Woollcott Quotes & Sayings

Mrs. Patrick Cambell is an aged British battleship sinking rapidly and firing every available gun on her rescuers. — Alexander Woollcott

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening — Alexander Woollcott

My toils in the quotation field have led me to formulate two or three laws about the way people use and abuse quotations. My first law is: When in doubt, ascribe all quotations to Bernard Shaw - which I don't mean to be taken literally, but as a general observation of the habit people have of attaching remarks to the nearest obvious speaker. Churchill, Wilde, Orson Welles and Alexander Woollcott are other useful figures upon whom to father remarks when you don't know who really said them. — Nigel Rees

He (Alexander Woollcott) always praises the first production of each season, being reluctant to stone the first cast. — Walter Winchell

Germany was the cause of Hitler as much as Chicago is responsible for the Chicago Tribune. — Alexander Woollcott

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day. — Alexander Woollcott

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. — Alexander Woollcott

There's absolutely nothing wrong with Oscar Levant that a miracle can't fix. — Alexander Woollcott

They migrated to the usual room on the second floor. Heywood Broun was there by the door, setting up bottles of gin, scotch and beer. Alexander Woollcott sat ensconced behind the round table (not THE Round Table). He shuffled the cards and stacked up poker chips.

Dorothy stopped in the doorway and watched what they were doing. 'You boys sure know how to treat a woman,' she said. 'Liquor in the front and poker in the rear. — J.J. Murphy

A party in the orange grove. The pain on Linden's face is immediate. I am unwavering. He has cost me more pain than I will ever be able to repay. — Lauren DeStefano

The two oldest professions in the world - ruined by amateurs. — Alexander Woollcott

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go. — Alexander Woollcott

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. — Alexander Woollcott

A cup of hot wine with not a drop of allaying Tiber in 't. — William Shakespeare

The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it. — Alexander Woollcott

Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing. — Alexander Woollcott

The protagonist, Amanda, discusses her sex relationship with her husband, John Paul
As long as it's done with honesty and grace, John Paul doesn't mind if I go to bed with other men. Or with other girls, as is sometimes my fancy. What has marriage got to do with it? Marriage is not a synonym for monogamy any more than monogamy is a synonym for ideal love. To live lightly on the earth, lovers and families must be more flexible and relaxed. The ritual of sex releases its magic inside or outside the marital bond. I approach that ritual with as much humility as possible and perform it whenever it seems appropriate. As for John Paul and me, a strange spurt of semen is not going to wash our love away. — Tom Robbins

I count it a high honor to belong to a profession in which the good men write every paragraph, every sentence, every line, as lovingly as any Addison or Steele, and do so in full regard that by tomorrow it will have been burned, or used, if at all, to line a shelf. — Alexander Woollcott

Babies in silk hats playing with dynamite. — Alexander Woollcott

Today just might be the best day to start seriously thinking about quitting smoking ... — Alexander Woollcott

There's nothing wrong with Oscar Levant - nothing a miracle won't cure. — Alexander Woollcott

Reading Proust is like bathing in someone else's dirty water. — Alexander Woollcott

You are not, though, forgiving so as to let others off with things. You are forgiving so that you can empower yourself to get over it and become strong. — Stephen Richards

His huff arrived and he departed in it. — Alexander Woollcott

Wages, investments, and home values are the three legs of the economic stool for most Americans. — Mark McKinnon

To all things clergic I am allergic. — Alexander Woollcott

It comes from the likes of you! Take what you can get! Grab the chances as they come along! Act in hallways! Sing in doorways! Dance in cellars! — Alexander Woollcott

You haven't lived until you died in New York. — Alexander Woollcott

A broker is a man who runs your fortune into a shoestring. — Alexander Woollcott

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it. — Alexander Woollcott

Los Angeles is seven suburbs in search of a city. — Alexander Woollcott

Nothing risque, nothing gained. — Alexander Woollcott

At 83 Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's. — Alexander Woollcott

A tree that can fill the span of a man's arms grows from a downy tip; A terrace nine stories high rises from level earth; A journey of a thousand miles starts from beneath one's feet. — Laozi

I spent my life in the library reading books. — Michael Caine