Twitter Funny Quotes & Sayings

Don't think about the writing process too much. Just do one thing: tell the motherfucking story. — Don Roff

I usually stalk fans because I think they're really funny on Twitter. They don't know it, but I'll just go through their timelines, and if something is happening in the media, I always read fan accounts instead of the news because they have all the info and make the funniest jokes about it, so that's how I get my gossip - by stalking fans. — Gigi Hadid

I want to be known for my performances and doing my craft well, not for funny stuff I post on Twitter or whatever. — Billy Magnussen

When you're a woman, you have to work harder to get a laugh ... I follow so many hilarious women on Twitter. It's a daily reminder that women get to be funny. — Rainbow Rowell

I think it's funny how excited people can get about things I say that don't have anything to do with music. I made a disparaging comment about McDonald's on Twitter once and people flipped out on me. — Ron Pope

For me, Twitter works best as a way of taking pictures of being stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. If people really want to read really funny quips about life, parenting, and pop culture, then by all means read Michael Ian Black's tweets. — Michael Showalter

I love insults, devastating takedowns, things that could be described by Twitter hacks as 'shots fired,' and funny ad hominem attacks. — Alex Pareene

I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive. — E.A. Bucchianeri

Twitter's a lot of work! That's the first thing I would say. There's so much pressure to be funny. — Ari Graynor

Recently thought of deleting my Facebook account and start using twitter, but realized it's not easy. Facebook has become like the boyfriend I no longer like but scared to dump because I've invested so much time in the relationship. — Manasa Rao

Twitter's a funny one. I mean, it's good in some respects, but I can't stand it in other respects. You know there are too many opinions, people get opinions mixed up, and people get being rude mixed up with 'that's my opinion.' — Dionne Bromfield

I follow the most random people on Twitter. I follow famous people like Khloe Kardashian, who surprisingly makes really funny tweets all the time. — Chloe Grace Moretz

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it. — Bo Burnham

We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters. — Sandra Chami Kassis

I'm a sucker for Thought Catalog. Shelby Fero is really funny on Twitter. And Patton Oswalt, he's sort of like a Twitter throb. — Addison Timlin

A funny thing is that you can't search me on Twitter because Adam Levine dominates there. — Adam DeVine

Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted. — Andy Borowitz

I don't spend much time on Twitter. I joined because I found it funny. — Tahar Rahim

In the back of my mind, I'm composing a tweet to make this funny somehow. Hashtag #awkwardparentmoments. It would probably trend on Twitter. I want to laugh at this to make the whole situation less real. — Janet Gurtler

You know what's funny about the people who say mean things? There's a certain part of Twitter that is literally shouting into the void, and then sometimes when the void shouts back it's like, "Whoa! I wasn't expecting that. I got called out." And then if you have a conversation, you find out they like something or they like that or they have questions about that. — Alfred Gough

I was scrolling through my Twitter feed one day, and somebody had tweeted me a picture of Justin Bieber that had been Photoshopped with makeup or something. And I thought it was funny and so I hit retweet - I just retweeted a tweet - and all of a sudden, the remarks were coming in. — Drake Bell

I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality. — Aziz Ansari

I just recently joined Twitter. It's very positive - I love all the accolades. If my ego is hurting, I can just open my Twitter account and see 'Oh, I love you! I love the show!' and it's great. I'm trying to find the balance between trying to be funny, being honest and just being a promoter as the guy on 'Royal Pains.' — Mark Feuerstein

Watch what happens on Twitter. One thing leads to another very quickly. And in an ironic sense, even though it's such a democratic form of communication, there's a funny way in which it leads to a hardening of a conventional wisdom much more quickly than might happen if you were reflecting on it a little more. — Donald Verrilli Jr.

Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter ... with alliteration, no less! — E.A. Bucchianeri

#Twitter: proudly promoting ghastly grammar and silly misspelling since 2006. — E.A. Bucchianeri

Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude? — Robin Williams

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions. — Andy Borowitz

Twitter is the place where I try to be more funny. And then I use Instagram just as my diary. I pull some jokes on there, but I think people have a better sense of humor on Twitter. — Gigi Hadid

She chuckled to herself, pressed send, and wandered around the airport for half an hour, sporadically checking Twitter. "I got nothing," she told me. "No replies." I imagined her feeling a bit deflated about this - that sad feeling when nobody congratulates you for being funny, that black silence when the Internet doesn't talk back. — Jon Ronson

Jarod Kintz gets so many retweets, he's like Katniss Everdeen with tourettes in a forest full of Mockingjays. — Ryan Lilly

I'm a Twitter addict. Jose Andres is a serial tweeter. It's funny to see which chefs have embraced it, and the different paths they take. — Anthony Bourdain

Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ... — E.A. Bucchianeri

Twitter has the sustained ability to not get all touchy when I forget to "favorite" and thus had me at the first entirely inappropriate tweet flung my way. — Jennifer Harrison

I particularly like Twitter, because it's short and can be very funny and informative. It's a little bit like having your own radio program. — Margaret Atwood

You get weird, funny requests on Twitter. With our fan club, I was seeing a lot of fans were having some issue with the way the fan club tickets were being handled in one of the shows. So I was able to correspond with that fan, and be like, 'Listen, we'll be on it.' — Luke Bryan

Twitter, to me, works if you're funny. Twitter doesn't work as a promotional tool unless you do it very, very, very occasionally. — Albert Brooks

Some say Twitter is overrated.
Some love it, others hate it.
I guess it depends on what you've got,
If you have guts to write a funny plot! — Ana Claudia Antunes