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Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes & Sayings

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Top Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Henny Youngman

We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse. — Henny Youngman

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By David Coleman

And there's no "I love you" message because Steve Ovett has married the girl — David Coleman

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Joan Johnston

Charlotte!" Denbigh roared. "What are you doing in my bedroom, and why didn't you knock?"
"I brought the doctor," she said with asperity.
"A young lady does not enter the bedroom of a gentleman to whom she is not married," Denbigh retorted.
"Then what is Olivia doing in here?" she asked.
"Olivia is my sister."
"So?"
"You are my ward."
"So?"
Olivia laughed. "Oh, Lion, you won't win an argument with Charlotte. Believe me, I've tried. — Joan Johnston

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Kristen Wiig

When you're a woman in your thirties, and maybe you don't really know what you want to do with your life, but it seems like everyone else does, and your best friend gets married, and it forces you to look at yourself. I don't know if I described that in a very funny way. — Kristen Wiig

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Robin Williams

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.' — Robin Williams

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Marc Maron

I was married once before, and I stopped. — Marc Maron

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Nancy Mitford

It is quite funny really when you think that probably I would have married him if he'd been at all clever about it. But instead of putting it to me as a sensible business proposition he would drag in all this talk about love the whole time, and I simply can't bear those showerings of sentimentality. Otherwise I should most likely have married him ages ago. — Nancy Mitford

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Minnie Pearl

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. — Minnie Pearl

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Ken Follett

Such disappointments, betrayals and reconciliations were the stuff of married life, but she and Jack had gone through them before the wedding. Now, at least, she felt confident that she knew him. Nothing was likely to surprise her. It was a funny way to do things, but it might be better than making your vows first and getting to know your spouse afterward. — Ken Follett

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Rita Rudner

Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed. — Rita Rudner

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Loretta Chase

Then came her voice in his ear: "I give myself to thee. I give myself to thee. I give myself to thee."
And at last she sank onto him, and he wrapped his arms about her and savoured the delicious peace. The stray, funny thought came: we're married, and he laughed out loud. — Loretta Chase

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Grace Paley

I saw my ex-husband in the street. I was sitting on the steps of the new library.
Hello, my life, I said. We had once been married for twenty-seven years, so I felt justified.
He said, What? What life? No life of mine. — Grace Paley

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Robyn Carr

Peyton, I'm not married and you're not a lesbian. Think of the possibilities. — Robyn Carr

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By MaryJanice Davidson

He's all right. His hair is cute."
Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. " Oh my God, you're in love."
"I'm not in love."
"'his hair is cute'? You never say anything nice about anyone. Coming from you, cute hair is a mating call."
" I talked to the guy for thirty seconds. And then he waved at me while i was in the tank."
"Holy fuck, you're getting married, aren't you!"
" Will you simmer. I certainly am not. — MaryJanice Davidson

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Thomas Hardy

He can blow the flute very well-that 'a can,' said a young married man, who having no individuality worth mentioning was known as 'Susan Tall's husband. — Thomas Hardy

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Julie Garwood

An english baron wed to my daughter? I'll die first, I will." Johanna quit rubbing Claire's shoulder and stepped forward.
"A very rich baron," she blurted out. The laird frowned at Johanna with what she thought was indignation.
"Wealth is not an issue here," he muttered. "How rich?"
They were married an hour later. — Julie Garwood

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Julia Quinn

Anthony Bridgerton leaned back in his leather chair,and then announced,
"I'm thinking about getting married."
Benedict Bridgerton, who had been indulging in a habit his mother detested - tipping his chair drunkenly on the back two legs - fell over.
Colin Bridgerton started to choke.
Luckily for Colin, Benedict regained his seat with enough time to smack him soundly on the back, sending a green olive sailing across the table.
It narrowly missed Anthony's ear. — Julia Quinn

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Richard LaGravenese

A friend of mine from college is married to Neil Levy, who started on 'Saturday Night Live' in the early days and is a really great guy and funny writer. — Richard LaGravenese

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Michael Darling

May I help you?"
"Mr. Neck-uh-stone-sack please," I replied.
"Um. You mean Nat?"
"Yeah. This is Counselor Smallwater's law office. May I speak with Nat?"
"Well, he's in a class right now. Can I take a message?"
"Hmm. I suppose it's all right. You can just tell him that his annulment is official now. He and his sister are no longer married. — Michael Darling

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Molly Harper

My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa. — Molly Harper

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Kristen Schaal

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you. — Kristen Schaal

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Heather Locklear

Lust is the sin that gets me excited. Luckily, because I'm married, I also get really good jewelry out of it. — Heather Locklear

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By M. Kane

You think batting your lashes is going to get you out of this?"

"Of course not. You're a married man, detective. — M. Kane

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Eeva Lancaster

The issue of who will throw the garbage won't be so trivial when no one is throwing it away, and it starts to stink. When the plates pile up in the kitchen sink, or when the bathroom is grimy and the shampoo ran out. No, it won't be funny then. — Eeva Lancaster

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Chelsea Handler

One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern. — Chelsea Handler

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Ella Dominguez

I won't share you, Dylan. I mean that. If you think for one second now that we're married, you can try and pull some kind of shit over on me, you'd better think again. I can take whatever you can dish out when it comes to pain, embarrassment and humiliation, and whatever else you have going on in that wicked mind of yours, but I'll be damned if I'll share you with another woman. Or man."
What the fuck? I almost laugh at her, but she's so serious she would probably slap the shit out of me. "Calm the hell down. I'm not trying to pull anything over on you, okay? And seriously, a man?"
"Well, I don't know. Maybe one of your secrets is that you like getting pegged in the ass or something."
This time I laugh out loud at her and she narrows her eyes at me.
"Don't ask me to peg you either, because it's never going to happen."
I laugh even louder. Good God this woman is funny. "I promise you that I don't want to be pegged, Isa. — Ella Dominguez

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Alexandra Adornetto

Who said anything about relationship? Besides, we're not required to share everything; it's not like we're married."
"You want to marry me?" Xavier asked, and I saw some faces turn toward us in curiosity. "I was thinking we'd start slow and see where things went, but hey, what the hell!"
I rolled my eyes. "Be quiet or I'll be forced to flick you."
"Ooh," he mocked. "The ultimate threat. I don't think I've ever been flicked before."
"Are you suggesting I can't hurt you?"
"On the contrary, I think you have the power to do great damage."
I looked at him quizzically and then blushed deeply when his meaning dawned.
"Very funny," I said curtly. — Alexandra Adornetto

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Sarah Curtis

Ran into him? Are you not together?"

Cassie shook her head. "No."
Gage contradicted her by saying, "We are. We're getting married."

Cassie leaned into him and hissed. "Would you stop telling people that." She turned back to Sam and gave her a smile. "We're not getting married."

Gage used Cassie's hair to tip her head back again. He leaned over, giving her another kiss before saying, "Sunshine, we are."

Cassie yanked her hair out of his fist and took a step away from him. "Honey limpkins," she said, sarcastically, "we are not. — Sarah Curtis

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Shonda Rhimes

There is no list of rules. There is one rule. The rule is: there are no rules. Happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to. As your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be. Being traditional is not traditional anymore. It's funny that we still think of it that way. Normalize your lives, people. You don't want a baby? Don't have one. I don't want to get married? I won't. You want to live alone? Enjoy it. You want to love someone? Love someone. Don't apologize. Don't explain. Don't ever feel less than. When you feel the need to apologize or explain who you are, it means the voice in your head is telling you the wrong story. Wipe the slate clean. And rewrite it. No fairy tales. Be your own narrator. And go for a happy ending. One foot in front of the other. You will make it. — Shonda Rhimes

Why Did I Get Married Funny Quotes By Regina King

It's funny that until I actually met my husband, I never thought I'd get married. — Regina King