Unicorn Quotes & Sayings

I found the hum of his computer rather soothing, but it was the complete lack of unicorn carcasses that really pulled the room together. — Diana Peterfreund

Okay," I said slowly, "but what the hell would you mate a horse with to get a unicorn, because I don't see horses and narwhales doing the dirty boogie. — Jonathan Maberry

We were born in the '70s, back when twins were rare, a bit magical: cousins of the unicorn, siblings of the elves. — Gillian Flynn

Every time people give me presents, it just makes trouble."
He thought of his Naming Day party, and the gift from his Uncle Alfrin that had actually started all this. "Especially if it's books. Someone gave me a book as a present once."
"Then you'll know exactly what to do with these. Come on. Don't be shy. You'll hurt my feelings. — Mercedes Lackey

Is there a God? Who knows? Is there an angry unicorn on the dark side of the moon? — Edward Abbey

Whatever can die is beautiful - more beautiful than a unicorn, who lives forever, and who is the most beautiful creature in the world. Do you understand me? — Peter S. Beagle

A unicorn is nothing more than a big horse that comes to a point, anyway. Nothing to get so excited about. — Terry Pratchett

The only better thing than a unicorn, is a gay unicorn. — Lady Gaga

I looked down at the unicorn."Why didn't you tell me you could talk?"
"Didn't seem like the right time." He waggled his chin at me. "Besides, this way I could look at your ta-tas without you caring. Hubba hubba." His lips smacked.
-brush of darkness — Allison Pang

Why did they go away, do you think? If there ever were such things."
"Who knows? Times change. Would you call this age a good one for unicorns?"
"No, but I wonder if any man before us ever thought his time a good time for unicorns. — Peter S. Beagle

So you can sense her aura and stuff, right?" Kail asked as he got to his feet. "So anything I say about her not being a unicorn-- — Patrick Weekes

Am I really standing here, conversing with a bloody unicorn? Tiffy was certain her mind had finally left the building. — T.J. Loveless

Unicorns are real and emo is imaginary. — Mikey Way

The truth is, truly passionate media creators don't get into the media business to make huge gains from spectacular unicorn exits. When it happens, we certainly all cheer (and perhaps secretly hope it happens to us). But the fact is, we make media because we don't know what else to do with ourselves. It's how we're wired, so to speak. — John Battelle

it is a monstrous thing, to slay a unicorn — J.K. Rowling

Unicorns know naught of shame, or need, or doubt, or debt;
But mortals, as you may have noticed, take what they can get. — Peter S. Beagle

He held out his elbow in a disingenuously gentlymanly gesture.
"How about we go and have some real fun?"
"What,shattering my one remaining fantasy wasn't enough?" Faeries didn't have wings and bordered on evil; pixies were dirty,feral, and tended to bite' and mermaids had neither glorious hair nor seashell bras. Now this about unicorns. Sometimes reality sucked.
"You can always chase the unicorn, if you want.Take it for a ride."
I shuddered at the thought and sat down, leaning my back against the tree and unzipping my coat. "No,thanks. — Kiersten White

Holly: Seriously, you don't like unicorns? What kind person doesn't like unicorns?
Justine: What kind of a person doesn't like zombies? What have zombies ever done to you?
Holly: Zombies shamble. I disapprove of shambling. And they have bits that fall off. You never see a unicorn behaving that way.
Justine: I shamble. Bits fall off me all the time: hair, skin cells. Are you saying you disapprove of me? — Holly Black

'Unicorn Island' is the synonym for my happy place. It's a really beautiful message: that happiness is one of the hardest things you'll ever fight for, but it's the only thing worth fighting for. — Lilly Singh

I didn't love stickers and unicorns and stuff, but just if I were to ride on the back of a beast to work, I want it to be a frickin' unicorn. — Laura Benanti

Me? Crazy? I should get down off this unicorn and slap you — Unknown

I've always loved reading fantasy. I used to pick out all the books in the library that had the little unicorn sticker on the side to show that they were fantasy. — Maggie Stiefvater

Jewel the Unicorn] cried.- I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this ... Come further up, come further in! — Randy Alcorn

Three seconds before the arrival of J.B. Hobson's letter I no more thought of pursuing the unicorn than of attempting the passage of the North Sea. Three seconds after reading the letter of the honorable Secretary of Marine, I felt that my true vocation, the sole end of my life, was to chase this disturbing monster and purge it from the world. — Jules Verne

Advice to Young Poets
Never pretend
to be a unicorn
by sticking a plunger on your head. — Martin Espada

You are here because Fate invited you. You cannot go back the way you came. I suggest you go forward instead. — Emigh Cannaday

Don't be something you're not. Unless you can be a fabulous unicorn. Always be a fabulous unicorn. — PewDiePie

There's a unicorn in there bin hurt badly by summat. This is the second time in a week. I found one dead last Wednesday. We're gonna try an' find the poor thing. We might have ter put it out of its misery." "And what if whatever hurt the unicorn finds us first?" said Malfoy, unable to keep the fear out of his voice. — J.K. Rowling

When someone told me I live in a fantasy land, I nearly fell off my unicorn. — Unknown

...as vivid and fabulous as a unicorn... — Anne Rivers Siddons

I know, and I do trust you, but when you said it was a surprise I thought you meant 'Here, Luce. I got you a unicorn.' not 'Here, Luce, jump in the river. — Jay McLean

I really am a unicorn?' I asked again.

'You think Janis and I escaped from an asylum, don't you?' she teased.

'I hope you're not,' I said, horrified at the thought of being turned into a lunatic like them. — Deepika Kumaaraguru

The moon was gone, but to the magician's eyes the unicorn was the moon, cold and white and very old, lighting his way to safety, or to madness. — Peter S. Beagle

So this is what it's about? This is your mature response to go off into the mountains rather than talking about it and have s'mores with a gnome and a mountain man."
"Yep"
"What's your plan for tomorrow? Brunch with a unicorn? — Ilona Andrews

I briefly considered giving the Myerson kids the same lecture I'd given the other first graders on the playground:
Unicorns are man-eating monsters. They don't have wings, they aren't lavender or sparkly, and you could never catch one to ride without its goring you through the sternum. And even if it somehow managed to miss your major arteries - and it never missed - you'd still die from the deadly poison in its horn. But don't worry. My great-great-great-great-great-great-aunt Clothilde killed the last one a hundred and fifty years ago.
Except now I guessed it would be more like a hundred and sixty. How time doth fly in a unicorn-free world. — Diana Peterfreund

Earthquakes were extremely uncommon in this area. A dragon and a unicorn playing tag wasn't. — Robert Asprin

Still, these days when I daydream about the movie, I don't think about the big picture. It's more fun for me to think of little things that would add to the movie. I like to think the powers that be would let me amuse myself with some small things in order to shut me up while they re-write the screenplay to turn Kvothe into a lesbian, shape-changing unicorn.
— Patrick Rothfuss

The minute that you bring a unicorn into a story, you know that it's a fairy tale or a fable, because unicorns don't exist as animals. They exist as fantasy creatures. — Gloria Vanderbilt

Glaring at the unicorn silhouette, she decided she hated coincidences. Or cosmic signs. Whichever it was. She felt as if the universe were laughing at her. — Sarah Beth Durst

An impressionistic map of the South China Sea has been dashed across these covers by molecularly reconstructed Ming Dynasty calligraphers using brushes of combed unicorn mane dipped into ink made of grinding down charcoal slabs fashioned by blind stylite monks from hand-charred fragments of the True Cross. — Neal Stephenson

Laughing, Bracken threw his sword aside and extended a hand towards the wizard. "To me," he said ... The unicorn horn lept from the wizard's hand and streaked to Bracken, who caught it effortlessly. In his grasp the horn immediately transformed into a sword ... — Brandon Mull

If the unicorn does live among the snows held up forever on the line of the Equator then it is clear why the world should know so little about them. — Odell Shepard

Unicorn. Old French, unicorne. Latin, unicornis. Literally, one-horned: unus, one and cornu,a horn. A fabulous animal resembling a horse with one horn. — Peter S. Beagle

Another chunk of my childhood dreams had just run down the reality drain in the form of a horny unicorn, no less. — Allison Pang

There are no happy endings, because nothing ends. — Peter S. Beagle

You can paint it white and braid its mane, but at the end of the day, you can't turn an ass into a unicorn, no matter how much glitter and flowers you sprinkle on it. — Nicole Williams

If she had touched me," he said very softly, "I would have been hers and not my own, not ever again. I wanted her to touch me but I could not let her. No cat will. We let human beings caress us because it is pleasant enough and calms them - but not her. The price is more than a cat can pay. — Peter S. Beagle

The actual evidence concerning the Exodus resembles the evidence for the unicorn. — Baruch Halpern

I have been mortal, and some part of me is mortal yet. I am full of tears and hunger and the fear of death, although I cannot weep, and I want nothing, and I cannot die. I am not like the others now, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret. — Peter S. Beagle

Float like a butterfly, sting like a unicorn ;) — T.J. Klune

I could eat a unicorn and pick my teeth with his horn! I'm absolutely famished. — Amy Harmon

It is no shame to lose to me, mortal. Even among mythical creatures there are very few who can give a unicorn a good game. — Roger Zelazny

You could make friends with a possessed unicorn, couldn't you?"
"Probably so. We both fart rainbows. — Jamie Farrell

Truax had another marshmallow poised to go into his open mouth, but he froze after hearing Dale's outburst. "I don't think I like your attitude, Dale. Everyone is addicted to something. Drugs, power, sex. Might as well be to something wholesome, like these little sweet white puffs, made from 100% all natural unicorn poop." "That's not where marshmallows come from." Truax grabbed Dale by the shirt and pulled him against the cell bars. "Yes it is, damn you!" "Okay, okay! Marshmallows are unicorn poop! — Chris Genoa

I know exactly how you feel," Schmendrick said eagerly. The unicorn looked at him out of dark, endless eyes, and he smiled nervously and looked at his hands. "It's a rare man who is taken for what he truly is," he said. "There is much misjudgment in the world. Now I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so must I be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem, and hardly ever what we dream. Still I have read, or heard it sung, that unicorns when time was young, could tell the difference 'twixt the two - the false shining and the true, the lips' laugh and the heart's rue. — Peter S. Beagle

They were so comfy. But not anymore. Now I just want to burn them."
"Want to burn what?" Tom says, trudging into the kitchen, his hair all messy from sleeping.
"Her unicorn knickers," Elliot says.
"OK, clearly I'm still asleep and dreaming," Tom says, slumping down in a chair.
"So you're not actually naked in this video?" Dad says.
"Yep, definitely still dreaming. — Zoe Sugg

The mist hung in the air like a prancing unicorn. — Graham Joyce

This is the violet hour, the hour of hush and wonder, when the affectations glow and valor is reborn, when the shadows deepen along the edge of the forest and we believe that, if we watch carefully, at any moment we may see the unicorn. — Bernard DeVoto

Tirian, with his head against Jewel's flank, slept as soundly as if he were in his royal bed at Cair Paravel, till the sound of a gong beating awoke him and he sat up and saw that there was firelight on the far side of the stable and knew that the hour had come. "Kiss me, Jewel," he said. "For certainly this is our last night on earth. And if ever I offended against you in any matter great or small, forgive me now."
"Dear King," said the Unicorn, "I could almost wish you had, so that I might forgive it. Farewell. We have known great joys together. If Aslan gave me my choice I would choose no other life than the life I have had and no other death than the one we go to. — C.S. Lewis

The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game . The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving." No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn. And I have never had one. — Erica Jong

Can I ask you a question? You know with vampires and werewolves and goblins and things, is there any mythological creature that doesn't actually exist?"
"Of course," he replied. "The unicorn and the leprechaun would be would be the two main ones. The Loch Ness Monster isn't real, either, that's just someone called Bert. — Derek Landy

Gordian pays you to sleep with unicorn hunters. That's the definition of a whore. — Diana Peterfreund

Don't you love it that Prince doesn't use Twitter? Don't you think he's somewhere on a unicorn? — Bruno Mars

Yep. His epic good looks without succumbing to the adorable label had made him a man-unicorn in my mind. Or a merman. Or a Loch Ness Monstman. He was a mystical creature. — Penny Reid

If you want to write a fantasy story with Norse gods, sentient robots, and telepathic dinosaurs, you can do just that. Want to throw in a vampire and a lesbian unicorn while you're at it? Go ahead. Nothing's off limits. But the endless possibility of the genre is a trap. It's easy to get distracted by the glittering props available to you and forget what you're supposed to be doing: telling a good story. Don't get me wrong, magic is cool. But a nervous mother singing to her child at night while something moves quietly through the dark outside her house? That's a story. Handled properly, it's more dramatic than any apocalypse or goblin army could ever be. — Patrick Rothfuss

I was convinced that the Natural History Museum was missing only one thing: a unicorn. Well, a unicorn and a dragon. Also it was missing werewolves. (Why was there nothing about werewolves in the Natural History Museum? I wanted to know about werewolves.) There were vampire bats, but none of the better-dressed vampires on display , and no mermaids at all, not one - I looked - and as for griffins or manticores, they were completely out. — Neil Gaiman

My whole day has been a unicorn ride through a field of rainbows — Natalie D. Richards

FROM A WILD NIGHT'S BRIDE by Victoria Vane:
His gaze glued to the bed, Ned made a mechanical backward retreat to the center of the room where he had a clearer prospect of its crowning glory. His vision rose to the top of the headboard, to the heraldic shield seated betwixt the carved figures of a lion and a unicorn. His gaze slid with dread to the engraved scroll beneath. Dieu Et Mon Driot. God and my right, the motto of the king. His chest seized. The room began to spin. He looked to Phoebe, aware that the blood was draining from his face, and that his voice emerged as a strangled sound. "May the same God save me ... for I'm going to be hung, drawn, and quartered for spending last night rutting in the King of England's bed!" coming April 27, 2012 from Breathless Press — Emery Lee

When you're dying, the unicorn up in heaven gets a note from an angel telling her there's a person who's going to need a ride up soon. The unicorn finds out what the person likes. Favorite foods and books, colors and activities, pets and games. She gets a room ready for him, or her, near people who she knows they'll enjoy being with, maybe other friends and family who have died before.
When the unicorn is done, she jumps off of heaven's perch, flies through the blue sky, around the clouds, over any rainbows, and down to the person. She's invisible to everyone. She patiently waits. When the person dies, she gathers them up on her back, using her hooves and horn. All of a sudden, they sit up straight and smile, they laugh, because they're on top of a unicorn and alive again. They hold on tight to her golden reins and the unicorn takes them to their new home, where they're happy. — Cathy Lamb

No, something far more mysterious has taken Felix. He has heard the unicorn." Like a performer, the cat gave a dramatic pause.
"Um," said Lionheart.
"You have no idea what I'm talking about, have you?"
"No, sorry."
"Mortals," growled the cat. — Anne Elisabeth Stengl

I had a naked incubus in my bedroom. With a frying pan of half-cooked bacon, and a hard-on. And a unicorn bite on his ass. Christ, this was turning out to be a weird morning. — Allison Pang

The children were overwhelmingly morbid. Not a single adult asked me where butterflies go when they die, but this question was more popular than pixie sticks with the under-four-foot set. I cursed parents for not preparing their children. When I was five, my mother and sister sat me up on the kitchen counter and explained the facts of life: the Easter Bunny didn't exist, Elijah was God's invisible friend, with any luck Nana would die soon, and if I ever saw a unicorn, I should kill it or catch it for cash. I turned out okay. — Sloane Crosley

There's no unicorns that pop out the ceiling and no glitter that pops out of my pocket. It's just regular people in the studio doing what we do. — B.J. The Chicago Kid

The only thing that would make her jealous would be if I led a parade riding a unicorn while ballerinas sang love songs. — Brandon Mull

I had My Little Ponies. I was obsessed with the idea of a creature that was born with something magical that sort of made them the misfit in the world of the stallion. I'm actually quite obsessed with unicorns. They are in essence a mythical creature. The unicorn is born magical and it's not the unicorn's fault and it doesn't make it any more or less special or any less unique but it can't help that it was born with that magic. — Lady Gaga

You are obvious, boy. You are difficult to miss. If you came to me in company with a purple lion, a green elephant, and a scarlet unicorn astride which was the King of England in his Royal Robes, I do believe that it is you and you alone that people would stare at, dismissing the others as minor irrelevancies. — Neil Gaiman

Jack laughed at my attempts to avoid being felt up by a mythical beast. "Apparently you're a virgin."
"Shut up!Like that's any of your business!"
He shrugged,the motion less effective upside down."Unicorns love maidens. Haven't you done any research at all?"
"What,you have?"
He flipped off the branch,startling the unicorn so badly it bolted from the meadow. Thank heavens. — Kiersten White

Balance. It's like a unicorn; we've heard about it, everyone talks about it and makes airbrushed T-shirts celebrating it, it seems super rad, but we haven't actually seen one. I'm beginning to think it isn't a thing. — Jen Hatmaker

I don't like the tone of your voice. Speak respectfully when you speak to me."
"La-dee-da, and ho-ho-ho! The day I speak respectfully to you, Christopher, will be the day you earn my respect - and that will be the day you stand twelve feet high, and the moon is at noon, and a blizzard blows in a unicorn ridden by a gallant knight wearing pure white shining armor, with a green dragon's head
perched on the point of his lance! — V.C. Andrews

He is my unicorn, though ... That's how I felt falling in love with him, as if I'd found a creature of myth. — Rivka Galchen

That boy is sprung on you and he is a nice guy. A superhot, supersexy nice guy. Do you know how rare that is? He's like a goddamn unicorn. — Jay Crownover

He looked closely. It was very disconcerting to have your gay unicorn best friend studying your penis that intensely. Finally, he gave his verdict. "It's a very nice penis." "Thank — T.J. Klune

He is not a tame lion," said Tirian. "How should we know what he would do? We, who are murderers. Jewel, I will go back. I will give up my sword and put myself in the hands of these Calormenes and ask that they bring me before Aslan. Let him do justice on me."
"You will go to your death, then," said Jewel.
"Do you think I care if Aslan dooms me to death?" said the King. "That would be nothing, nothing at all. Would it not be better to be dead than to have this horrible fear that Aslan has come and is not like the Aslan we have believed in and longed for? It is as if the sun rose one day and were a black sun."
"I know," said Jewel. "Or as if you drank water and it were dry water. You are in the right, Sire. This is the end of all things. Let us go and give ourselves up."
"There is no need for both of us to go."
"If ever we loved one another, let me go with you now," said the Unicorn. "If you are dead and if Aslan is not Aslan, what life is left for me? — C.S. Lewis

Honey bear," the unicorn said. "You are the gayest thing I've seen since I last saw my own reflection. — T.J. Klune

The black unicorn was mistaken for a shadow or symbol and taken through a cold country where mist painted mockeries of my fury. — Audre Lorde

If the thirsty stag runs to the brook, it's only because he isn't aware of the cruel bow ... If the unicorn runs to its chaste nest, it's only because he doesn't see the noose prepared for him. — Deborah Harkness

Be realistic with your expectations. I'd really like to cuddle a unicorn, but it aint going to happen. — India Knight

A unicorn is a donkey from the future — Joe Rogan

You don't understand!' Foaly objected.
Trouble cut him off with a chop of his hand through the air. 'I never understand. That's why we pay you and your dork posse.
Foaly objected again. 'They are not dorks!'
Trouble found space for yet another holster. 'Really? That guy brings a Beanie Baby to work every day. And your nephew, Mayne, speaks fluent Unicorn.'
'They're not all dorks,' said Foaly, correcting himself. — Eoin Colfer

There was no moonlight between the trees, but the unicorn glimmered and shone with a pale light, like the moon, while the girl herself glittered and glowed as if she trailed a dust of lights. — Neil Gaiman

It's like finding a magical unicorn in a high school full of cattle. — Sara Farizan

She wasn't reading Deathly Hallows at all. Her book wasn't orange but rose and water and sand, and featured a kid on a broomstick and white unicorn. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. She didn't notice me staring at her. 'Oh, I envy you,' I thought, but was smiling for her. She had just begun. — Melissa Anelli

So quit looking for 'the one'. You have a better chance of finding an Oompa Loompa riding a unicorn, fighting Bigfoot. — Matt Chandler

Of all the various unpleasant ways to be aroused from a sound sleep, one of the worst is the noise of a dragon and a unicorn playing tag. Myth Conceptions by Robert Asprin — Robert Asprin

Don't watch Kroll Show if you don't have a Nielsen box. I honestly don't care. Feel free to DVR it and not watch it because that will somehow help my ratings maybe, but honestly I'm talking to the four of you with a Nielsen box. If you have a Nielsen box, like, who are you? Where do you live? How do I find you? You're a unicorn and I don't believe that you exist. — Nick Kroll

I've never really undestood," the unicorn mused as the man picked himself up," what you dream of doing with me, once you've caught me."
The man leaped again, and she slipped away from him like rain. "I don't think you know yourself," she said. — Peter S. Beagle

What is a unicorn without his horn?" (Antonella)
"A white horse?" (Adam)
Antonella smiled. "A very unhappy white horse. — Mark Mills

He knew what she wanted, and he wanted it, too; he was ready, but not, despite her gorgeousness, with Tiglah. Tiglah was not worth losing his ability to touch a unicorn. — Madeleine L'Engle

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget. — Eoin Colfer

Is there n-nothing you can do?" Parmida asked, wiping her tears away with the heel of her hand.
The unicorn laughed softly. "She asks for a boon after shooting me in the ass. — Ash Gray