Witty Sarcastic Quotes & Sayings

I'm just here to compete and do the best I can and let things play out and just be the best teammate I can be, regardless of the situation. — Tarvaris Jackson

The Black Pit of Despair is temporarily closed for renovations. We apologize for any inconvenience. — David C. Holley

That if you need something urgently done, give the task to the busiest (or second busiest) person in the office. — Nassim Nicholas Taleb

The only dream I've ever had is to become a major league baseball player. — Mark Teixeira

Everyone has the right to run his own life- even if you're heading for a crash. What I'm against is blind flying. — Mae West

Still, there was also was something reassuring about working for Commercial, almost hopeful. Like things that were lost could be found again. As we drove away, I always tried to imagine what it would be like to open your door to find something you had given up on. — Sarah Dessen

Besides, there's no one way to be a girl, Tay. You don't need to fit yourself into what society tells us a girl should be. Girls can be whoever they want. Whether that's an ass-kicking, sarcastic, crime-solving FBI Agent or a funny, gorgeous, witty beauty queen--or both at the same time." She swings an arm around me and pulls me in.

"Are you happy the way you are? Are you comfortable? Do you feel like yourself?"

The corner of my mouth lifts into a half smile. "Yes. Yes. And yes."

"Then that's all that matters. Fuck everything else. — Jen Wilde

She was looking good, too. Had a dress on and it fit her the way a dress ought to fit every woman in the world. — Anonymous

Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems ... "
"Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue. — Robin Hobb

Guys like him? They were the worst kind. All looks and no heart. Guys not like him? They were all deceiving, freaking asshats. — Rucy Ban

Half is better than none unless it be of a wit. — Susan Lendroth

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. — George Carlin

Unsettling, like seeing Stalin on a skateboard. — David Nicholls

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. — George Carlin

You flunked out of Being a Human 101 but aced Assholery III? The sarcastic sneer on her lovely lips was sexy as fuck and I couldn't help laughing at the witty comeback. — Raine Miller

There were so many viciously sarcastic ways to respond, Jaden's brain was temporarily paralyzed due to witty comeback overload. — Courtney Kirchoff

We are not governed by armies or police, but by ideas. — Mona Caird

I didn't even realize I was writing songs - I thought I was just being witty and sarcastic. — Halsey

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels. — Candace C. Bowen