Quotes & Sayings About The Future Funny

I'll use my divination and look into the future. Hey, you know what, I'm seeing the future right now. If I stand here and wait, then in three minutes a train's going to come. And after that, another train's going to come. Here, I'll let you guess what's going to happen afterwards. I'll give you a hint - there's a train. — Benedict Jacka

Matias frowned. Damn, he'd had a vision of this gorgeous woman naked? He hadn't thought he could despise his memory loss any more than he did, but the hits kept on coming. Wait. The blonde had said vision... as in the future? "We're fated to have sex?"
"No!" Quinn shook her head so quickly and vehemently that her teeth all but rattled.
"You sure? You can't seem to stay away from me." He looked down at their close proximity.
"I knew I should have left you to rot in the psych ward strapped to that bed."
Matias frowned. He was having a hard time keeping up with the conversation. "Kinky. Or is that another dream you had starring yours truly? — Jane Cousins

Time will mellow it, make it a moment for laughter. But now it was not funny, now I did not laugh. It was not the future, it was the present. It was too vivid and too real. — Daphne Du Maurier

When Springsteen meets a future girlfriend on the boardwalk in Asbury Park, he delivers this electric introduction: "She was Italian, funny, a beatific tomboy, with just the hint of a lazy eye, and wore a pair of glasses that made me think of the wonders of the library. — Bruce Springsteen

Ivanov: I am a bad, pathetic and worthless individual. One needs to be pathetic, too, worn out and drained by drink, like Pasha, to be still fond of me and to respect me. My God, how I despise myself! I so deeply loathe my voice, my walk, my hands, these clothes, my thoughts. Well, isn't that funny, isn't that shocking? Less than a year ago I was healthy and strong, I was cheerful, tireless, passionate, I worked with these very hands, I could speak to move even Philistines to tears, I could cry when I saw grief, I became indignant when I encountered evil. I knew inspiration, I knew the charm and poetry of quiet nights when from dusk to dawn you sit at your desk or indulge you mind with dreams. I believed, I looked into the future as into the eyes of my own mother ... And now, my God, I am exhausted, I do not believe, I spend my days and nights in idleness. — Anton Chekhov

9. How can we tell if a politician is telling the truth? Is there a way to know for sure? You may remember the old joke: "How do you know if a politician is lying? If he's moving his lips." It's not that funny anymore, is it? Obviously, there is no certain way to know at the moment something is said. But remember this: past performance serves to reveal future behavior. A person who has exhibited a pattern of lying is a liar. — Andy Andrews

If you're lucky, in some point in the future when you're in need of guidance or perhaps moral support, you may cross paths with a suitable mentor. Even luckier, you'll realize you had one in your life all along and you'll gain a new appreciation for how you benefited from that relationship. The luckiest relationship of all, of course, is a combination of the two. You've had help all along, and as the path widens or narrows, whatever the case may be, new and powerful influences will enter your life and aid your progress. In my experience, a mentor doesn't necessarily tell you what to do, but more importantly: tells you what they did or might do, then trusts you to draw your own conclusions and act accordingly. If you succeed, they'll take one step back and if you fail, they'll take one step closer. Whatever it is they teach you, pass it on. — Michael J. Fox

Do you really think Card's tell us future??
If they do,i raised my hand to the love of god and got you..!!!
someone;anyone could tell that what it is?? — Nikhil

It was funny, in a twisted sort of way, that night I gained my future was the same night I lost my past. — Kelley R. Martin

What is memory foam? How does it remember things? Does it have its own brain?" Edilyn
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Suffice it to say, it's something future man will thank modern science for. There's also a toilet in the bathroom." Virag
"A what in the who?" Edilyn — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I think for the foreseeable future, the truth is going to be awful and funny all at the same time. — John Hodgman

You are unnerving the hell out of me, Valkyrie."
"oh" she frowned, petting her bat fitfully " I must have misread the future for the past." she shrugged. "It happens. — Kresley Cole

What a funny old world,
Thinking they could cage her,
& make her fear her future;
Apprently they didn't know her well enough,
The cage, gave her wings to fly. — Nikki Rowe

Funny," [Antryg] said, "if you're a mage, they always ask you to read the future, as if knowing it will help. I think three-fourths of all prayers prayed are for two and two not to equal four. — Barbara Hambly

Good God," I said. "This is the most stereotypical vampire food ever."
"Only if it was raw. What do you think?"
"It's good," I said reluctantly. Who knew that bacon would have made all the difference? "Really good. I think you have a promising future as a housewife while Lissa works and makes millions of dollars."
"Funny, that's exactly my dream. — Richelle Mead

That was in the past - we're in the future now. — David Beckham

That's the funny thing about life. We're rarely aware of the bullets we dodge. The just-misses. The almost-never-happeneds. We spend so much time worrying about how the future is going to play out and not nearly enough time admiring the precious perfection of the present. — Lauren Miller

Chase said, "It was a crazy idea." An impossible idea.
"Nothing is impossible, Chase, only improbable. And when you can see into the future and manipulate people into the right places, you can accomplish amazing things."
"I think I liked the idea better when it was in my head. — Adrienne Wilder

Are you afraid of the future? That is funny because future does not exist yet! Future is not even a shadow, because shadow exists! Let go your fear and concentrate on the present time! — Mehmet Murat Ildan

If things do not change,in the future we may all speak spell check. — Tom Althouse

This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present ... Please leave your message after the tone." — Bill Bailey

Future generations will look back on TV as the lead in the water pipes that slowly drove the Romans mad. — Kurt Vonnegut

I've done this sort of thing before. Not prophecies so much, but you'd be surprised how many people want to realign their ancestral lines to seem nobler, or rewrite their family history to remove more morally questionable episodes." He paused to recall a recent rewrite. "One lord wanted the murderers removed from his family line. His family was so corrupt, he ended up with three virgin births, two generations removed entirely and a lady who gave birth at the age of two. Still, no one questions it as there is evidence in the archives." Bubo smugly tapped a book. "There is one thing though, faking a prophecy in the past is easy, you already know the result. How will you make this come true in the future?"
"I have someone in mind for it, but I'm not sure he'll go for it. But then prophecy is all optional anyway." Corvid looked up as if a thought had occurred to him. "I'd best go check on my man, I've not met him yet. — Dylan Perry

I'll buy you a blow-up doll. I'm sure my mate won't mind when I explain how hard up you are."
She didn't bother to punch him this time, just glared with promise of future retaliation. "Very funny. You wouldn't be laughing if you knew how sexually frustrated I am right now." [ ... ] "The last time was when that SilverBlade sentinel was in town for a communications meeting."
All amusement left Dorian's face. "You serious? That was months ago." A very long time to go without intimate touch. "Merce, that could get dangerous."
"I know. Do you think I don't know?" She thrust her hands through her hair. "Damn it Dorian! It's getting to the point where I'm starting to wonder if some of the wolves would be good in bed. [ ... ]
"Cat and wolf isn't a ... um ... normal combination."
"And Psy and cat is?" She made a face at him. "Yeah, yeah I know. Cat and wolf is strange." [ ... ]
"How about one of the Rats?" Dorian's eyes gleamed. — Nalini Singh

The other day in the garage, I found a book report from the seventh grade that I did about silent movie stars. It's funny to look at now, because it really foretold what my future would be. — Mark Bridges

The funny thing is that Dick Cheney has done more than anybody in the White House for quite a long time to throw up roadblocks against future historians. — Barton Gellman

I had not, I said to myself, come into the future to carry on a miniature flirtation. — H.G.Wells

I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny. — Albert Brooks

What are you doing with all these books?" I asked, stepping towards a tall stack on the floor. I ran my fingers down the spines, recognizing a few familiar titles from School: Heart of Darkness, The Great Gatsby, and To the Lighthouse.
Caleb came beside me, his warm shoulder brushing against mine. "I do this funny thing sometimes," she said, shooting me a mischievous grin. "I open a book, and I look at each page. It's called reading — Anna Carey

I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs. — Mark Rosen

Oh, girl! He's got a big one," the fortune teller exclaimed, her dark eyes briefly flickering up to Violet's face before returning back to the cards spread out in front of her. She paused for a moment as she studied them, her pointer finger tapping against her jaw. Finally, she added, "Just like a summer sausage, and I'm not talking about the snack-sized ones. And it's attached to a body that could put Dwayne Johnson to shame. What women could resist a package like that? I'd say the future is definitely going to be bright ... at least for you. — Rose Wynters

If the law can be broken it will. Anyone who breaks the law is a risk. You can break the law. So you see, I have to take you in for questioning. This produce stand has an ominous future. — Benson Bruno

I wonder if I talk like a dead man. My daughter once came home from school very excited about some lecture -this was years ago, before I died, though just right before- and she said her English teacher had talked about what the dead sound like in Dante. This funny thing about Dante's dead, which is that they know the past, and even the future, but they don't know the present. About the present they have all these questions for Dante. And that somehow is what being alive is, to be suspended in the time. She seemed to feel that really meant something. That and also that the dead know themselves better than the living do. — Rivka Galchen

It's funny how nothing really ever turns out the way we expect it to, no matter how certain the future seems. I guess we need to keep adjusting our dreams to fit reality, because life is not going to cooperate. — Cassia Leo

Why does everyone think the future is space helmets, silver foil, and talking like computers, like a bad episode of Star Trek? — Tracey Ullman

It's funny how nothing really turns out the way we expect it to, no matter how certain the future seems. I guess we need to keep adjusting our dreams to fit — Cassia Leo

Mi bella Princesa, your funny little dwarf will never dance again. It is a pity, for he is so ugly that he might have made the King smile.'
'But why will he not dance again?' asked the Infanta, laughing.
'Because his heart is broken,' answered the Chamberlain.
And the Infanta frowned, and her dainty rose-leaf lips curled in pretty disdain. 'For the future let those who come to play with me have no hearts,' she cried, and she ran out into the garden. — Oscar Wilde

Sorry, I didn't know that you had a vagina, I'll refrain from using vulgar words for now on. How about it smells like pee pee and poo poo, with a little bit of spew, is that better?"
"You're a real character, you know that?"
"Thanks, I try," she says. "Now, let's get the shi-stuff and get out of here."
"Fine," I say. "But for future reference, I like it better when you curse. It's pretty funny to see a pissed off Tinkerbell." I run from the baseball mitt being hurled at my head, laughing all the way . — Katelin LaMontagne

Page 99: ... unless something changes, the future that you can expect is more of the past. Sorry or becoming committed does not make Jim Carrey a great golfer, or made Jack nicklaus funny. Recommitment does not make a person who is unsuited for a particular position suited for it all of a sudden. Promises by someone who has a history of letting you down in a relationship mean nothing certain in terms of the future. — Henry Cloud

There have been times when I felt suicidal and I would stop my head from going in that direction of negativity because I thought there'd be something I'd miss that was funny in the future. If there's a chance I'm going to laugh tomorrow then want to live to experience that. — Dave Navarro

An "EX" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of what you shouldn't have again in the future. — Unknown

Well, let's just hope it doesn't come to that." I started back down the alley. "Truthfully, it's not you I'm so much worried about as your ass. It's like the Eighth Wonder of the World or something. Be a shame to deprive future generations of Dreamers, don't you think?" My stomach rumbled. "Come on, I'm starving." A snort escaped him. "Nice to know you care." I patted my belly and shrugged. "Yeah, well. A girl's gotta have priorities. — Allison Pang

I stared at Irys. My Story Weaver had to be laughing his blue ass off right now. My future appeared to be a long twisted road fraught with knots, tangles and traps. Just the way I liked it. — Maria V. Snyder

If it weren't for dreams," he said. "I wouldn't know half the things I know about the future. They're better than Olympus tabloids." He cleared his throat then held up his hands dramatically:
"Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff"
"Apollo?" I guessed, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips, "[Shh] I'm incognito. Call me Fred. — Rick Riordan

You're not the only one in this relationship who loves a
challenge," he says. "And just so you know for the future, I like my double-chocolate chip
cookies warm and soft in the middle ... and without magnets glued to them. — Simone Elkeles

You see, the future is a kind of stew, a soup, a vichyssoise of the present and the past. That's how you get the future: You mix up everything you did today with everything you did yesterday and all the days before and everything everyone you ever met did and anyone they ever met, too. And salt and lizard and pearl and umbrellas and typewriters and a lot of other things I'm not at liberty to tell you, because I took vows, and a witch's vows have teeth. Magic is funny like that. It's not a linear thinker. The point is if you mash it all up together and you have a big enough pot and you're very good at witchcraft, you can wind up with a cauldron full of tomorrow. — Catherynne M Valente

For me, the release was a spot in time with no past and no future. Just the extraordinary simplicity of a moment - the kind of moment that has a funny way of making a person believe that life and love can last forever. — Tiffanie DeBartolo

And I mouth into the phone, I love you, in case some of her cells pick up on the vibrations and it serves me well in the next life. If there is one. If there is a next life, I hope it's in the past; I don't think the future will be any more handleable. — Ned Vizzini

Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear ... from my future Kids' Funny Business. — Ivan Stoikov

Oh, you think it's funny being mean to Sienna on facebook?
I predict a bandaged thumb in the near future
yours. — Sienna McQuillen

It only took Alexis a day to read a five-hundred page book. Fiction stories took her to another world where she could lose herself for a while in someone else's life.
Its funny how things like loans to pay back, a broken home and family, and a future to worry about meant nothing to characters who only had to worry about things like boys, beaches and fun. — Lindsay Chamberlin

You've always been there for me. Always. Even when I ... " V
"Even when you what?" B
"You know." V
"What?" B
"Fuck. Even when I was in love with you. Or some shit." V
Butch clasped his hands to his chest. "Was? Was? I can't believe you've lost interest." He threw one arm over his eyes, all Sarah Bernhardt. "My dreams of our future are shattered - " B
"Shut it, cop." V
Butch looked out from under his arm. "Are you kidding me? The reality show I had planned was fantastic. Was going to pitch it to VH1. Two Bites Are Better Than One. We were going to make millions ." B
"Oh, for the love. — J.R. Ward

At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying whole wide world. — P. J. O'Rourke

Miss Celia stares down into the pot like she's looking for her future. "Are you happy, Minny?"
"Why you ask me funny questions like that?"
"But are you?"
"Course I's happy. You happy too. Big house, big yard, husband looking after you." I frown at Miss Celia and I make sure she can see it. Because ain't that white people for you, wondering if they are happy ENOUGH. — Kathryn Stockett

You really think love needs to have a future?"
"Absolutely."
"Good," Lily said. "So do I."
"Good," I echoed, leaning in. "So do you."
"Don't repeat what I say," she told me, swatting at my arm.
"Don't repeat what I say," I murmured, smiling.
"You're being silly," she said, but the silliness was falling out of her voice.
"You're being silly," I assured her.
"Lily is the greatest girl who ever was."
I drew closer. "Lily is the greatest girl who ever was."
For a moment, I think we'd forgotten where we were.
And then the officers returned, and we were reminded once again. — David Levithan

There is certainly more in the future now than back in 1964. — Roger Daltrey

Poor examples because of mechanical needs of typing, of the flow of river sounds, words, dark, leading to the future and attesting to the madness, hollowness, ring and roar of my mind which blessed or unblessed is where trees sing
in a funny wind
well-being believes he'll go to heaven
a word to the wise is enough
'Smart went Crazy — Jack Kerouac

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God. — Bill Cosby

On my way to the parking lot, in quick succession, I saw students wearing t-shirts which read, "Save the whales. Collect the whole set," "Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now," and "Half the people you know are below average." Typical for the Eastern student body. — Neil S. Plakcy

Google "brooklyn writer" and you'll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it? — Colson Whitehead

It's funny how you can run from the future and the past simultaneously. — Kirsten Hubbard

A lot of brainless unicorns swaggering about and calling themselves educated just because they can push each other off a horse with a bit of a stick! It makes me tired. — T.H. White

Whenever I come here, I pretend I'm living in the future and the atmosphere is irradiated and wild bands of biodiesel bikers rule the dusty surface. — Robin Sloane

While it might surprise many ecologists to hear, capitalism is itself the ultimate form of conservationism. Capitalists seek to conserve resources, not because of sentimental feelings about nature or the earth or whales or worry about the well-being of future generations, but simply because every drop of oil, every ton of ore, every shipment of wood saved is a cost reduction and money in the pocket. — Steven Plaut

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense. — Lex Martin

Do you really think cards can tell us future??
No matter how you spread the cards but queen is always king ones..!! — Nikhil

There is a point in the future where even the worst disaster starts to settle into an anecdote. — David Nicholls

Some names to look forward to - perhaps in the future — David Coleman

We were surrounded by thirty-foot-tall giants who were about to kill us. Then the sky opened up, and the gods descended."
"Grandad," the kids said, "you are full of schist."
"I'm not kidding!" he protested. — Rick Riordan

As always, she was carrying the washing. Rudy was carrying two buckets of cold water, or as he put it, two buckets of future ice. — Markus Zusak

But the funny thing is, love makes you want more of it. It makes you strive for it even when there's nothing left to begin with, when you're long gone. It makes you stand up and pull yourself together; understand all of those little things about yourself that you normally don't pay attention to. It makes you prone to everything that has ever happened to you or would happen in the near future. — Khaddam Ahmed Khan

Funny, isn't it, how quickly the future becomes the past. — Lauren Oliver

A funny thing about near-future stories: the future catches up to them. If the author is unlucky, the future catches up faster than the book can get out the door. — Edward M. Lerner

Lemons. He liked lemons. They made you make funny faces when you bit them, and a very, very long way in the future there was a really amazing planet where they'd evolved into people and lived in harmony with a variety of hyper-intelligent bee. Evolution. Thousands and thousands of years of tiny changes could turn little burning sparks of chemistry into people, into monsters and angels and even human beings. — Nick Harkaway

It feels a little bit funny coming here and telling you guys that Linux and open source are the future of gaming. It's sort of like going to Rome and teaching Catholicism to the pope. — Gabe Newell

I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy. — Bauvard