W I C Quotes & Sayings

If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon. — W.C. Fields

I'm searching for loopholes. — W.C. Fields

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand ... and besides, I know what I dealt him! — W.C. Fields

I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years. — W.C. Fields

I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m. — W.C. Fields

When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says ... And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer. — W.C. Fields

I only drink to steady my nerves ... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months. — W.C. Fields

I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home. — W.C. Fields

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. — W.C. Fields

I enjoyed biology in high school, and that brought me to a research lab at U.C. Santa Barbara. I loved doing experiments, and I had fun with them. I realized this kind of problem-solving fit my intellectual style. — Carol W. Greider

Grace is not something for which I must look in my heart. It is in the heart of God. — C.F.W. Walther

I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees. — W.C. Fields

Can you keep it all business Shelby?" he asked as he tipped her chin up. "Somehow I don't think you can. — C.W. Stokes

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. — W.C. Fields

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments. — W.C. Fields

Historians evaluating George W. Bush's first term will focus on foreign policy and, most of all, 9/11. I think they will criticize him for his early reaction, for not returning at once to Washington, D.C. — Robert Dallek

I never eat before breakfast. — W.C. Fields

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her. — W.C. Fields

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got. — W.C. Fields

I've taken up the Bible again, somewhat in the spirit of W.C. Fields - looking for loopholes. — David Niven

My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw. — W.C. Fields

To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe. — W.C. Fields

I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother. — W.C. Fields

I must have a drink of breakfast. — W.C. Fields

I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically. — W.C. Fields

I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history; Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields. — Woody Allen

Let's be very clear, if you check the F.E.C. records you will see I am supporting George W. Bush. — Roger Stone

Between my first book tour, in 2003, and the next one, in 2009, many of the places I visited had undergone a significant transformation or vanished: Cody's in Berkeley, seven branch libraries in Philadelphia, twelve of the fourteen bookstores in Harvard Square, Harry W. Schwartz in Milwaukee and, in my own hometown of Washington, D.C., Olsson's and Chapters. — Azar Nafisi

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. — W.C. Fields

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted. — W.C. Fields

Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol. — W.C. Fields

Test the Spirits 1 JOHN 4 Beloved, t do not believe every spirit, but u test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for v many w false prophets x have gone out into the world. 2By this you know the Spirit of God: y every spirit that confesses that z Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3and every spirit a that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and b now is in the world already. 4Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for c he who is in you is greater than d he who is in the world. 5 e They are from the world; therefore they speak from the world, and f the world listens to them. 6We are from God. g Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know h the Spirit of truth and i the spirit of error. — Anonymous

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. — W.C. Fields

I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky. — W.C. Fields

I turned on my heel and left her, exasperated that even as I worked my fingers to the bone to liberate women from our cloth chains, our minds remained as closed as ever to the possibility that we might deserve more than a husband, children, and growing old cooking sausage. — C.W. Gortner

I like children - fried. — W.C. Fields

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner. — W.C. Fields

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine — W.C. Fields

I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it. — W.C. Fields

I like children. If they're properly cooked. — W.C. Fields

I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either. — W.C. Fields

I wanted to come to Washington, D.C. and help be a transformative President. And I think history, when they look back, will say this is a fellow who knew how to make decisions, and made some tough ones, stood by them, wasn't driven by the latest opinion poll, but was driven by some core principles from which he would not deviate. — George W. Bush

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. — W.C. Fields

I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin. — W.C. Fields

I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew. — W.C. Fields

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night. — W.C. Fields

The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water. — W.C. Fields

Even a bad review is still a review. It means someone cared enough to take the time to say: Hey, this sucks. Don't bother. Buy a DVD instead ... Yes, someone cared. And isn't that what every writer dreams of? ... So, how did I deal with bad reviews? How else? I cry. I get mad. I pretend not to care. Then I pour myself a glass of wine and call a friend to complain. — C.W. Gortner

Never mind what I told you
you do as I tell you. — W.C. Fields

The world and those who dwell therein, 2 for he has w founded it upon x the seas and established it upon the rivers. 3 y Who shall ascend the hill of the LORD? And who shall stand in his z holy place? 4 a He who has b clean hands and c a pure heart, who does not d lift up his soul to e what is false and does not swear deceitfully. 5 He will receive f blessing from the LORD and g righteousness from h the God of his salvation. 6 Such is i the generation of those who seek him, who j seek the face of the God of Jacob. [2] Selah 7 k Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient — Anonymous

The first letter was a "w," the second an "e." Then there was a gap. An "a" followed, then a "p," an "o," and an "l." Marvin paused for a rest. After a few moments they resumed and let him see the "o," the "g," the "i," the "z," and the "e." The next two words were "for" and "the." The last one was a long one, and Marvin needed another rest before he could tackle it. It started with "i," then "n," then "c." Next came an "o" and an "n," followed by a "v," an "e," another "n," and an "i." After a final pause, Marvin gathered his strength for the last stretch. He read the "e," the "n," the "c," and at last the final "e," and staggered back into their arms. — Douglas Adams

I admire you. You have learned to rise with the wind, rather than fight it. Too many people struggle to become what is expected of them, when, as we both know, what is expected of us is rarely what we desire. — C.W. Gortner

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter. — W.C. Fields

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. — George W. Bush

I fear I lose myself among books. I forget everything. — C.W. Gortner

I'd like to see Paris before I die ... Philadelphia will do. — W.C. Fields

Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise. — W.C. Fields

I was married once
in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad. — W.C. Fields

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42. — W.C. Fields

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. — W.C. Fields

For this gospel I was appointed w a herald, apostle, and teacher, x 12 and that is why I suffer y these things. But I am not ashamed, because I know the One I have believed in and am persuaded that He is able to guard what has been entrusted to me C, z until that day. a — Anonymous

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. — W.C. Fields

If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it. — W.C. Fields

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do. — W.C. Fields

I am sure no other civilization, not even the Romans, has showed such a vast proportion of ignominious and degraded nudity, and ugly, squalid dirty sex. Because no other civilization has driven sex into the underworld, and nudity to the W.C. — D.H. Lawrence

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. — W.C. Fields

Know what I think?" said Perry. "I think there must be something wrong with
us. To do what we did."'
"Did what?"
"Out there."
Dick dropped the binoculars into a leather case, a luxurious receptacle initialed
H. W. C. He was annoyed. Annoyed as hell. Why the hell couldn't Perry shut up? Christ
Jesus, what damn good did it do, always dragging the goddam thing up? It really was
annoying. Especially since they'd agreed, sort of, not to talk about the goddam thing.
Just forget it.
"There's got to be something wrong with somebody who'd do a thing like that,"
Perry said.
"Deal me out, baby," Dick said. "I'm a normal." And Dick meant what he said.
He thought himself as balanced, as sane as anyone - maybe a bit smarter than the
average fellow, that's all. But Perry - there was, in Dick's opinion, "something wrong"
with Little Perry. — Truman Capote

Since fortune was dragging its heels, I would lure it out with my hard work. — C.W. Gortner

I care for you, darling, I love you,
the only reason I fucked L. is because you fucked
Z. and then I fucked R. and you fucked N.
and because you fucked N. I had to fuck
Y. But I think of you constantly, I feel you
here in my belly like a baby, love I'd call it,
no matter what happens I'd call it love, and so
you fucked C. and then before I could move
you fucked W., so I had to fuck D. But
I want you to know that I love you, I think of you
constantly, I don't think I've ever loved anybody
like I love you. — Charles Bukowski

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either. — W.C. Fields

Archaeology, I found, comprehended all manner of excitement and achievement. Adventure is coupled with bookish toil. Romantic excursions go hand in hand with scholarly self-discipline and moderation. Explorations among the ruins of the remote past have carried curious men all over the face of the earth ... Yet in truth, no science is more adventurous than archaeology, if adventure is thought of as a mixture of spirit and deed. — C. W. Ceram

Was it worth it?" she sighed "I have found it is always worth fighting for what we believe in, regardless of the outcome. Risk is never without consequence. — C.W. Gortner

Now we Democrats, well, we're all for higher taxes, right? But man do we hate to pay those taxes, and most of the politicians I worked for took advantage of every tax loophole they could find, and if they couldn't find it, they'd just legislate one out of thin air. That's the D.C. way. Tax policy is a means to buy votes, but at the end of the day, we all share in a mutual disdain for government. It's — D.W. Ulsterman

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. — W.C. Fields

I heard somebody say, 'Where's (Nelson) Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas.
George W. Bush, on the former South African president, who is still very much alive, Washington, D.C., Sept. 20, 2007 — George W. Bush

It's what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent. — W.C. Fields

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. — W.C. Fields

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California. — George W. Bush

Though I strived for spiritual and physical unity in all of Spain, I believed a truly great country, one that would endure for centuries, must be built on the foundation of a literate and well-rounded society. — C.W. Gortner

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives ... But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax. — W.C. Fields

First I went to C.W. Post and I was a psychology and theater major and then I transferred to NYU's Tisch School of the Arts as a drama major. — John Leguizamo

analysis (Reynolds and Smith 1994), I have composited the SSTA changes following the three equatorial types of WWEs (W, C and E), between 1986 and 1998. These changes were compared — Anonymous

C.-C.: Tell me frankly, Kitty, don't you think people make a lot of unnecessary fuss about love?
LADY KITTY: It's the most wonderful thing in the world.
C.-C.: You're incorrigible. Do you really think it was worth sacrificing so much for?
LADY KITTY: My dear Clive, I don't mind telling you that if I had my time over again I should be unfaithful to you, but I should not leave you. — W. Somerset Maugham

Here lies W.C.Fields. I'd rather be living in Philadelphia. — W.C. Fields

I never drink water ... fish f**k in it. — W.C. Fields

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water. — W.C. Fields

THE CHRISTIAN ALPHABETS
A = AMEN
B = BAPTISM
C = CHRISTIAN
D = DISCIPLE
F = FELLOWSHIP
G = GOD
H = HOLY SPIRIT
I = INSPIRATION
J = JESUS CHRIST
K = KINGDOM
L = LOVE
M = MODERATION
N = NEW BIRTH
O = OBEDIENCE
P = PRAYER
Q = QUIET TIME
R = RIGHTEOUSNESS
S = SALVATION
T = TESTIMONY
U = UNDERSTANDING
V = VISION
W = WISDOM
X = XMAS
Y = YEA & AMEN
Z = ZION
BY : ADEWALE OSUNSAKIN — Osunsakin Adewale

The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature ... no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike. — W.C. Fields

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate all people equally. — W.C. Fields

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. — W.C. Fields

I'm not the expert on how the Iraqi people think, because I live in America, where it's nice and safe and secure.
George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004 — George W. Bush

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. — W.C. Fields

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. — W.C. Fields

MATTHEW 18. t At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" 2And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them 3and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you u turn and v become like children, you w will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 x Whoever humbles himself like this child is the w greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 y "Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, 6but z whoever causes one of these a little ones who believe in me to sin, [1] it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Temptations to Sin 7"Woe to the world for b temptations to sin! [2] c For it is necessary that temptations come, d but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! — Anonymous

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. — W.C. Fields

W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. 'I'm looking for a loop-hole,' he explained. — W.C. Fields

I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse. — W.C. Fields

Until I began sitting, it had never occurred to me that one could learn, with practice, to distinguish between attention, or awareness, and its objects. But just this is the central and most basic technique of meditation in all the yogic traditions of India, first described some 2,500 years ago in the Upanishads. In those ancient texts, the meditator is instructed to observe literally every element of experience from afar, to simply bear witness to anything and everything that arises and passes away before the mind's eye. That's it. Just sit there, without moving, and watch, allowing the focal point of identity to shift from the — C.W. Huntington Jr.

I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness. — W.C. Fields

According to tradition, the originator of Taoism, Lao-tzu, was an older contemporary of Kung Fu-tzu, or Confucius, who died in 479 B.C.1 Lao-tzu is said to have been the author of the Tao Te Ching, a short book of aphorisms, setting forth the principles of the Tao and its power or virtue (Te e). But traditional Chinese philosophy ascribes both Taoism and Confucianism to a still earlier source, to a work which lies at the very foundation of Chinese thought and culture, dating anywhere from 3000 to 1200 B.C. This is the I Ching, or Book of Changes. — Alan W. Watts