Weird Humorous Quotes & Sayings

She shrugged and flipped her glossy hair behind her shoulders. "What else do you have to do with your time besides think about stuff like this? It's not like you're real heavy into extracurriculars. Besides, you're all, like, goth and into the dead, right?"
Alona Dare, queen of the insult-compliment. "Wow. Thanks. Anyone ever tell you you're good with people?"
She frowned. "No."
"Good. I'm not goth."
"Your hair is black, you have piercings, you wear black all the time and act all freaky-"
"My hair is naturally this color. I have three earings in one ear, that's it. This shirt" -I tugged at the fabric across my chest- "is navy blue, and if I act weird all the time, it's because of ghosts like you. — Stacey Kade

Turren blinked and then smiled from ear to ear. "What makes a pure soul extra purer?"

"I don't know," Sebastian said. "I didn't eat anything weird today. — Sam Argent

How many more nights and weird mornings can this terrible shit go on? How long can the body and the brain tolerate this doom-struck craziness? This grinding of teeth, this pouring of sweat, this pounding of blood in the temples ... small blue veins gone amok in front of the ears, sixty and seventy hours with no sleep. — Hunter S. Thompson

I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff ... and I want in.. — Homer Simpson

He had that rare weird electricity about him - that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving normally. — Hunter S. Thompson

Weird is just a side-effect of being awesome! — Jean Gilbert

Oh, y'know, magic stuff is full of weird vibrations!" said Dane. "Makes your palm sweat, gives you that pins and needles sensation when you hold it! Maybe something running up your arm." He paused. "Something that isn't a spider or a bug. Something running up your arm that's an invisible sensation. But not an invisible spider. Like an invisible feeling that's pins and needly. Maybe more needles than pins."
"Are you sure that's not a heart attack?" said Jaya. — Dennis Liggio

Do we have a hand mirror?' I asked from the kitchen doorway.
'Never use one,' said Lester, examining the date on a carton of sour cream.
'Naturally, you're a male. What you see is what you've got,' I said resentfully.
'Huh?' said Lester. — Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Bast crouched down and began making weird chittering noises. Uh-oh. She was imitating birds. I'd seen enough cats do this when they were stalking. Suddenly my own obituary flashed in my head: Carter Kane, 14, tragically died in Paris wen he was eaten by his sister's cat, Muffin. — Rick Riordan

Spanish was weird that way: two words for monkeys, and esposas meant both wives and handcuffs. That said a lot. — Ann Aguirre

If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird? — George Carlin

One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird sigh when you sat down on it. I'm not a germaphobe or anything like that, but it is weird to think about all the ass time this seat had seen before we moved in. This is a horrible invention. What's the plan? You want to create a toilet seat so comfortable that you can fall asleep while you're taking a shit? You're going to show up late for work or end up like Elvis. — Adam Carolla

Thus, hanging around in our towels (and those weird disposable underpants) was no big deal. — Ann Benjamin

There's nothing sexier than imaging myself as an Oxford comma getting unambiguously banged. Throw in a semicolon in between two closely related independent clauses, and a volcanic love of punctuation eruption is guaranteed. — Ella Dominguez

How is that weird?" Dark the First asked incredulously. "Literally everyone does it. Literally."
"I really wish you'd stop saying literally," Dark the Second said. "I literally don't think you understand what that word means. — T.J. Klune

It's weird that people expect me to be funny. I find it a real burden when I'm expected to be humorous on talk shows. — Ben Stiller

Fainting is for preteen girls and those really weird goats. I do not faint! — Melissa F. Olson