Valentines Funny Quotes & Sayings

I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body. — Dion Boucicault

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. — Albert Einstein

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? — Dorothy Parker

It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves. — John Bulwer

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. — Courteney Cox

Function reforms form, perpetually. — Stewart Brand

Sex, unlike justice, should not be seen to be done. — Evelyn Laye

The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.' — George Lopez

Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all. — Jimmy Fallon

Our work is not to become a better person, but to become present to the perfection we already are. — Allan Lokos

Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago! — Greg Giraldo

Courage becomes a worthwhile and meaningful virtue when it is regarded not so much as a willingness to die manfully but as a determination to live decently. — Thomas S. Monson

Was I wrong to feel like it was worth the pain later for some happiness now, no matter how temporary it may be? — Mia Sheridan

It is a though he is spreading a veil of protectiveness over me, and I am greedy for it. — Kathleen Glasgow

I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore! — Mike Birbiglia

Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter. — Martha Stewart

Mathematics is the study of analogies between analogies. All science is. Scientists want to show that things that don't look alike are really the same. That is one of their innermost Freudian motivations. In fact, that is what we mean by understanding. — Gian-Carlo Rota

Maybe I think you're cute and funny. Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you, if you know what I mean. — Ingrid Michaelson

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. — Santosh Kalwar

Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone. — Lewis Black

Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!' — Russ Meneve

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. — David Letterman

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything. — Jon Stewart

Love is just a chocolate substitute. — Melanie Clark Pullen

Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old. — Stephen Colbert

Unless the object of the singer's affection is a vampire, surely what Hart means is unphotogenic. Only vampires are unphotographable, but affectionate '-enic' rhymes are hard to come by. — Stephen Sondheim

I didn't know what I was gonna get the first time I sat down at a piano, but I loved it and it became my playmate for life. — Buffy Sainte-Marie

I have a dream, and a plan, to combine the commercial possibilities of Valentine's Day with the substance and meaning of black history month. I call it: Blackentine's Day. — Mo Rocca

Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion. — Honore Gabriel Riqueti, Comte De Mirabeau