Vanzant Quotes & Sayings

All things are lessons that God would have us learn. — Iyanla Vanzant

Life doesn't actually knock you down. It does, however, provide you with many opportunities to evaluate your standing in life: what you stand on, what you stand for, how you stand within yourself and for yourself. — Iyanla Vanzant

Even though there is a part of me holding on to the belief that I am now, have always been, and will always be unworthy, I am still willing to love and accept myself. — Iyanla Vanzant

When do you feel most loved? Are you willing to be loved today? Self-love is the magnet that attracts deep and profound expressions of love from others — Iyanla Vanzant

Very often we claim to know something. We get an idea about what to do or not do, yet, for some reason our behavior doesn't change. At times, we just can't seem to do what we know. This is known as mental healing. Something has shifted in your thinking, but it has not reach the other levels of your being - the heart and the spirit. — Iyanla Vanzant

Self-worth is an understanding on the intellectual level, trusting at the heart level, and accepting at the soul level that you are worthy just because you believe that you are. Your worthiness is proven by your existence. Your breathing. The beating of your heart. Your mere presence is all that is needed to establish your worth. — Iyanla Vanzant

In my mind, marriage is a spiritual partnership and union in which we willingly give and receive love, create and share intimacy, and open ourselves to be available and accessible to another human being in order to heal, learn and grow. — Iyanla Vanzant

Parents are teachers, guides, leaders, protectors and providers for their children. — Iyanla Vanzant

Every day is your day if you claim it. If you wait for somebody else to make it for you, you're going to be disappointed. — Iyanla Vanzant

The road of life is strewn with the bodies of promising people. People who show promise, yet lack the confidence to act. People who make promises they are unable to keep. People who promise to do tomorrow what they could do today. Promising young stars, athletes, entrepreneurs who wait for promises to come true. Promise without a goal and a plan is like a barren cow. You know what she could do if she could do it, but she can't. Turn your promise into a plan. Make no promise for tomorrow if you are able to keep it today. And if someone calls you promising, know that you are not doing enough today. — Iyanla Vanzant

You are demonstrating to men that they can come back and get their kids. All of those fatherless sons and daddy-less daughters and the men who didn't know how to go back, you are demonstrating to the world that they can. — Iyanla Vanzant

Forgiveness leads to a shift in perception. It transforms the hurt into healing. — Iyanla Vanzant

The goal of life is not to win. It is to play the game with love. The rules of the game are: have a strong desire to win, believe that you are worthy of winning, have faith that you will win, and, as long as you are alive, never believe that the game is over. — Iyanla Vanzant

When you feel unprotected, unsupported and unprepared to take care of yourself, your insides will feel if you have been through a train wreck. The best way to describe this experience is that you are having a head on body collision between your wannabe and your can never be. — Iyanla Vanzant

Forgiveness is not an easy chore to undertake, nor is it for the weak. I forgive you, God, for leaving me out here to figure out all of this on my own. Yet forgiveness is the daily minimum requirement for a healthy, fulfilling, and meaningful life. I forgive my mind for believing that what was is what always has to be. — Iyanla Vanzant

Choice is a divine teacher, for when we choose we learn that nothing is ever put in our path without a reason. — Iyanla Vanzant

I've learned we all get exactly what we need, when we need it, in order to learn what God intends for us to know so we can be who God intends for us to be. — Iyanla Vanzant

I had to stop traveling alone because I missed so many planes. When somebody runs up to you in the airport and begins to tell you their life story, you can't say, 'Excuse me, boo,' as they're weeping on your bosom. — Iyanla Vanzant

What a blessing that God allows a life to come through your body, and then allows you to place that body in a body bag and take it out. I had to say that there's a magnificent something that God has for me to do, to give me that level of completion. That level of experience. It's unspeakable. — Iyanla Vanzant

Create what you want as opposed to being stuck in what you didn't have. — Iyanla Vanzant

This is probably one of the most difficult challenges any parent could face - learning to love the other parent enough to make the children first. — Iyanla Vanzant

I try not to set myself up as different or as a celebrity or special. I have a husband that can get on my nerves. I have kids that test my patience. I've got a cat I can't keep off the sofa. It's real. On a bad day, I'm reading 'Acts of Faith.' — Iyanla Vanzant

A wound needs air in order to heal. We must talk about and expose those things which have hurt or harmed us in some way. Our wounds need nurturing care in order to heal. If we are to nurture and heal, we must admit that the wounds exist. We must carefully do what is necessary to help ourselves feel better. — Iyanla Vanzant

When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else. — Iyanla Vanzant

When we want to move beyond the pain, when we want to feel better, when we are ready to move beyond where we are, emotionally and spiritually, we must forgive. — Iyanla Vanzant

If you are afraid to take a chance, take one anyway. What you don't do can create the same regrets as the mistakes you make. — Iyanla Vanzant

What keeps us from achieving our heart's desires is not anything outside of us, it's the conflict inside. — Iyanla Vanzant

Each of us was born to fulfill a divine purpose. As we open our hearts and minds to a new way of being, the purpose of our lives unfolds organically. — Iyanla Vanzant

If you want a real experience of serenity, look for the good. Affirm the good. Acknowledge the good. — Iyanla Vanzant

You will stumble at time, forget what you want, fall headfirst into your old habits and beliefs. Fear not! Always remember to be patient and loving with yourself and others because that is what God does all the time. — Iyanla Vanzant

Sitting alone, listening to the sound of your breath, the beating of your heart is a reminder that you are sacred and blessed. — Iyanla Vanzant

Stay in your car in your lane on your road in your world. Stay in your own lane. Don't be minding other people's spiritual business. Stay in your car. In your lane. On your road. In your world. — Iyanla Vanzant

Our beliefs are what create our experiences. As we change our beliefs, we alter our perception, our version of reality. — Iyanla Vanzant

Well the beauty of 'Iyanla: Fix My Life' is that men are in every show. To our surprise, some of the deepest healing demonstrations have been with the men - the sons, the fathers, the husbands - because they agree to participate with the wife or the daughter or whatever it is we are looking at, and it is there. — Iyanla Vanzant

When you're the strong one, people don't give you permission to hurt. — Iyanla Vanzant

Criticism does not make you smarter or better than the one you are criticizing. In fact, the stuff you are critical of in others is the same stuff you don't like about yourself. — Iyanla Vanzant

WE [black women] HAVE ADAPTED TO A SOCIETY THAT DOES'NT HONOR US. — Iyanla Vanzant

We think we have to do something to be grateful or something has to be done in order for us to be grateful, when gratitude is a state of being. — Iyanla Vanzant

When you are open to receive what God is able to do for you, you stop doing. You learn how to "Be still and know!" You know that your good is on the way, according to God's nature and willingness to give. You also put your faith in the fact that God is always on time. — Iyanla Vanzant

Your greatest adversary is also your greatest teacher. Like it or not, it is the job of certain people to bring out the worst in you. What they trigger is already in you. They are here to reveal the sore, tender wounded places in your heart and mind, and they are providing you with a wonderful and divine opportunity for healing. — Iyanla Vanzant

My purpose is to teach and demonstrate what is possible. To demonstrate love of God and good. Remember what my role is as a woman: to be ... good. My role as a mother: to teach, support and nurture my offspring. My role as a grandmother: to remind everybody - right where you are, God is. — Iyanla Vanzant

When a thing has served its purpose, it will go away. Sometimes it will break. At other times, it will simply die off. Then, there are those times when for no reason, it will simply fall apart. If you try to hold on to something that has already fulfilled its purpose in your life, you are going to hurt yourself. If holding on is disturbing your peace of mind, it makes sense to let it go. — Iyanla Vanzant

You're never healing the level you're on. You're always healing the level you came from. For example, you know things today that you didn't know in your first marriage. — Iyanla Vanzant

We live in a society where we're not taught how to deal with our weaknesses and frailties as human beings. We're not taught how to speak to our difficulties and challenges. We're taught the Pythagorean theorem and chemistry and biology and history. We're not taught anger management. We're not taught dissolution of fear and how to process shame and guilt. I've never in my life ever used the Pythagorean theorem! — Iyanla Vanzant

What will support any relationship is clear, complete and conscious conversations when upsets or breakdowns occur. — Iyanla Vanzant

Until you are willing to accept total and complete responsibility for every aspect of your life, your life will keep sending you experiences designed to get your attention. — Iyanla Vanzant

One thing that prevents a man from being a good father is he hasn't completed being a boy. — Iyanla Vanzant

I want to go as far as it will take me. I would love to go pro, but if that doesn't happen, I am a gourmet chef and would like to open my own restaurant. — Paige VanZant

Life will let you get away with something for a while, but sooner or later, you will pay the price. Everything you do in life causes the effects that you experience. When you get the bill, be prepared to pay. — Iyanla Vanzant

Choice is our point of power. — Iyanla Vanzant

If you don't like your sister or don't get along with your father, let's find out if you like yourself. Let's not sugarcoat anything about it. — Iyanla Vanzant

When you do not trust yourself, what you feel, and what you know, you will expect people to be who they are not. You will hope against hope that they will do things you already know they cannot do. You will expect them to be who you want them to be rather than trusting what you know about who they are and what they are capable of doing. This is not trust. This is magical thinking, and engaging in it will set you up for a big letdown. Trusting yourself is important when dealing with others because it protects you from repeated violations and devastating heartbreaks. — Iyanla Vanzant

Stop chasing things that are beneath the truth of who you are. Stop holding on to things and people that weigh you down. Stop behaving in ways that don't honor the divinity and nobility within you. — Iyanla Vanzant

You work for God Incorporated. — Iyanla Vanzant

Judgment is harsh and mean and meant to hurt, as if the pain of what we do or say will slap others into our way of believing. — Iyanla Vanzant

I had no preconceived idea what fame would be like, because I never thought I would be famous. I just wanted to do my work. Hell, I just wanted to pay my rent on time. — Iyanla Vanzant

We're all in prison. All of us are in prison, but some of us have a key. — Iyanla Vanzant

Tell your story because your story will heal you and it will heal someone else. — Iyanla Vanzant

We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. — Iyanla Vanzant

Till your mental soil with determination. Fertilize your emotional soil with positive words. And plant the seed of your heart's desire with your disciplined efforts. — Iyanla Vanzant

Everything is just as it needs to be. And if we would forgive, our minds and hearts would open and we could see another possibility. — Iyanla Vanzant

Pain is pain, hurt is hurt, fear is fear, anger is anger, and it has no color. — Iyanla Vanzant

Planning is the only way to keep yourself on track. Plan your moments to be joyous. Plan your days to be filled with peace. Plan your life to be an experience of growth. When you know where you are going, the universe will clear a path for you. — Iyanla Vanzant

As people, we have forgotten to be people. We know how to be doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers, we know what to do, we know what to buy, but how do I just sit with you in your pain? How do I sit with you in your vulnerability and not betray you, not abuse you? We do not know how to do that, even in our homes. — Iyanla Vanzant

You cannot get to where you are going until you have learned all there is to learn about where you are. — Iyanla Vanzant

We set the standard of how we want to be treated. Our relationships are reflections of the relationships we have with ourselves. — Iyanla Vanzant

Thinking is the problem. Thinking is hazardous to your progress in life. Don't think - feel. — Iyanla Vanzant

If you don't ask for what you need, the need will keep getting bigger. — Iyanla Vanzant

Until you make peace with your difficult memories, that pain will continue to bleed into your current and future experiences. — Iyanla Vanzant

You cannot make your life move faster than it's moving. No matter how urgent your situation may seem to be, things are going to happen when they happen, not a minute sooner. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with others. Be patient with life. Patience always pays off. — Iyanla Vanzant

You can't look outside of yourself. You must look within yourself, and address all of the things that are going on within you, and clear out the things that are not useful. Whether it's fear or anger or shame or guilt or whatever it is - clean that stuff up. — Iyanla Vanzant

The way we do one thing is the way we do everything. — Iyanla Vanzant

It's important that we share our experiences with other people. Your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else. When you tell your story, you free yourself and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story — Iyanla Vanzant

Love is what you are, not what you give or get! — Iyanla Vanzant

If you see crazy coming, cross the street! — Iyanla Vanzant

I'm the person that I always was, but in terms of how I approach my living, I'm not the same person at all. At all. I've buried a child, I've ended a marriage, and the grandson that I was raising is now grown. My family has totally shifted. — Iyanla Vanzant

Never judge your clarity based on someone else's response. — Iyanla Vanzant

Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change. — Iyanla Vanzant

Transformation doesn't have to be deep, dark and mysterious. If you screw up, fine - laugh at yourself, learn and move on. — Iyanla Vanzant

What we eventually uncovered was that I was afraid - afraid to ask for what I wanted, afraid to speak up for myself, afraid that I didn't have what it took to do what I really wanted to do. In response to my fears, I blamed other people for what I considered their failure to acknowledge me. The conversation didn't stop there. — Iyanla Vanzant

Be willing to share all of who you are. So many of us want a partner, but we're not willing to show all of us. — Iyanla Vanzant

We go into a relationship looking for love, not realizing that we must bring love with us. We must bring a strong sense of self and purpose into a relationship. We must bring a sense of value, of who we are. We must bring an excitement about ourselves, our lives, and the vision we have for these two essential elements. We must bring a respect for wealth and abundance. Having achieved it to some satisfactory degree on our own, we must move into relationships willing to share what we have, rather than being afraid of someone taking it. — Iyanla Vanzant

It's time for you to move, realizing that the thing you are seeking is also seeking you. — Iyanla Vanzant

I've always told the truth. I think that's been part of the foundation of my career. I don't put myself above people. I don't put myself different than people. And I, for one, know that none of us is immune. — Iyanla Vanzant

When you need to be loved, you take love wherever you can find it. When you are desperate to be loved, feel love, know love, you seek out what you think love should look like. When you find love, or what you think love is, you will lie, kill, and steal to keep it. But learning about real love comes from within. It cannot be given. It cannot be taken away. It grows from your ability to re-create within yourself, the essence of loving experiences you have had in your life. — Iyanla Vanzant

I gave myself permission to feel and experience all of my emotions. In order to do that, I had to stop being afraid to feel. In order to do that, I taught myself to believe that no matter what I felt or what happened when I felt it, I would be okay. — Iyanla Vanzant

Step into this moment, because it is the only one you have right now. It is not wasted or thrown away. The divine opportunity could be stolen unless you tell yourself it is here right now; available to you this moment, to make of it anything you choose. Why not choose this moment, right now, to be available to yourself by declaring, I AM GOOD! ... The richness of the present is here. The fullness of now is present. If you are not here now, it means you could be missing the love, joy, peace and brand-new ideas that are here right now. — Iyanla Vanzant

Crying purifies and cleanses. I once read about a scientific experiment which demonstrated that there are 38 toxic chemicals in a tear of sadness, while only one toxin exists in a tear of joy. As you cry in sadness, fear, or confusion, you cleanse the body and spirit of toxins which cloud the mind and prevent it from accepting the truth. — Iyanla Vanzant

Spirituality is a journey inward that connects the Self to yourself. When you know who you are from the inside out, when you do what you sense is right for you, when your thoughts lead you to actions that serve others as well as make you feel good, then you have encountered spirituality. — Iyanla Vanzant

Everyone is always looking for their beloved. Well, why can't you be your own beloved? Fall in love with yourself. — Iyanla Vanzant

Whether at work, at home or in public, we have been trained to believe that who we are at the core of our being is often unacceptable. As a result, we work diligently to live up to - and sometimes down to - what others have made us out to be, whether or not it is an accurate reflection of who we are. — Iyanla Vanzant

I like the wrestling and executing the throws. My dad was a wrestler and he showed me some of those techniques, too. — Paige VanZant

A man can't be in the space where there is feminine rage and bitterness. He doesn't know how to navigate it. — Iyanla Vanzant

Joy is what we are, not what we must get. Joy is the realization that all we want or need in life has been etched into our souls. Joy helps us see not what we are "going through," but what we are "growing to"-a greater sense of understanding, accomplishment, and enlightenment. Joy reveals to us the calm at the end of the storm, the peace that surpasses the momentary happiness of pleasure. If we keep our minds centered on joy, joy becomes a state of mind. — Iyanla Vanzant

I knew all of the childhood prayers I uttered on my knees at the side of my bed. Many years of Sunday-school attendance had etched certain Psalms and rote prayers into the fibers of my brain. However, somewhere deep inside of me, I had the secret belief that I did not know how to pray, and that frightened me. — Iyanla Vanzant

Once we become aware of our issues and challenges, we become accountable to do something about it. — Iyanla Vanzant

Today I am devoted to addressing all the little things about me and in my life that I have not mastered! — Iyanla Vanzant

It is not your duty or responsibility to change the minds of other people. The nature of their thinking is advanced or limited by their experience. In your presence, they have an opportunity to learn about you and, perhaps, to grow. — Iyanla Vanzant

We make our days pleasant or miserable. If we insist on being miserable, irritable and nasty, more than likely the day will give us exactly what we give it. A day is too valuable to waste on misery and unhappiness. — Iyanla Vanzant

If someone has offended you, insulted you, or disappointed you, let it go! If you are remembering all the ways you have been hurt or forgotten, let it go! Ask yourself, what good does it do for me to hold on to this? — Iyanla Vanzant