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The Older I Get Funny Quotes & Sayings

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The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Becca Fitzpatrick

I tapped my cup to his, grateful to have found Shaun, because for a minute there, I'd thought I was going to have to save myself. Instead, I'd wandered into the protective care of a sexy older man. — Becca Fitzpatrick

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Kate Jackson

She lies about her age and weight and is slightly older than Rocket. But they've been a couple for eight years, longer than most in Hollywood. — Kate Jackson

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Jim Piddock

More and more, I play myself, as I get older. Even as a writer, I never got typecast. I've always bounced from project to project, or initiated my own things. I was never known as the guy who wrote romantic comedies or sci-fi, or whatever, but that's fun to me. The first two films I ever had made, as a writer, were both thrillers, which was great. There was nothing funny about either of them, or not intentionally. I actually love that. — Jim Piddock

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Mitch Hedberg

One time a guy handed me a picture. He said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' 'You son of bit, how'd you pull that off Let me see that camera. What's it look like' — Mitch Hedberg

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Daniel Jose Older

And it sounds like two tectonic plates are getting it on somewhere beneath us — Daniel Jose Older

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

As a kid I was the youngest member of my family, and the youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an adult conversation. My sister was five years older than I was, my brother was nine years older than I was, and my parents were both talkers. So at the dinner table when I was very young, I was boring to all those other people. They did not want to hear about the dumb childish news of my days. They wanted to talk about really important stuff that happened in high school or maybe in college or at work. So the only way I could get into a conversation was to say something funny. — Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Joel Coen

It's a funny thing because you look at the careers of other filmmakers, and you see them sort of slow down, and you realize, maybe this becomes harder to do as you get older. That's sort of a cautionary thing. I hope it doesn't happen to me. — Joel Coen

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Letitia Baldrige

Before the Kennedys were elected, there had been older Presidents. Then here was this devastatingly attractive young couple with two beautiful children. They were so intelligent, graceful, gracious and funny. They enjoyed life so much. That's what caught America's eye. — Letitia Baldrige

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Will Rogers

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. — Will Rogers

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Grant Bowler

The funny thing is, the older I get, the less I enjoy talking when I act. I don't like talking anymore. I like behavior. All of the running and gunning, and the fights and the stunts, is just awesome fun. — Grant Bowler

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Ryan Stiles

I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny. — Ryan Stiles

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Demetri Martin

It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. — Demetri Martin

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Charlie Cochet

There was a sudden loud commotion outside, and Calvin's eyes widened. "Oh hell. It's them."
"Who?" Sounded like a damn war had broken out. Dex was sure he heard a chair clattering somewhere. He edged away from the door.
"Rafe and Seb...Hobbs's big brothers."
Dex arched an eyebrow at him. "Like, big as in older, right?"
"Big as in older and big."
"How much bigger can they get? Hobbs is already the size of the fuckin' Chrysler building. — Charlie Cochet

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Jose Pablo Cantillo

It's so funny; I grew up in the Midwest, I have two older brothers, and you're just as competitive playing football as you are eating pickled eggs, or trying to kill zombies. As long as you don't take it too far, I think it's a good way for people to relate. — Jose Pablo Cantillo

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Justin Bieber

Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot. — Justin Bieber

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Joey Adams

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you. — Joey Adams

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Judd Apatow

I'm getting older, so how people face grave circumstances is of interest to me. And you meet a lot of people who are very courageous, and it doesn't reek of something funny to write about, but I always think that the higher the stakes, the bigger the laughs can be, and the more emotional the scenes can be. — Judd Apatow

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Twiggy

Sometimes I can't believe I'm going to be 60. I always say there's no point moaning about getting older, when there's nothing you can do about it. But still, I do find it quite funny. I look at that number, 60, and I think, 'Really? Me?' — Twiggy

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Dwight D. Eisenhower

Well, a funny thing, there are three that I like all for the same reason, golf, fishing, and shooting, and I do because first, they take you into the fields. There is mild exercise, the kind that an older individual probably should have. And on top of it, it induces you to take at any one time 2 or 3 hours, if you can, where you are thinking of the bird or that ball or the wily trout. Now, to my mind it is a very healthful, beneficial kind of thing, and I do it whenever I get a chance, as you well know. — Dwight D. Eisenhower

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Lesley Gore

Actually, the funny thing is, after all these years, I've got all these new songs to learn for the show we're doing at Joe's Pub, so it's kind of fun to get down and rehearse new things, and also rethink some of the older songs, how we're going to do them. — Lesley Gore

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Dave Barry

The central point of this final chapter is that - follow my logic carefully here - unless you die, you will continue to get older. (It's insights like this that separate the professional book author from the person with a real job.) — Dave Barry

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Marvin Hamlisch

As I get older, I'm slowing down and, yes, calming down in my desire to be taken seriously. That I can be entertaining and funny and high nervous energy can work against me as a serious composer, slowly but surely you'll see me be quieter just so that people will listen. — Marvin Hamlisch

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Ella Dominguez

Growing up, my guardians refused to tell me what horny meant. As I got a little older, they forbid me to use it, along with any other word that was remotely sexual in nature. That pretty much set the tone of my whole young adulthood.
I swore that when I grew up I would use that word as often and whenever possible as my way of rebelling against the powers that be.
So in honor of that vow to myself: Horny, horny, horny! — Ella Dominguez

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Catherine Tate

I realised that if you get yourself labeled as the funny one, people don't look any further. I've used that as I've got older. It's controlling: I decide what part of my personality you're seeing. I don't want you to look at me, I really don't. I don't want you to comment on my clothes, my hair or the way I look. — Catherine Tate

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Larry The Cable Guy

As I get older, the character evolves tremendously because I'm married and have kids now and realize certain things are not funny anymore. I threw them out of my act. — Larry The Cable Guy

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Mitch Albom

Katherine would later reason that if anything were going to take away her beautiful, funny, precious older sister, it would be that her heart was so big, it exploded. — Mitch Albom

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Rachel Caine

Morley joined them, and after a long, uncomfortable moment, Mrs. Grant decided to ignore his presence. The
guards didn't. Their knuckles were white on their weapons.
May I assist?" he asked, and put his hands behind his back. "I promise not to eat anyone."
Very funny," Mrs. Grant said. Morley gave her a grave look.
I wasn't joking, dear lady," he said. "I do promise. And I never make a promise I don't intend to keep. You
should feel quite secure."
Well, I'm sorry, I don't," she said. "You're just - "
Too overwhelmingly dashing and attractive?" Morley grinned. "A common problem women face with me.
It'll pass. You seem like the no-nonsense sort. I like that."
Claire smiled at the look on Mrs. Grant's face, reflected in the white LED light of the lantern she was holding.
You are really - odd," the older woman said, as if she couldn't quite believe she was even having the
conversation. — Rachel Caine

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Jamie Dornan

It's funny how you get a bit older and become more accepting of things. When you're in your twenties, you're skeptical of everything. I definitely felt like that. — Jamie Dornan

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Lena Dunham

This could very easily be taken out of context, and I think it's funny now, but I remember looking in the mirror as a kid and, it would be like for an hour at a time, and I'd be like, 'I'm just so beautiful. Everybody is so lucky that they get to look at me.' And of course that changes as you get older, but I may have held on to that little-kid feeling that was me alone in my bathroom. — Lena Dunham

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Conan O'Brien

Big story at the Olympics regarding Michael Phelps. He stepped out with his girlfriend for the first time. She is a 25-year-old model from Los Angeles. Like every other model in L.A., She's dating an older retired guy. What's going on? — Conan O'Brien

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By P. J. O'Rourke

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. — P. J. O'Rourke

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Charles Barkley

The older I get, the faster I was. — Charles Barkley

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Tracey Ullman

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. — Tracey Ullman

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Apolo Ohno

The older I get, the more and more I notice I'm like my father. It's funny, because when I was younger I tried to just back away from my father as much as I could, and some of the philosophies, some of the life lessons, some of the beliefs that he had within me are always constantly ongoing, and they're always prevalent in my life, whether it's trying to be every single thing that I can be in my sport or life or relationship or business, whatever avenue I'm pursuing. — Apolo Ohno

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Cecelia Ahern

It's funny because when you're a child, you believe you can be anything you want to be, go wherever you want to go. There's no limit to what you can dream. You expect the unexpected, you believe in magic, in fairy tales, and in possibilities. Then you grow older and that innocence is shattered and somewhere along the way the reality of life gets in the way and you're hit by the realization that you can't be all you wanted to be, you just might have to settle for a little bit less.
Or perhaps a variation of what you once wanted.
Why do we stop believing in ourselves? Why do we let facts and figures and anything but dreams rule our lives? — Cecelia Ahern

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Elizabeth Camden

Funny how older brothers could still be annoying even after everyone was all grown-up. — Elizabeth Camden

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Gena Showalter

I was even starting to relax - a little - until he took me to his parents' house for dinner. I've never met two people more in need of a divorce. They bickered and fought all evening. Royce said that's how they express their love. I don't believe him. I mean, please. You tell me if you feel the love from this conversation (written word for word as I remember it):
Linda: Elliot, be a dear and get me another drink.
Elliot: Get it yourself.
Linda: Get up and fix me a drink, you lazy man.
Elliot: Woman, don't push me on this. I've finally gotten comfortable.
Linda: (sugary sweet smile) I'll push you only when you're standing on a bridge.
Elliot: If I were standing on a bridge and saw you coming, you wouldn't have to push me. I'd
jump.
See? Does that sound "loving" to you? — Gena Showalter

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Phil Hartman

I think there's a notion in our society, and it may be valid, that people aren't as funny when they get older. It's a stigma still attached to the rebelliousness of youth. — Phil Hartman

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Jennifer Ashley

Sorry, Ian," Cameron said. He found himself saying that to Ian quite a bit. "I didn't understand."
Ian gave him a faint nod but didn't answer. His look told Cameron that he knew his older brother was an idiot, but he'd learned to put up with it. — Jennifer Ashley

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Bobby Lee

As I get older, I don't think the world is becoming that funny. Comedy is changing a bit. — Bobby Lee

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Andy Samberg

My mom let me kind of run free and be rowdy. She encouraged it. I'm a youngest child. So I was spazzy and trying to be funny to my older sisters. It's kind of my role in the family - tension reliever. I was funny or annoying, depending on your perspective. — Andy Samberg

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Jeanne Marie Laskas

Brooding is more something I do when I'm working. I know so much more about sitting around worrying about a work project than I do about worrying about kids. This could just be a fact of life for older moms. We've worked and worked and worked and if we are lucky enough to finally have a child or two, we find ourselves suddenly catapulted into a most alien kind of chaos.
Work is so much easier. Anyone will tell you that. To have a desk, where you have everything all lined up, and a schedule you more or less get to agree to. Work. I am a worker. This is so funny because I never really think of my work as work. I certainly never though of myself as having a career. Writing, work, this is just who I am. I am a person who sits at a desk and makes phone calls and taps at a computer keyboard and sips coffee and calls her mom at five. That I am anything better or smaller than that has come as sudden news to me.
Brand new.
News. — Jeanne Marie Laskas

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Maggie Stiefvater

What?" he asked in a low voice.
"You looked like you spent your last joy bill."
He hissed, "What does that even mean?"
"I don't know. I was just trying it out."
"Well, it doesn't work. It doesn't make sense. And anyway, I've got plenty of joy bills. Loads."
Helen said, "What's happening there on your phone?"
"A very small joy debit."
His older sister's smile shone brightly. "You see, it does work. Now, did you or did you not need to get out of that room?"
Gansey inclined his head in slight acknowledgment. Gansey siblings knew each other well.
"You're so welcome," Helen said. "Let me know if you need me to write a joy check."
"I really don't think it works. — Maggie Stiefvater

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Kay Panabaker

I went to go see 'Final Destination' which you have to be 17 and over to see and they're like 'Uh, we need to see your I.D.' Here's the really funny thing is that I actually had done my hair and makeup that day. If I don't do my hair and makeup I can understand it but I had actually made an effort to look older. — Kay Panabaker

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Scott Hamilton

What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating. — Scott Hamilton

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Greg Proops

If you have a funny costume, you can't really wear it when you get older. — Greg Proops

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Margaret Mahy

Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too. — Margaret Mahy

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Anita Diamant

The older Irene got, the more she swore. I remember when her grandson pooped in his diaper at his christening, she said, 'Holy shit,' loud enough for everyone to hear. The look on that priest's face! — Anita Diamant

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Hayden Thorne

I know what you mean. I usually take it out on my older sister. You can lease her for a weekend or something if you need a psychological punching bag. I'll even give you a discount. — Hayden Thorne

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Jayne Ann Krentz

Funny thing about the past. The older you get, the less it matters. — Jayne Ann Krentz

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Helen Fielding

Funny how at twenty-five you worry about not being taken seriously and take being a sex object for granted. Later you take being taken seriously for granted, and worry about not being a sex object. — Helen Fielding

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Nick Hornby

I don't have the heart to tell my sons that the older one gets, the less funny literature becomes - and they would refuse to believe me if I tried to explain that some people don't think jokes even belong in proper books. I won't bother breaking the news that, if they remain readers, they will insist on depressing themselves for about a decade of their lives, in a concerted search of gravitas through literature. — Nick Hornby

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Timothy J. Russert

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get. — Timothy J. Russert

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Melissa McCarthy

It's funny; as I get older I'm reverting to my roots - I want to plant stuff. — Melissa McCarthy

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Hilary Duff

I have an older sister named Haley and she wanted to be an actress. So I wanted to be an actress. It's really funny the way that some people don't give kids enough credit for like really being driven, and really wanting to do things so badly. — Hilary Duff

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Mitch Hedberg

I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call from here, some other woman answered. "You sound older!" — Mitch Hedberg

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Bill Maher

I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight. — Bill Maher

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Wendelin Van Draanen

You want me to be a man,older than you, who goes by the name of Roullard. — Wendelin Van Draanen

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Susan Mallery

He was funny and charming, but also kind. It seemed the older she got, the more she appreciated kindness in people. — Susan Mallery

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Alan Cumming

I come more to Scotland than I ever used to, so I feel more connected to it, more part of the zeitgeist. You know when you realize you have a choice and I'm choosing my homeland. It's funny: when you get older these things creep up to you. — Alan Cumming

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Stephen King

I used to laugh at that old wheeze about a man wanting his son to be better than he was, but as I get older it seems less funny and more true. — Stephen King

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Sue Perkins

Sometimes we don't want to be tethered to yesterday. It's nicer to forget. Maybe the gaps in our memory are there for a reason, evolutionary perhaps, to give us the space to grow, to get away from childishness or childish things. Or maybe it's so we have the chance to invent, or at least include, some magic in our yesterdays, surely the consolation of getting older, of moving away from youth, is that we can shape our past to our fantasies. So, even if the present isn't going the way we want it, we can stand and remember our earlier selves as exciting and funny and daring — Sue Perkins

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By John Van Epp

It's funny, I don't feel any older than I did when I was twenty. But I know I am, because recently some twenty-year-old called me 'sir.' Sometimes the only way you know you are getting older is by the way others treat you. — John Van Epp

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Blake Shelton

My favorite television show has changed throughout the years. I used to think 'Married ... With Children' was really funny. But now that I've gotten older, it's 'The Golden Girls,' believe it or not. That shows kills me. — Blake Shelton

The Older I Get Funny Quotes By Vlade Divac

We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. — Vlade Divac