Jacobs

I'm hungry enough that I started to salivate at the sight of lettuce. I repeat: lettuce. — A. J. Jacobs

Like God and Duane Reade drugstores, toxins are everywhere. — A. J. Jacobs

I believe that's a key motivation to creationism: the need to feel less inconsequential. — A. J. Jacobs

I have to say, passive aggression gets a bad rap these days. It may not be appropriate in all occasions, but it's a lot better than aggressive aggression. — A. J. Jacobs

I thought religion would make me live with my head in the clouds, but as often as not, it grounds me in this world. — A. J. Jacobs

My growing collection of facts keeps overlapping with my life. — A. J. Jacobs

If the Britannica has taught me anything, it's to be more careful. I don't want to turn into an unseemly noun or verb or adjective someday. I don't want to be like Charles Boycott, the landlord in Ireland who refused to lower rents during a famine, leading to the original boycott. I don't want to be like Charles Lynch, who headed an irregular court that hung loyalists during the Revolutionary War. I can't have "Jacobs" be a verb that means staying home all the time or washing your hands too frequently. — A. J. Jacobs

I pledged to become the world's greatest expert in a field I knew nothing about. — A. J. Jacobs

How do you gag the voice in your head that says, 'You don't have to go to the gym today. There's always tomorrow. C'mon, my friend, it's just one plate of curly fries. Yes, just for you!' (My inner voice reminds me of a particularly aggressive rug salesman at a Turkish bazaar.) — A. J. Jacobs

I've started to look at life differently. When you're thanking God for every little you - every meal, every time you wake up, every time you take a sip of water - you can't help but be more thankful for life itself, for the unlikely and miraculous fact that you exist at all. — A. J. Jacobs

Back pain is the single most common reason people visit the doctor. — A. J. Jacobs

Back to the books. The world's largest bell was built in 1733 in Moscow, and weighed in at more than four hundred thousand pounds. It never rang - it was broken by fire before it could be struck. What a sad little story. All that work, all that planning, all those expectations - then nothing. Now it just sits there in Russia, a big metallic symbol of failure. I have a moment of silence for the silent bell. — A. J. Jacobs

More people die on a per mile basis from drunk walking than from drunk driving. — A. J. Jacobs

Her passion is hard to forget. I still remember one dinner at my grandfather's house. The whole extended family was there, and Marti, at the time, refused to eat at the same table where flesh was being served. Half the family was fine with that. But the other half wanted chicken. The solution? We had to set up two separate tables in the dining room
a meat table and a nonmeat table. My diplomatic grandparents didn't want to take sides, so they sat at a third table in the middle, a dietary DMZ/ — A. J. Jacobs

Let me tell you, though: being the smartest boy in the world wasn't easy. I didn't ask for this. I didn't want this. On the contrary, it was a huge burden. First, there was the task of keeping my brain perfectly protected. My cerebral cortex was a national treasure, a masterpiece of the Sistine Chapel of brains. This was not something that could be treated frivolously. If I could have locked it in a safe, I would have. Instead, I became obsessed with brain damage. — A. J. Jacobs

My immune system has always been overly welcoming of germs. It's far too polite, the biological equivalent of a southern hostess inviting y'all nice microbes to stay awhile and have some artichoke dip. — A. J. Jacobs

Incidentally, I spent some time on the Purell website, where you can find a list of ninety-nine places germs lurk (in-flight magazines, movie tickets, gas-pump keypads, hotel room a/c controls, and on and on). It's hilarious and terrifying. The only place they don't mention is the Purell dispensers themselves. You know they're coated with germs. It's one of health's cruelest catch-22s. — A. J. Jacobs

I know the name of Turkey's leading avant-guard publication. I know that John Quincy Adams married for money. I know that Bud Abbott was a double-crosser, that absentee ballots are very popular in Ireland, and that dwarves have prominent buttocks. — A. J. Jacobs

Year hasn't been observed since the time of the Temple (The Second Jewish Book of Why, p. 262). The Sabbath year is still observed in some form, but only in Israel (ibid., p. 320). DAY 44 I first learned about the "domino" phrase in the book Serving the Word: Literalism in America from the Pulpit to the Bench, a very interesting look at fundamentalism. The history of literalism is actually — A. J. Jacobs

For most of my life, I've been working under the paradigm that my behavior should, ideally, have a logical basis. But if you live biblically, this is not true. I have to adjust my brain to this. You — A. J. Jacobs

When I was with the serpent-handlers in Tennessee, it was the most bizarre method of worship I could think of. Yet when you sit with these people, you can kind of see how it makes sense. — A. J. Jacobs

The outer affects the inner. — A. J. Jacobs

The Bible talks a lot about thankfulness, and I'm more thankful than I ever was. I try to concentrate on the hundreds of things that go right in a day, instead of the three or four that go wrong. — A. J. Jacobs

I'm addicted to self-improvement. The thing is, there's so damn much about myself to improve. — A. J. Jacobs

The year showed me beyond a doubt that everyone practices cafeteria religion ... But the important lesson was this: there's nothing wrong with choosing. Cafeterias aren't bad per se ... the key is in choosing the right dishes. You need to pick the nurturing ones (compassion), the healthy ones (love thy neighbor), not the bitter ones. — A. J. Jacobs

What seems terrible at first may turn out to be a great thing. You can't predict. — A. J. Jacobs

Reading Encyclopaedia Britannica is like channel surfing on a very highbrow cable system. — A. J. Jacobs

I had been avoiding the D-word. But the kids cut right to it. My boys are well aware of death. My twins finish every story they make up with the same phrase: "Then everyone died. The end. — A. J. Jacobs

Studies show that even regular gym-going can't fully undo the harm of sitting. So my plan is to tear down the wall between exercise and life. I've started doing what I call guerrilla exercise - or what my friend calls contextual exercise. I squeeze physical activity into every nook in my day. — A. J. Jacobs

It's joyous," he says. "If I save someone from breaking a commandment, it gives me a little high." He pumps his fist. "I never took drugs, but I imagine this is what it feels like. — A. J. Jacobs

I know that you should always say yes to adventures or you'll lead a very dull life. — A. J. Jacobs

If ever I was going to listen to a string of swearwords sitting next to a ninety-four-year-old, I'm glad that ninety-four-year-old was my grandfather. Not that he swears a lot. It's just that he can take it. And, he is currently laughing so hard that his eyes are watery. — A. J. Jacobs

Cigarettes' cost far outweigh any resulting trimness, just as asphyxiation outweighs the benefits of stretching out the spine when you hang yourself from a shower curtain rod. — A. J. Jacobs

You cannot stop religion from evolving. — A. J. Jacobs

Calling it an experiment gives you permission to fail. — A. J. Jacobs

My obsession with gratefulness. I can't stop. Just now, I press the elevator button and am thankful that it arrives quickly. I get onto the elevator and am thankful that the elevator cable didn't snap and plummet me to the basement. I go to the fifth floor and am thankful that I didn't have to stop on the second or third or fourth floor. I get out and am thankful that Julie left the door unlocked so I don't have to rummage for my King Kong key ring. I walk in, and am thnkful that Jasper is home and healthy and stuffing his face with pineapple wedges. And on and on. I'm actually muttering to myself, 'Thank you ... thank you ... thank you.' It's an odd way to live. But also kind of great and powerful. I've never before been so aware of the thousands of little good things, the thousands of things that go right every day. — A. J. Jacobs

Greenberg tells me, "Never blame a text from the Bible for your behavior. It's irresponsible. Anybody who says X, Y, and Z is in the Bible - it's as if one says, 'I have no role in evaluating this.'" The — A. J. Jacobs

will try to find the original intent of the biblical rule or teaching and follow that to the letter. — A. J. Jacobs

Maybe taming my tongue will be good for me in the end. But it's pretty hard when you've got a world filled with idiots from Drunkopolis. — A. J. Jacobs

The key is to pump up your righteous anger and mute your petty resentment. I'll be happy if I can get that balance to fifty-fifty. — A. J. Jacobs

I always thought the name of Utah's major newspaper was some sort of weird misspelling of the word "desert." But no, Deseret is the "land of the honeybee," according to the Book of Mormon. I guess I should have figured they would have caught a typo in the masthead after 154 years. — A. J. Jacobs

Why should we always try to be true to our natural selves? What if our natural selves are assholes? Stalin was true to himself — A. J. Jacobs

It's sort of my job to feel good. — A. J. Jacobs

As grandma said, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all — A. J. Jacobs

Philosophy
I studied philosophy for four years. But I'd trade everything I learned for this passage ... quoted in the Britannica:
'But we were born of risen apes, not fallen angels, and the apes were armed killers besides. And so what shall we wonder at? Our murders and massacres and missiles, and our irreconcilable regiments? Or our treaties whatever they may be worth; our symphonies however seldom they may be played; our peaceful acres, however frequently they may be converted into battlefields; our dreams however rarely they may be accomplished. The miracle of man is not how far he has sunk but how magnificently he has risen. We are known among the stars by our poems, not our corpses.'
Amen. — A. J. Jacobs

Journalism is an enemy of rationality. What makes news? The unusual and the spectacular, which by their nature distort reality and pervert our decisions. You read headlines like 15 KILLED IN PLANE CRASH IN WYOMING. You don't read headlines like ANOTHER 2,000 DIED OF HEART DISEASE YESTERDAY. This leads to the Availability Fallacy. Our lazy mind gloms on to the most vivid, emotional examples. When we think of danger, we think of hideous plane crashes or acts of terrorism, even though boring old cars kill eighty-four times more people. — A. J. Jacobs

I've taped a list to my bathroom mirror. It's my Most Violated List ... Anger. I gave the finger to an ATM. You see, the ATM charged me a $1.75 fee for withdrawl. A dollar seventy-five? That's bananas. So I flipped off the screen. As Julie tells me, when you start making rude gestures to inanimate objects, it's time to work on your anger issues. Mine is not the shouting, pulsing-vein-in-the forehead rage. Like my dad, I rarely raise my voice. My anger problem is more one of long-lasting resentment. It's a heap of real or perceived slights that eventually build up into a mountain of bitterness ... get some perspective ... I ask myself the question God asked Jonah. 'Do you do well to be angry?' ... The world will not end ... Mute your petty resentment. — A. J. Jacobs

There's a very passionate pro-chewing movement on the Internet called Chewdiasm. They say that we should be chewing 50 to 100 times per mouthful, which is insane. I tried that. It takes like a day and a half to eat a sandwich. But their basic idea is right. If you chew, you'll eat slower and you will get more nutrients. — A. J. Jacobs

You tell them you have a hunger and a thirst. You don't sit at the same table but you have a hunger and a thirst. — A. J. Jacobs

I got a sense of the amazingness of ordinary life, and I became aware of the marvel that we're around to begin with. I visited a lot of extreme communities, like the Amish, Hasidic Jews, and serpent-handlers. And I was proud, because I think I'm the first person to ever out-Bible-talk a Jehovah's Witness. After four hours, he said, "Okay, I have to go." — A. J. Jacobs

Eating fruits and vegetables is vaguely logical. Get sleep. Don't live in the most polluted parts of the world. Don't smoke. Don't do unsafe things like skiing and hang gliding, which are inconceivably more dangerous than eating 'unhealthy' foods. Exercise is pretty likely good for you. Don't drink too much alcohol - one or two drinks a day. And that's about it. — A. J. Jacobs

The key to making healthy decisions is to respect your future self. Honor him or her. Treat him or her like you would treat a friend or a loved one. — A. J. Jacobs

The author jokes that the culture at his first job at Entertainment Weekly chased away the worthwhile aspects of his Brown education, but in so doing he makes a subtle point about the profound impact of the culture with which we surround ourselves and how easily we can be defined and constrained by our jobs. — A. J. Jacobs

I love it when the Bible gives Emily Post-like tips that are both wise and easy to follow. — A. J. Jacobs

I'm not sure how to react to this information. Mostly, I'm thinking that if the revolution comes, this fact alone will make it hard to fault the insurrection. "Well, I don't approve of mass executions of the ruling class," we'll have to admit. "But on the other hand, there's that trend of plastic surgery to upgrade our farts. We really were asking for it. — A. J. Jacobs

The whole bible is the working out of the relationship between God and man. God is not a dictator barking out orders and demanding silent obedience. Were it so, there would be no relationship at all. No real relationship goes just one way. There are always two active parties. We must have reverence and awe for God, and honor for the chain of tradition. But that doesn't mean we can't use new information to help us read the holy texts in new ways. — A. J. Jacobs

I'm still agnostic. But in the words of Elton Richards, I'm now a reverant agnostic. Which isn't an oxymoron, I swear. I now believe that whether or not there's a God, there is such a thing as sacredness. Life is sacred. The Sabbath can be a sacred day. Prayer can be a sacred ritual. There is something transcendent, beyond the everyday. It's possible that humans created this sacredness ourselves, but that doesn't take away from its power or importance. — A. J. Jacobs

The Bible is so strange, so utterly bizarre, no human brain could have come up with it. — A. J. Jacobs

After decimating several vegetables, I decide juicing is my favorite form of food preparation. There's something perversely appealing about subjecting an innocent plant to that much violence. — A. J. Jacobs

Patternicity is the idea that humans are really talented at finding nonexistent patterns in random noise. — A. J. Jacobs

Hand and wrist aches are more common than ever ... Wikipedia lists ... my favorite, Raver's Thumb, which you can get from repeatedly waving a glow stick in the air (see, kids, ecstasy really is bad for you). — A. J. Jacobs

It's a different way of looking at the world. Your life isn't about rights. It's about responsibilities.
Mr Bill Berkowitz — A. J. Jacobs

Behavior shapes emotions. — A. J. Jacobs

It's amazing how a strip of sticky plastic will make my kids' pain vanish. Lucas will be howling about a stepped-on finger, but as soon as the SpongeBob Band-Aid touches his pinkie, he's all smiles. My sons are so convinced of the magical healing powers of Band-Aids, they think they can solve almost any problem. A couple of years ago, when out Sony TV blew a fuse, Jasper stuck a Band-Aid on the screen hoping to revive it. — A. J. Jacobs

Unconditional love is an illogical notion, but such a great and powerful one. — A. J. Jacobs

I'm pissed at myself. I just spent forty-five minutes Googling my ex-girlfriends and ex-crushes. That's just information I don't need ... This is an unhealthy addiction ... a waste of my time and brain space. — A. J. Jacobs

My reading list grows exponentially. Every time I read a book, it'll mention three other books I feel I have to read. It's like a particularly relentless series of pop-up ads. — A. J. Jacobs

Jealousy is a useless, time-wasting emotion that's eating me alive. — A. J. Jacobs

I can't help but notice that you keep writing love poetry to my wife. Well, you see, I married her, which makes her my wife. You know what you might want to try? Writing some poems about the sunset. The sunset isn't fucking married. — A. J. Jacobs

How much fiber should I be getting? A huge amount. The Institute of Medicine says thirty grams a day. Which is a challenge. An apple - one of the most high-fiber foods - has only three grams of fiber. — A. J. Jacobs

Sometimes miracles occur only when you jump in. — A. J. Jacobs

A 2002 Oxford study showed counting sheep actually delays the onset of sleep. It's just too dull to stop us from worrying about jobs and spouses — A. J. Jacobs

Pain is annoying and unnecessary, like getting an e-mail in all caps. It's like a six-year-old who alerts you every fifteen seconds that he wants Hungry Hungry Hippos for his birthday. Yes, I understand. Message received. — A. J. Jacobs

G-rated language is making me a less angry person. Behavior shapes emotion. — A. J. Jacobs

Which just goes to prove. Not everybody can be Herman Cappachino. Whatever that means. — A. J. Jacobs

Studies show that the more you pay attention to your body's statistics, the greater the chance you'll adopt a healthy lifestyle. This idea underpins the Quantified Self movement, in which adherents track everything from caloric output to selenium levels. The mere act of weighing yourself daily makes it more likely you'll shed pounds, according to a University of Minnesota study. Keeping a food journal makes you eat fewer fatty foods, according to another study. And pedometers make you walk more. — A. J. Jacobs

One of my biggest challenges is figuring out how to shoehorn my newfound knowledge into conversations. — A. J. Jacobs

The best we can do, to paraphrase Pollan, is to eat whole foods, mostly plants, and not too much. — A. J. Jacobs

First impressions are like South American dictators: overly powerful and unreliable. — A. J. Jacobs

I am officially Jewish, but I'm Jewish in the same way the Olive Garden is an Italian restaurant. — A. J. Jacobs

There's a lot of food restriction in the Bible, but it does say you're allowed to eat crickets, grasshoppers, and locusts. I decided to take advantage of that and eat a cricket. It was chocolate-covered, and I'm not sure that's the way they were served in Moses' time. But this was a rule that seemed crazy on the outside, then actually turned out to be pragmatic and compassionate. — A. J. Jacobs

I tried the paleo diet, which is the caveman diet - lots of meat. And I tried the calorie restriction diet: The idea is that if you eat very, very little - if you're on the verge of starvation, you will live a very long time, whether or not you want to, of course. — A. J. Jacobs

The dehydrator blows warm air on your food for hours, sometimes days. It reminds me of the temperature and intensity of dog's breath. So imagine a German shepherd exhaling on your fruit for a weekend. — A. J. Jacobs

I love this one in A. J. Jacobs "The Year of Living Bibically". Jacobs has a Jewish friend living in Wisconsin who tells Jacobs the Jews there refer to themselves as "the frozen chosen". — A. J. Jacobs

On the bright side, my slightly lower IQ means that I probably have worse recall. Maybe I'll soon forget that I have a depressed IQ. — A. J. Jacobs