Wanker Quotes & Sayings

The bloody cockfucking wanker therapist wants me to write my bloody thoughts about all the tragedy in my bloody life. It'll be therapeutic, he says. It'll be closure, he cheers. I'd bloody well like to push him over the ledge of his window, I think back. Hang my head over the sill and tinkle my bloody fingers in a wave. Watch him flail his arms about trying to bloody fly as he plummets, then splashes across the sidewalk. — Christine Zolendz

There are times when you come across somebody that's really impressive, someone that's got a proper living and really does make a difference to people's lives. Then I do feel a bit of a wanker, admitting I'm an actress. That's hard to say to someone who may be making a difference. But I don't know how I could change things. — Michelle Gomez

Still, even after the black winger John Barnes scored his solo goal to beat Brazil in Rio in 1984, the Football Association's chairman was harangued by England fans on the flight back home: "You fucking wanker, you prefer sambos to us. — Simon Kuper

Be proud to be a decent American rather than a wanker whipping up fear. — Michael D. Higgins

Nope, she didn't. So we grow up and leave home, and I hear from my mum that Madeline has married some wanker, said Ed. — Liane Moriarty

When you by nature subscribe to the view that everyone except yourself is a berk or a wanker, it is hard to bond with anybody in any rational common cause. — Lynne Truss

That sigh didna sound good," Rhys said into the silence of the room.
Lily hadn't even realized she had sighed. She listened to the beat of his heart beneath her ear. "Just thinking."
"Anything I can help with?"
How she wished he could.
Lily opened her eyes to look at his handsome face, a shadow of a beard darkening his jaw. "Unfortunately, no."
"You're no' thinking of that wanker of an ex while in bed with me, are you?" he asked as he cracked open an eye and smiled at her.
She chuckled. "I would never."
"Good, because that could severely damage my confidence. — Donna Grant

The people of Cody like you to think that Buffalo Bill was a native son. In fact, I'm awfully proud to tell you, he was an Iowa native, born in the little town of Le Claire in 1846. The people of Cody, in one of the more desperate commercial acts of this century, bought Buffalo Bill's birthplace and re-erected it in their town, but they are lying through their teeth when they hint that he was a local. And the thing is, they have a talented native son of their own. Jackson Pollock, the artist, was born in Cody. But they don't make anything of that because, I suppose, Pollock was a complete wanker when it came to shooting buffalo. — Bill Bryson

It's always precisely the sort of smug old wanker you would never ever want to end up like. We don't live the way you tell us to because we're afraid that if we do we'll grow up to be like you, and the thought of that is unbearable. It's alright for you because you'll be dead soon anyway, but we've still got another fifty or sixty years to live in this stinking country. — Ryu Murakami

Will knew he would never be good in that way. He would never look at a hairy jumper and work out why it was precisely right for him, and why he should wear it at all hours of the day and night. He would look at it and conclude that the person who bought it for him was a pillock. He did that all the time: he'd look at some twenty-five-year-old guy on roller-skates, sashaying his way down Upper Street with his wraparound shades on, and he'd think one of three things: 1) What a prat; or 2) Who the fuck do you think you are?, or 3) How old do you think you are? Fourteen?
Everyone in England was like that, he reckoned. Nobody looked at a roller-skating bloke with wraparound shades on and thought, hey, he looks cool, or, wow, that looks like a fun way of getting some exercise. They just thought: wanker. But Marcus wouldn't. Marcus would either fail to notice the guy at all, or he would stand there with his mouth open, lost in admiration and wonder. — Nick Hornby

Every Forsaken in a mile radius can probably hear you. You're just asking for trouble if you two don't stop whipping out the measuring stick."
"It's his fault," Avery snaps, pointing at Julian.
"Shut up, ya wanker."
They start in on each other again. They yell as if they both have megaphones to their mouths, standing inches apart. Each vulgar insult is more illogical than the last. — Laura Kreitzer

I can't believe I told you all those things and we've ended up talking about how great I am.'
'But we're not. You've confused the two thnigs again. You're not great. You're a shallow, feckless, self-indulgent... wanker.'
'Thanks. — Nick Hornby

He was always doing that these days. Everything he saw became a symbol of his own existence, from a rabbit caught in headlights to raindrops racing down a window-pane. Perhaps it was a sign that he was going to become a poet or a philosopher: the kind of person who, when he stood on the sea-shore, didn't see waves breaking on a beach, but saw the surge of human will or the rhythms of copulation, who didn't hear the sound of the tide but heard the eroding roar of time and the last moaning sigh of humanity fizzing into nothingness. But perhaps it was a sign, he also thought, that he was turning into a pretentious wanker. — Stephen Fry

If you only do issue-based drama, you can become a boring wanker. — Damian Lewis

Hey, I have a weird question," I said. "What does it mean if a guy calls you 'bang tidy'?"
Marna snorted. "Sounds like something a dirty wanker would say. Or someone pissing about."
Now it was my turn to snort, because she'd called Kai a wanker. — Wendy Higgins

While she watched them, she reviewed their conversation. "When he said 'Kyr,' did he mean Kyr Zemen, the prime commander of the League?" Maris drained his glass in a way that was more akin to his military training than to the fastidious man she knew him to be. "One and the same. Unfortunately. Bloody damn wanker bastard." The venom behind those words had to spring from a personal grudge between them. She'd never seen so much hatred from Maris before toward anyone. Not even her. "How do you know him?" she asked. "He's my oldest brother." That — Sherrilyn Kenyon

See, that's what I want more of. A little spunk!'

'Fuck off!' I yell, shocking myself with my vulgar language.

'Ooh, yes, carry on, you filthy-mouthed bitch!'

I gasp and swing around, finding him grinning from ear to ear. 'Wanker.'

'Cow.'

'Tosser.'

He grins some more. 'Dog.'

'Shirt-lifter,' I retort.

'Tart.'

I recoil, horrified. 'I am not a tart! — Jodi Ellen Malpas

Punk and all that was just an image that ripped people off. Johnny Rotten's a wanker, and that's all there is to it. — Brian Johnson

I wasn't being a git. I wasn't even being a twat, or a wanker, or any of your other bleeding Briticisms - — Stephanie Perkins

Soon, I told myself, I would understand what the heavily articulated greeting "get off the fucking road you fucking wanker" actually meant. — Matt Haig

Roberts knocked, heard: 'Enter.' Thought: 'Wanker. — Ken Bruen

Hey! Jack the Wanker! Over here! I want your autograph! — Maureen Johnson

She had been dumped a couple of years before by a sort of male equivalent to Charlie, a guy called Michael who wanted to be something at the BBC. (He never made it, the wanker, and each day we never saw him on TV or heard him on the radio, something inside us rejoiced.) — Nick Hornby

I'm not a big fan of the gym, I do lots of outdoor aerobics - yoga, swimming, running - but I kinda hate talking about it. We have a term in Australia, it makes you sound like a wanker. — Ryan Kwanten

Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You're not going to turn into a wanker, are you?" says Tone, opening a can of larger.
"What do you mean?"
"He means you're not going to get all studenty on us," says Spencer.
"Well, I am a student. I mean, I will be, so, ... "
"No, but I mean you're not gong to get all twatty and up-your-own-arse and come home at Christmas in a gown, talking Latin and saying "one does" and "one thinks" and all that ... "
"Yeah, Tone, that's EXACTLY what I'm going to do. — David Nicholls

I do consider myself to be something of a pretentious wanker. — Nicky Wire

There was a time I would have totally agreed with this," she said softly. "You can be a real wanker sometimes. — Sibylla Matilde

How did it feel, Fliss? Knowing I was watching that little tosser taste you? Knowing I was watching when you wrapped your lips around the that Sam bloke's cock? — Sibylla Matilde

Marriage is about compromising,' he told me. 'Families are about compromising, being anything other than a hermit is about compromising. Parliamentary democracy certainly is.' He snorted. 'Nothing but.' He drained his glass. 'You either learn to compromise or you resign yourself to shouting from the sidelines for the rest of your life.' He looked thoughtful. 'Or you arrange to become a dictator. There's always that, I suppose.' He shrugged. 'Not a great set of choices, really, but that's the price we pay for living together. And it's that or solitude. Then you really do become a wanker. Another drink? — Iain Banks

Max flashed me a flirtatious smile. "Why don't you come and join us, me and you could -"
"Don't even finish that sentence, Slap-head."
"Hey, I told you, call me Max."
"While you're being a wanker, you're Slap-head. — Suzanne Wrightt

What is the world coming to when you get a red card and get fined two weeks' wages for calling a grown man a wanker? — Paul Gascoigne