Watterson Quotes & Sayings

Calvin: Trick or Treat!
Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be?
Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak!
... Boy, am I scary or what? — Bill Watterson

Ah, the life of a newspaper cartoonist
how I miss the groupies, drugs and trashed hotel rooms! — Bill Watterson

Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves. — Bill Watterson

You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a "graphic novel," but comic books are still incredibly stupid. — Bill Watterson

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently. — Bill Watterson

County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that's the problem. I don't know how to spell it and I'm not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I'll stop you when ... Hello? — Bill Watterson

So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met? — Bill Watterson

I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point. — Bill Watterson

History will thank me for keeping this journal at such a young age. As one of those rare individuals destined for true greatness, this record of my thoughts and convictions will provide invaluable insight into budding genius. Think of it! A priceless historical document in the making! Wow! ... so who ELSE should I add to my list of total jerks? — Bill Watterson

- I should be doing my homework now. But the way I look at it, playing in the snow is a lot more important. Out here I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life.
- Such as?
- Procrastination and rationalization. — Bill Watterson

Cincinnati at that time was also beginning to realize it had major cartooning talent in Jim Borgman, at the city's other paper, and I didn't benefit from the comparison.His footsteps seemed like good ones to follow, so I cultivated an interest in politics, and Borgman helped me a lot in learning how to construct an editorial cartoon. Neither of us dreamed I'd end up in the same town on the opposite paper. — Bill Watterson

Garry Trudeau is the only cartoonist with the clout to get his strip published large enough to accomodate extended dialogue. It's ashame. — Bill Watterson

I'm thinking of starting my own talk radio show. I'll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialog! — Bill Watterson

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track. — Bill Watterson

For your information, I'm staying like this, and everyone else can just get used to it! If people don't like me the way I am, well TOUGH BEANS! It's a free country! I don't need anyone's permission to be the way I want! This is who I am - Take it or leave it! — Bill Watterson

It's not the medium, but the quality of perception and expression, that determines the significance of art. — Bill Watterson

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are? — Bill Watterson

Calvin: "I read this library book you got me."
Calvin's Mom: "What did you think of it?"
Calvin: "It really made me see things differently. It's given me a lot to think about."
Calvin's Mom: "I'm glad you enjoyed it."
Calvin: "It's complicating my life. Don't get me any more. — Bill Watterson

BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL! — Bill Watterson

Mom says death is as natural as birth, and it's all part of the life cycle.
She says we don't really understand it, but there are many things we don't understand, and we just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have.
I guess that makes sense. — Bill Watterson

What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up? — Bill Watterson

I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here. — Bill Watterson

There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late. — Bill Watterson

My likely historical significance is a terrible burden. ~ Calvin — Bill Watterson

It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning. — Bill Watterson

The best presents don't come in boxes. — Bill Watterson

I chose to tell the story visually, so that anyone of any age, from any country, could understand it. — Bill Watterson

You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants. — Bill Watterson

It's gratifying to hear that from people who care about comic art. I never know what to make of it when someone writes to say, "Calvin and Hobbes is the best strip in the paper. I like it even more than Nancy." — Bill Watterson

This is where dad burried the little raccoon.
I don't even know he existed a few days ago and now he's gone forever. It's like I found him for no reason. I had to say good-bye as soon as I said hello.
Still ... in a sad, awful, terrible way, I'm happy I met him.
What a stupid world. — Bill Watterson

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems. — Bill Watterson

Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars!" - Calvin
"Flatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting." - Calvin's mom — Bill Watterson

There are no restrictions of taste, approach, or subject matter. The gatekeepers are gone, so the prospect for new and different voices is exciting. Or at least it will be if anyone reads them. And it will be even more exciting if anyone pays for them. It's hard to charge admission without a gate. — Bill Watterson

Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I cant find them. Mom: I haven't seen them. Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character! — Bill Watterson

As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway. — Bill Watterson

Van Gogh would've sold more than one painting if he'd put tigers in them. — Bill Watterson

Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. - BILL WATTERSON — Michio Kaku

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria! — Bill Watterson

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs. — Bill Watterson

I'm leaking brain lubricant. — Bill Watterson

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse — Bill Watterson

Mothers are the necessity of invention. — Bill Watterson

So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it. — Bill Watterson

I cut out construction paper feathers and taped them on my arms so I can fly! Pretty neat, huh? — Bill Watterson

Barney's Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan
when his dad said "Eat your peas."
Barney shouted no and ran
Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar
Barney's Mom never found out where he'd gone,
Cause Barney didn't tell her.
There his dad spent his life eating mice and gruel
With every bite for fifty years
he was sorry he'd been cruel — Bill Watterson

I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family. — Bill Watterson

So long, Pop! I'm off to check my tiger trap! — Bill Watterson

I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian! — Bill Watterson

You can present the material, but you can't make me care. — Bill Watterson

But for my own example, I'd never believe one little kid could have so much brains! — Bill Watterson

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know. — Bill Watterson

It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world. ... unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here. — Bill Watterson

I think comics overall would be better. I think there's a tremendous potential to be tapped. — Bill Watterson

I'm related to people I don't relate to. — Bill Watterson

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor? — Bill Watterson

Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand for! ... Ready? ... She's such a hypocrite about building vocabulary. — Bill Watterson

Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.
-Hobbes — Bill Watterson

Now what state do you live in?'
'Denial. — Bill Watterson

I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big. — Bill Watterson

Repetition is the death of magic. — Bill Watterson

Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse. — Bill Watterson

It's only work if somebody makes you do it. — Bill Watterson

I've been thinking Hobbes"
"On a weekend?"
"Well, it wasn't on purpose — Bill Watterson

It's a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it's light out. — Bill Watterson

Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy ... and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!! Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans. — Bill Watterson

I was offered a job at the Cincinnati Post as their editorial cartoonist in a trial six month arrangement. The agreement was that they could fire me or I could quit with no questions asked if things didn't work out during the first few months. Sure enough, things didn't work out, and they fired me, no questions asked. — Bill Watterson

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience. — Bill Watterson

It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw. — Bill Watterson

When a person pauses in mid-sentence to choose a word, that's the best time to jump in and change the subject! It's like an interception in football! You grab the others guy's idea and run the opposite way with it! The more sentences you complete, the higher your score! The idea is to block the other guy's thoughts and express your own! That's how you win!

Conversations aren't contests!

Ok, a point for you, but I'm still ahead. — Bill Watterson

I've always been a huge fan of fantasy and adventure, putting yourself in someone else's shoes, I'm sure that's why I'm an actor. It's why I played with action figures as a kid, that's why I wrote and drew and read comics as a kid. — Bill Watterson

Obviously the great thing about this job is the complete freedom of the schedule. So long as I meet the deadline, they don't care when I work or how I work. — Bill Watterson

Tomorrow we'll not only seize the day, we'll throttle it. — Bill Watterson

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made. — Bill Watterson

When I get to the drawing, I really enjoy taking a big chunk of time and working on the drawing and nothing else. That allows me to make sure that I'm really challenging the art, making each picture as interesting as I can. — Bill Watterson

If you're a painter, it's simply taken for granted that you'll spend a lot of time in museums studying great paintings, but if you're a cartoonist, it used to be very hard to see an original cartoon drawing. — Bill Watterson

Leader, bandits at 2 o'clock! Roger; it's only 1:30 now-what'll I do 'til then? — Bill Watterson

Scientific Progress goes boink? — Bill Watterson

I learned about what I love. Imagination, deep friendship, animals, family, the natural world, ideas and ideals ... and silliness. — Bill Watterson

Even when you look for it, you're never prepared for it. — Bill Watterson

Form follows function, as the architects say. With words and pictures, you can do just about anything. — Bill Watterson

The whole idea of hobknobbing and schmoozing and the concept of an "elite" class of celebrities better than the common people has always made my stomach turn. — Bill Watterson

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. — Bill Watterson

Few things are less comforting than a tiger who's up too late. — Bill Watterson

If people looked at the stars each night, they'd live a lot differently. When you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day. — Bill Watterson

We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are. — Bill Watterson

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. — Bill Watterson

On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home. — Bill Watterson

What state do you live in? Denial. — Bill Watterson

Why can't the world ever be unfair in my favor? — Bill Watterson

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. — Bill Watterson

I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed. — Bill Watterson

Good friends are hard to come by.. I need more money. — Bill Watterson

It's always better to leave the party early. — Bill Watterson

I still read newspaper comics, but without much hope for their future. — Bill Watterson

In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. — Bill Watterson

Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.' ... what do you suppose that means?"
Television: " ... it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet — Bill Watterson

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN — Bill Watterson

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
-Calvin — Bill Watterson

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! — Bill Watterson

Virtual reality has nothing on Calvin. — Bill Watterson