Quotes & Sayings About The Restroom

One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all. — Zac Efron

I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s. — Dave Barry

to be a gentleman and look good out there in the world. you should have to use the restroom every day more than 10 minutes before you go present yourself out there to the world — Mino

I visited a new cultural center in Shanghai in 2005 that was pretty much perfect, except for the really badly translated Chinglish signs: a handicapped restroom that said 'Deformed Man's Toilet,' that kind of thing. — David Henry Hwang

Speaking of your eyeballs, dear brother,I overheard some girls talking about you in the restroom at the tournament hotel. Apparently rumor now has it that you won't allow anyone to see your eyes - ever. In fact, according to this knowledgeable source, you even sleep and shower with your glasses on in case someone unexpectedly walks in...one of them said she'd seen your eyes for herself two years ago and could only describe them as 'ferocious and roving,' and 'burning white-hot with a primal, raw wildness. — Elle Lothlorien

A white American can orbit the earth, but a black American can't enter a restroom. — Ken Follett

Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
"Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."
...
I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
"I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
"And ... " Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt. — Rick Riordan

In it not easy to remain rational and normal mentally in such a setting where, even in our airport in Montgomery, there is a white waiting room ... There are restroom facilities for white ladies and colored women, white men and colored men. We stand outside after being served at the same ticket counter instead of sitting on the inside. — Rosa Parks

Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership ... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial. — David Letterman

One of the clues that I chased was that Dan Cooper, whoever he was, found an old magazine story called "How to Leave Your Life." And followed the directions on how to leave your life, and just went to the beach one day with his wife and kids, and said he needed to go to the bathroom, and went to the restroom at the beach and never came home — Geoffrey Gray

Merlin seemed really relaxed and lackadaisical for a cat who had just transported through a public restroom into Magic Central and been met by a ghoul at the door. — Elizabeth A. Reeves

You know, I'm going to start thanking the woman who cleans the restroom in the building I work in. I'm going to start thinking of her as a human being. — Hillary Clinton

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door. — Marlo Thomas

Imagine what would have happened if you hadn't heard
her coming."
"Screw you," I growled, and grabbed his collar to drag
him out of the stall.
"In a public restroom, Ellie? Really? Didn't think you were
that kind of girl. — Courtney Allison Moulton

Annabeth looked at me. " We have to get out of here."
" You think I want to be in the girls' restroom?"
" I mean the ship, Percy! We have to get off the ship."
" Smells bad," Tyson agreed. " And dogs eat all the eggs. Annabeth is right. We must leave the restroom and the ship. — Rick Riordan

She stands under the hand dryers in the rest room, because she likes the feeling of wind whooshing through her hair, as though she's leaning her head out a car window on the highway, or like she's Superman, circling the Earth. How does the hand dryer know to start as soon as you stick your hands out? It's amazing, this, but the women in the restroom don't notice, and just stare, panicked, into the mirror, trying to work out what's wrong with them before anyone else does. — Brooke Davis

Writing about the indignities of old age: the daunting stairway to the restaurant restroom, the benefits of a wheelchair in airports and its disadvantages at cocktail parties, giving the user what he described as a child's-eye view of the party and a crotch-level view of the guests.
Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The aging process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous. — John Mortimer

Air travelers, of course, are famous for their hubris. They carry on too many bags and use the restroom when the seat-belt sign is on. — Meghan Daum

This quick foray onto the toilet has been no different an endeavor than any other time I've used the restroom in my adult life. Try then to imagine my surprise when instead of the waste going down the u-bend like the thousands of times previous, the bowl's contents go not gentle into that good night.
Instead, they shoot directly up at me ... at approximately 80 miles an hour.
As I leap backward, slamming into the glass shower door, the only thought going through my now-banged head is, When did I eat corn?
Pretty in Plaid: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending, Egomanical, Self-Centered Smart-Ass Phase — Jen Lancaster

I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode. — Erma Bombeck

The victim had been John Lewis, the theology student. He had been attacked by thugs in a white restroom in Rock Hill, South Carolina. — Ken Follett

With you away, it is as if all the letters in my life are scrambled into an anagram, and I will not be able to put all the letters in order and make sense of anything until you return. I never want to be apart from you again, Beatrice, except in the restroom, at work, and when one of us is at a movie that the other does not want to see. — Lemony Snicket

Our eyes collided as heat rushed up my arm. The tingling between my legs intensified, the need in my gut moaned with want. All I could see was Braden, all I could smell was Braden, and his body was so close I imagined I could almost feel all of his hard strength pressing against me. Right then I wanted nothing more than to pull him into the ladies restroom and let him screw me hard against the wall. — Samantha Young

I went to the entrance to the restroom, where the hallway did a sharp bend so nobody could peek into the girls' pee-palace. — Lilith Saintcrow

I was so distracted when walking out of the restroom that I hadn't noticed Rose standing nearby with Dimitri Belikov. They stood arm in arm, smiling at my surprise. I hadn't seen Dimitri tonight, and his black and white guardian attire told me why. He was on duty here and had undoubtedly been one of the shadows darting among the trees of the greenhouse, keeping a watch on everyone. He must be on break now because there was no way he'd be standing so casually here, even with Rose, otherwise. And really, "casual" for Dimitri meant he could still leap into battle at any moment.
They were a striking couple. His dark-haired, dark-eyed looks matched hers, and they were both dazzlingly attractive. It was no wonder Adrian had fallen for her, and I felt surprised at how uncomfortable that memory made me. Like Sonya and Mikhail, there was a bond of love between Rose and Dimitri and Rose that was almost palpable. — Richelle Mead

In the deserted men's restroom at the back of Middleton Community College, Sam Keller knelt on the tile, braced his hands against Keith Jameson's thighs, and broke his mother's heart. — Heidi Cullinan

I have a special pair of poop shoes under my desk. Whenever I need to drop a deuce, I slip them on and scurry to the restroom, and no one ever knows it's me. Like, if I'm wearing Louboutins that day, and my producer sees Earth shoes in the stall ... well, you get the idea. It was truly a lightbulb moment when that came to me. — Oprah Winfrey

One of the stall doors swings open and a fortyish-year-old woman walks out tucking her shirt into her jeans. Her heavy lined eyes land on Seth. "This is the women's restroom." She points a finger to the door. "Can't you read?"
"Can't you see that everyone in this club is about twenty years younger than you?" Seth retorts, turning to the mirror. With his pinkie, he messes with bangs. "Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to have some fun. — Jessica Sorensen

All we demand are the same rights as men, and slightly more stalls per restroom. And tampon machines. And those little things in the stalls so we can put our used tampons in them. And, okay, just go ahead and make the bathrooms out of tampons. — Susan B. Anthony

We'll get fired for tardiness, or for stealing merchandise and selling it on eBay, or for having a customer complain about the smell of alcohol on our breath, or for taking five thirty-minute restroom breaks per shift. We talk about the value of hard work but tell ourselves that the reason we're not working is some perceived unfairness: Obama shut down the coal mines, or all the jobs went to the Chinese. These are the lies we tell ourselves to solve the cognitive dissonance - the broken connection between the world we see and the values we preach. We — J.D. Vance

But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. — Tina Fey

The code of the road is, if there is anything to eat, eat; if there is a place to sit, sit; if there is a restroom, go. — Jessica Savitch

Either way, everything will be fine. But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. Everyone else does. — Tina Fey

I think. Therefore, I am. I think."
- Anonymous

I found this written in tiny letters in the grout between the wall tiles above a urinal in a restroom at the University of Washington, circa 1980. I don't know if Descartes would have approved but I thought it was brilliant. — Gary Val Tenuta

We are legion, an army of millions. Though most of us will go to any length to hide our compulsions, we recognize one another. The guy using a paper towel to turn the restroom doorknob, the child counting his eyelashes, the old man wearing Kleenex boxes for shoes - these are my brothers. We are a secret tribe. We're like Freemasons, except that our secret handshake is followed by a vigorous washing session. — Jennifer Traig

We don't have much time. Mel will be out of the restroom soon."
"You've got a magician named Mel? — Rick Riordan

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded. — Jeff Foxworthy

You meet the guy and tell me you aren't going to hide in a plane restroom and whisper when you complain about him. — Alessandra Torre

Then you're going to stay in that net until eternity comes to pass. (Sin)
Well, that's really intelligent, isn't it? What are you going to do? Put drinks on me or just use me as a conversation piece whenever friends come over? And let's not even think about what's going to happen when I need to use the restroom, shall we? I hope you have a standing order at Sofa Express. (Kat) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Changing clothes in a public restroom is an acquired skill, one that becomes an art when the bathroom floor hasn't been washed in a decade or more. — Seanan McGuire

And then he spoke the very first words he'd ever spoken to me. His deep, rich voice dissolved my bones. I almost responded with "Of course I'll have sex with you before you sacrifice me to your gods." Then I realized he'd asked me where the restroom was. — Darynda Jones

Don't you just hate it how people say 'I'm pressed' or 'I want to ease myself' when they want to go to the bathroom?" Doris asked. Ifemelu laughed. "I know!" "I guess 'bathroom' is very American. But there's 'toilet,' 'restroom,' 'the ladies.' " "I never liked 'the ladies.' I like 'toilet.' " "Me too!" Doris said. "And don't you just hate it when people here use 'on' as a verb? On the light!" "You know what I can't stand? When people say 'take' instead of 'drink.' I will take wine. I don't take beer." "Oh God, I know! — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Nothing smells worse than a mans restroom in a bar, well that's what the lady told me when I called her number from the wall. — Stanley Victor Paskavich

I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see. — Lemony Snicket

He had been humiliated and treated like the white trash he was. Under the bedsheet that hides the identity of every Ku Klux Klansman is a cretinous, vicious, and childlike human being whose last holdout is his whites-only restroom. — James Lee Burke

I found this bag of fireworks in the men's restroom. Would you guys like to light them off? — Danny McBride

that none of the locks on the toilet stalls in the common restroom worked. — Stuart Gibbs

Nico danced around like he needed to use the restroom. "Does Zeus really have lightning
bolts that do six hundred damage? Does he get extra movement points for - "
"Nico, shut up!" Bianca put her hands to her face. "This is not your stupid Mythomagic game,
okay? There are no gods! — Rick Riordan

The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises). — Rich Hall

I need to offer a sacred water sacrifice at the porcelain altar. — Pawan Mishra

Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together - this has nothing to do with your homophobic sexual preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek gods. — Daniel Tosh

And I'll be damned if I'm going to settle for a diet of moose and squirrels when this planet is swarming with tasty humans to consume." He became agitated now, balling his fists. "I am sick to death of eating moose and squirrel. I hate moose and squirrel!" Without taking her eyes off him, Dementia shouted in the direction of the restroom. "Naomi, come out of there right now!" "Think about it, Dementia," said Danny, still trying to finesse his way out of this situation. "What are you going to do when the rest of the families want to leave the Colony? Are you going to kill us all? Are you going to kill off the most advanced species to ever walk the earth?" Her response was chilly and unflinching. "Yes. If I have to." Danny noticed Naomi then, sneaking up behind Dementia with the wine bottle. He — Jim Stenstrum

No, I don't work here, I'm taking pictures of messy bathrooms for a photo essay on the American West. But I'm always up for clean, so if you want to pitch in, I've got Pine Sol and a sponge in my car ... It's that VW microbus parked next to the dumpster, and you don't need a key, just pull hard. — Pansy Schneider-Horst

Psychologists suggest that when people are no longer in charge of basic elements of a situation (such as where they sit, or when they go to the restroom), they must give over some degree of control that they normally use to define their independence, and thus themselves. — Sally Hogshead

Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room? — Dane Cook