Quotes & Sayings About Your Bum

I think the best life would be one that's lived off the grid. No bills, your name in no government databases. No real proof you're even who you say you are, aside from, you know, being who you say you are. I don't mean living in a mountain hut with solar power and drinking well water. I think nature's beautiful and all, but I don't have any desire to live in it. I need to live in a city. I need pay as you go cell phones in fake names, wireless access stolen or borrowed from coffee shops and people using old or no encryption on their home networks. Taking knife fighting classes on the weekend! Learning Cantonese and Hindi and how to pick locks. Getting all sorts of skills so that when your mind starts going, and you're a crazy raving bum, at least you're picking their pockets while raving in a foreign language at smug college kids on the street. At least you're always gonna be able to eat. — Joey Comeau

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf, And the world makes you King for a day, Then go to the mirror and look at yourself, And see what that guy has to say. For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife, Whose judgement upon you must pass. The feller whose verdict counts most in your life Is the guy staring back from the glass. He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest, For he's with you clear up to the end, And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test If the guy in the glass is your friend. You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum, And think you're a wonderful guy, But the man in the glass says you're only a bum If you can't look him straight in the eye. You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years, And get pats on the back as you pass, But your final reward will be heartaches and tears If you've cheated the guy in the glass. Dale Wimbrow — Shawn Jones

You aimin' to go the full circle now? How long before I have to come get you up from the sidewalks? You got hurt and pain in you? Well, I used to know a man who knew how to live with his pain and make his hurt work for him. Your daddy died with dignity; there wasn't no bum in him. And he known some hurts in this life you ain't never even heard of! — Lorraine Hansberry

And when you write a poem within the accepted poem-form, making it sound like a poem because a poem is a poem is a poem, you are saying "good morning" in that poem, and well, your morals are straight and you have not said SHIT, but wouldn't it be wonderful if you could ... instead of sweating out the correct image, the precise phrase, the turn of a thought ... simply sit down and write the god damned thing, throwing on the color and sound, shaking us alive with the force, the blackbirds, the wheat fields, the ear in the hand of the whore, sun, sun, sun, SUN!; let's make poetry the way we make love; let's make poetry and leave the laws and the rules and the morals to the churches and the politicians; let's make poetry the way we tilt the head back for the good liquor; let a drunken bum make his flame, and some day, Robert, I'll think of you, pretty and difficult, measuring vowels and adverbs, making rules instead of poetry. — Charles Bukowski

After forty-odd years you stop asking," she says. "Want some free advice?"
I nod.
"Don't trip over yourselves trying to be a perfect couple, love. Get out of each other's way; don't be afraid of falling out, shutting up, or telling little porky pies; do your share of the cleaning; don't leave your dirty undies inside out on the carpet; leave the seat down; buy her flowers once a month; and pinch her bum once a week - the rest's up to you. — Andy Jones

As long as you smile, have sparkly eyes and stick your shoulders back, nobody's going to notice your bum or your waist or your feet, for that matter. — Cat Deeley

Keisha, my love," I said in my fey-est, gayest drawl, "your bum doesn't just look big, it is big. No, I take that back. It's enormous. Planets feel inferior beside it . Lesser bums are drawn into orbit around it. Last time it went dark, everyone said, Oh, is it an eclipse? And I told them, 'No, it's Keisha's bum blotting out the sun.' I could compose odes to the size of your bum."

Jude answering Keisha's question "Does my bum look big in this?"

Merrow, JL (2013-04-09). Slam! (Kindle Locations 35-38). — J.L. Merrow

Yes. Just now, I was actually trying to rank 'I love you, I like you, I worship you, I have to have my cock inside you,' in terms of relative sincerity.
Did I day that? he said sounding slightly startled.
Yes. Weren't you listening?
No, he admitted. I meant every word of it though. His hand cupped one buttock, weighing it appreciatively. Still do come to that.
What, even that last one? I laughed and rubbed my forehead gently against his chest, feeling his jaw rest snugly on top of my head.
Oh, aye, he said gathering me firmly against him with a sigh. I will say the flesh requires a bit of supper and a wee rest before I think of doin' it again, but the spirit is always willing. God, ye have the sweetest fat wee bum. Only seeing it makes me want to give it yea again directly. It's lucky ye're wed to a decrepit auld man, Sessenach, or ye'd be on your knees with your arse in the air this minute. — Diana Gabaldon

But there's two kinds of work, kid, work and hard work. If you want to stand out, have something to sell, you got to do hard work. Pick out something impossible and do it, or be a bum the rest of your life. — Kurt Vonnegut

The next time you see a bum leaving drug needles in a park where children play or urinating in the street, you are seeing your tax dollars at work and the end result of the vision of the anointed. — Thomas Sowell

You must learn to call on the Lord. Don't sit all alone or lie on the couch, shaking your head and letting your thoughts torture you. Don't worry about how to get out of your situation or brood about your terrible life, how miserable you feel, and what a bad person you are. Instead, say, Get a grip on yourself, you lazy bum! Fall on your knees, and raise your hands and eyes toward heaven. Read a psalm. Say the Lord's Prayer, and tearfully tell God what you need. — Martin Luther

But after awhile you stand up, wipe the frost out of your ear, go someplace to get warm, bum a nickel for coffee, and then start walkin' toward somewheres else that ain't near no bridge. — William Kennedy

When I was racing, I had learned that you can't set stock in public adoration or your press clippings. By the time I was 26, I'd heard crowds of 100,000 scream my name, but a week later they couldn't remember who I was. You're a hero today and a bum tomorrow - hero to zero, I sometimes say. — Eddie Rickenbacker

If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, acting lovingly; if you believe every which way, then act every which way, that's perfectly valid - but don't go out trying to sell your beliefs to the system. You end up contradicting what you profess to believe in, and you set a bum example. If you want to change the world, change yourself. — Tom Robbins

Whoever had said in the guidebooks that the bum bag was a sensible device against theft had lied; no single item of dressware ever invented cried out "mug me" more than a pouch of zip-up plastic suspended by your groin. — Kate Griffin

We've got a war going on, the demons are invading, you got implanted by the Prince of Darkness and you're worried I'll make you stick your finger up your bum and bark like a dog? This is serious!'
- Mr. Fogarty — Herbie Brennan

How terribly dear!" she said. "How ineffably buddy-buddy! I shouldn't have gone running to him with my little heartache, Mr. McGee. It was selfish of me. It upset him, and it didn't do me any particular good. How can he check up on anything anyway? Why don't you just invent some soothing little story for him and go down and tell it to him and then go back to your beach-bum career, whatever it is? — John D. MacDonald

New Rule: You can't bum-rush the president for autographs after he just lectured you for an hour about how you have to grow up. Have some dignity, for Christ's sake. He's your coworker, not Hannah Montana. If you're this crazy about him now, what are you going to do if he turns the country around, ask him to sign your tit? — Bill Maher

I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum. — Louis C.K.

Hear about the Californian terrorist that tried to blow up a bus? Burned his lips on the exhaust pipe. He can take his'n and beat your'n, then he can take your'n and beat his'n. — Bum Phillips

Yes, you are right! I am your leftover trash. I hope you know a bum got to eat too. I believe you were one when I met you. — Touaxia Vang

Fe fi fo fum, I'll put you on your bum! — Dave Franklin

your a flea on a rats bum — Julia Golding

Baby steps for your nerdy girl, she writes.
The girl clearly underestimates the power of her bum and a seductively minimal pose.
Nerdy my arse, I type back. All the cold showers in the world can't cure what u've done to me.
Cruel wife. — Wendy Higgins

Yes, I still call them flip-flops, even though I've lived in Australia for ten years. I can't accept that thongs aren't something that get stuck up the crack in your bum. — Paige Toon

Every troublemaker's excuse! Put it up your bum with the rest of the dirt! — Stephen King

Prince Ronald said, Elizabeth, your hair is all dirty. You are wearing an ugly paper bag. You don't have any shoes on and you smell like a dragon's ear. Come back and rescue me when you're dressed like a real princess.
Elizabeth said, Ronald, your hair is all nice. Your clothes are all pretty. You look like a nice guy, but guess what? You are a bum.
They didn't get married after all. — Robert Munsch

I'm in love with 'Bravo.' Me and my girlfriends love 'Bravo-ing,' which doesn't necessarily mean watching 'Bravo.' It's when you're a bum and you're on your couch watching reality shows. — Ashley Tisdale

Life isn't filled with perfect harmony. The world is littered with bum notes, off-key moments and tuneless episodes. The trick is to find your own music, to ignore the discord and sing your own tune. — Annie Lyons

I drink because I don't stand a chance and I know it. I couldn't drive a truck and I couldn't get on the cops with my build. I got to sling beer and sing when I just want to sing. I drink because I got responsibilities that I can't handle ... I am not a happy man. I got a wife and children and I don't happen to be a hard-working man. I never wanted a family ... Yes, your mother works hard. I love my wife and I love my children. But shouldn't a man have a better life? Maybe someday it will be that the Unions will arrange for a man to work and to have time for himself too. But that won't be in my time. Now, it's work hard all the time or be a bum ... no in-between. When I die, nobody will remember me for long. No one will say, "He was a man who loved his family and believed in the Union." All they will say is," Too bad. But he was nothing but a drunk no matter which way you look at it." Yes they'll say that. — Betty Smith

I do loads of squats with weights. It's great for your bum and legs. — Fleur East

If I just open this window a bit, that man might put his finger
up your bum. Wouldn't that be nice for you? — Richard Rider

It may be bliss not to know a tornado is coming because you have no need to worry or take action. But while your head is in the sand your bum is in the air, the tornado is still coming. — David Icke

It can bum you out when your intentions aren't, like, translated properly. — Kesha

Is there one in particular, Tennyson?" Henry said, ducking out from under her arm. "I could arrange a meeting."
"Yeah, the one from Texas ... what's his name?"
"That would be Dylan. But he's a nice guy and you'd break his heart. He dropped out of Texas A&M to come up here and saddle bum around with my horses year-round. Knowing your dad, I think you'd better be looking for a pre-med honors student."
"Leave my dad out of this. — Laura Anderson Kurk

Religion says that your soul goes to heaven or possibly to a seven-tiered garden, or that your soul is reincarnated into a new body, or that you lie around in your coffin clothes until the Second Coming. And, of course, only one of these can be true. Which means that for millions of people, religion will turn out to have been a bum steer as regards the hereafter. (13) — Mary Roach

You never know whose eyes God is watchin you through. It might not be your teacher, your preacher, or your Sunday school teacher. More likely it's gon' be that bum on the street. — Ron Hall

Once you get over the simple unpleasantness of it - I suspect most people would gag, the first time - it is easier to wipe somebody else's bum than it is your own, because you can see what you're doing and use both hands at once if necessary. The whole process is much more efficient and uses no more toilet paper than is strictly required, so it's better for the environment, too. If we were really green we'd all have somebody else wipe our bums, though I can't see it catching on. — Iain Banks

Wake up and fuck me," demanded Tarin.

"I thought your bum hurt?"

Tarin squirmed. "Want cock, too. Fall out a tree, climb it again. — Syd McGinley

You're so unhip, it's a wonder your bum doesn't fall off. — Douglas Adams

She had hit rock-bottom. She had given a blow job to a man who for all intents and purposes, was a bum. He had smelled so bad, she forced him to spray on some of the perfume she always carried in her purse. Her favorite perfume. After tonight, she was quitting. Yeah, she'd have to go back home with her two kids, grovel to her mama and work a dead-end job, but anything was better than getting down on your knees to give a guy as disgusting as Lenny a one-off. — A.T. Hicks

After jiu-jitsu, you will appreciate how well the body works without our even realizing or recognizing it. You will, however, have some insight into its extraordinariness when you have trouble wiping your bum because it hurts to straighten your arm. I guarantee at that point and time you will really appreciate what your body can do. — Mark Johnson

You can't do business with a man who doesn't know the meaning of a contract. You can't do business with a firm who swears they'll do one thing one day and does just the opposite the next. You can't do business with a company who takes your goods on a cash basis and then pays you off in bum harmonicas. — Stephen Vincent Benet

You flatter me, my dear girl." He demurred playfully with a small bow. Rose always cheered him up.
"You've got a nice bum." She shrugged with a bright, cheerful grin. Seeing her happy was always a pleasure.
"That opinion seems to run in your family. Your father said the same to me on numerous occasions. Sadly, he followed it up with 'but it's in the way of the television'." Eric smiled wryly — Cecilia Ryan

No matter what you do, do your best at it. If your going to be a bum, be the best bum there is. — Robert Mitchum

When I was growing up, my mother would always say, 'It will go on your permanent record.' There was no 'permanent record.' If there were a 'permanent record,' I'd never be able to be a lawyer. I was such a bum in elementary school and high school ... There is a permanent record today, and it's called the Internet. — Alan Dershowitz

How can trade be bad if you don't make money
even when it's good?" inquired Gleed, reasonably
applying the information Harrison had given him.
Jeff's big moon eyes went over him slowly then
turned to Harrison. "So he's another bum off your
boat, eh? What's he talking about?"
"Money," explained Harrison. "It's stuff we use to
simplify trade. It's printed stuff, like documentary
obs of various sizes."
"That tells me a lot," Jeff Baines observed. "It
tells a crowd that has to make a printed record of
every ob is not to be trusted - because they don't
even trust each other. — Eric Frank Russell