Quotes & Sayings About Thanksgiving Turkey

And so, Thanksgiving. Its the most amazing holiday. Just think about it - it's a miracle that once a year so many millions of Americans sit down to exactly the same meal as one another, exactly the same meal they grew up eating, and exactly the same meal they ate a year earlier. The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we all can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so. — Nora Ephron

Holiday binge-buying has deep roots in American culture: department stores have been associating turkey gluttony with its spending equivalent since they began sponsoring Thanksgiving Day parades in the early 20th century. — Adam Davidson

Any woman who votes for no-fault divorce is like a turkey voting for Thanksgiving. — Pat Robertson

Thank God for YouTube. Every Thanksgiving, I'm bombarded with 'Turkey Lurkey Time.' — Donna McKechnie

There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They prefer to buy the bird live and then push it in front of a subway train. — David Letterman

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. — Nicole Hollander

Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce. — Joan Rivers

My most memorable meal is every Thanksgiving. I love the food: the turkey and stuffing; the sweet potatoes and rice, which come from my mother's Southern heritage; the mashed potatoes, which come from my wife's Midwestern roots; the Campbell's green-bean casserole; and of course, pumpkin pie. — Douglas Conant

The truth is the Super Bowl long ago became more than just a football game. It's part of our culture like turkey at Thanksgiving and lights at Christmas, and like those holidays beyond their meaning, a factor in our economy. — Bob Schieffer

Consider a turkey that is fed every day. Every single feeding will firm up the bird's belief that it is the general rule of life to be fed every day by friendly members of the human race "looking out for its best interests," as a politician would say. On the afternoon of the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, something unexpected will happen to the turkey. It will incur a revision of belief. — Peter Morville

T hanks for time to be together, turkey, talk, and tangy weather.
H for harvest stored away, home, and hearth, and holiday.
A for autumn's frosty art, and abundance in the heart.
N for neighbors, and November, nice things, new things to remember.
K for kitchen, kettles' croon, kith and kin expected soon.
S for sizzles, sights, and sounds, and something special that about.
That spells THANKS for joy in living and a jolly good Thanksgiving. — Aileen Fisher

I want that Easter Ham. Where's my Thanksgiving Turkey? Miss Trixie snarled — John Kennedy Toole

Praise God even when you don't understand what He is doing. — Henry Jacobsen

Wake up now, look alive, for here is a day off work just to praise Creation: the turkey, the squash, and the corn, these things that ate and drank sunshine, grass, mud, and rain, and then in the shortening days laid down their lives for our welfare and onward resolve. There's the miracle for you, the absolute sacrifice that still holds back seed: a germ of promise to do the whole thing again, another time ... Thanksgiving is Creation's birthday party. Praise harvest, a pause and sigh on the breath of immortality. — Barbara Kingsolver

boundbydad: thrust your fierce quavering manpole at me, stud

grayscale: your dastardly appendage engorges me with hellfire

boundbydad: my search party is creeping into your no man's land

grayscale: baste me like a thanksgiving turkey!!! — David Levithan

THE APPROACH OF Thanksgiving on November 29 sent Springfield into a panic - not over the nation-imperiling crisis plaguing its leading citizen, but the apparently more dismaying prospect of a local turkey shortage. — Harold Holzer

A lighthearted prayer for Thanksgiving:

May you have turkey in season
Cranberries for squeezin'
Gravy (within reason)
And leftovers worth freezin'!
Amen

by Merrill Miller of Scottdale, PA — Mary Beth Lind

I love Thanksgiving turkey ... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. — Arnold Schwarzenegger

About the Story

Not all the details in this story are true. The times some events occurred have been changed, and the conversations are made up. Most of the things Tad Lincoln did in this story reportedly happened, including saving Jack the turkey and bombarding the Cabinet Room door with his toy cannon. Tad really was determined to raise money to help wounded soldiers and did persuade his father to pardon a woman's husband so he wouldn't be shot. Although Tad's antics often annoyed his father's staff, most agreed he had a big heart and a special way with animals. Once he even hitched goats to a chair and ran them through the White House, upsetting a gathering of dignified ladies. Nothing was too surprising when it came to Tad.
Although several presidents had declared occasional days of thanksgiving, none had ever officially made it a national holiday. Abraham Lincoln finally did so with his Proclamation of Thanksgiving on October 3, 1863. — Gary Hines

In the shooter hypothesis, a good marksman shoots at a target, creating a hole every ten centimeters. Now suppose the surface of the target is inhabited by intelligent, two-dimensional creatures. Their scientists, after observing the universe, discover a great law: "There exists a hole in the universe every ten centimeters." They have mistaken the result of the marksman's momentary whim for an unalterable law of the universe. The farmer hypothesis, on the other hand, has the flavor of a horror story: Every morning on a turkey farm, the farmer comes to feed the turkeys. A scientist turkey, having observed this pattern to hold without change for almost a year, makes the following discovery: "Every morning at eleven, food arrives." On the morning of Thanksgiving, the scientist announces this law to the other turkeys. But that morning at eleven, food doesn't arrive; instead, the farmer comes and kills the entire flock. — Liu Cixin

Thanksgiving dinner's sad and thankless. Christmas dinner's dark and blue. When you stop and try to see it From the turkey's point of view.
Sunday dinner isn't sunny. Easter feasts are just bad luck. When you see it from the viewpoint of a chicken or a duck. Oh how I once loved tuna salad Pork and lobsters, lamb chops too Till I stopped and looked at dinner From the dinner's point of view. — Shel Silverstein

Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.' — David Letterman

Rules are rules was stuffed into him from the crib like he was a Thanksgiving turkey. — James Marshall Smith

I am going to host Thanksgiving myself and instead of a turkey I'm serving a big human butt. — Aimee Bender

Times are hard in the ghetto, I gotta steal for a living;
Eating turkey-flavored Now & Laters for Thanksgiving. — DMX

In deference to American traditions, my family put our oven to rare use at Thanksgiving during my childhood, with odd roast-turkey experiments involving sticky-rice stuffing or newfangled basting techniques that we read about in magazines. — Jennifer Lee

I was introduced to the Turducken in New Orleans. And it wasn't Thanksgiving. Glenn at the Gourmet Butcher Block brought it by, and I had never heard of it or had seen one, and they put it in the booth, and it smelled so good that I had to taste it. And it was good. Then Thanksgiving came, and we got one in addition to the traditional turkey. — John Madden

Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl. Boy and girl angst over which family they visit at Thanksgiving and which one in December and whether or not it's best to serve turkey or goose for the family feast. When first faced with the reality that the family you married into does things differently, the warmth of tradition can take on a chill. — Margaret Kennedy

Overeating at Thanksgiving is a case in point. It's a national tradition. — Eric Samuel Timm

I started acting in second grade - my first role was in the Thanksgiving play. I was the Indian chasing the turkey. All the other mom's encouraged my mom to get me into acting after that. Also, when I saw 'The Sound of Music' at Music Circus, I knew I wanted to act. — Brie Larson

Tryptophan: a chemical in turkey meat rumored to make you sleepy and careless. One of the many minefields in the landscape of the family Thanksgiving. — Karen Joy Fowler

Ialways think it's funny when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving. I mean, sure, the Indians and Pilgrims were best friends during the first Thanksgiving, but a few years later, the Pilgrims were shooting Indians.
So I'm never quite sure why we eat Turkey like everybody else. (101) — Sherman Alexie

May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs! — Grandpa Jones

Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation. — Dave Barry

I have nothing against turkey. We eat turkey for Thanksgiving in my house. — Marc Forgione

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat! — David Letterman

It's so simple to create a delicious holiday meal without animal cruelty. I promise no one will miss the turkey! — Alicia Silverstone

The parishioners looked dazed, but happy. The only thing good Catholics love more than God is a short service. Keep your organ music, your choir, keep your incense and processionals. Give us a priest with one eye on the Bible and the other on the clock, and we'll pack the place like it's a turkey raffle the week before Thanksgiving. — Dennis Lehane

I'm vegetarian, but I love Thanksgiving dinner: faux turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. — Leigh Lezark

A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island. — Johnny Carson

I think I'm going to give my baby her first food on Thanksgiving, make her some organic sweet potato. I'm very excited! It's going to be a big day and my husband is in charge of the turkey - he's the chef of the family! — Lily Aldridge

I'd love to give my girls a traditional Thanksgiving with turkey and all that jazz, but we've raised them to love Tuscan food so much that they don't care for it. My favorite is a nice polenta with beef stew and broccoli rabe on the side. — Debi Mazar

It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it. — Alistair Cooke

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. — Phyllis Diller

Thanksgiving turkey in the world. — James Patterson

Detente - isn't that what a farmer has with his turkey - until Thanksgiving? — Ronald Reagan

After the meal was done, the brothers moved slowly, as if drugged or sleepy, which made me wonder if it was similar to the post-turkey feeling on Thanksgiving Day. — Colleen Houck

Q: Why did the cranberries turn so red?
A: They saw the salad dressing!

Q: What was the Pilgrim's favorite music?
A: Plymouth rock!

Q: What's the best way to eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
A: Gobble it.

Q: What key do you use the most on Thanksgiving?
A: A tur-key!

Q: What did the turkey say when the Pilgrim grabbed him by the tail feathers?
A: That's the end of me!

Q: What did the turkey say just before it was popped into the oven?
A: I'm really stuffed. — Peter Roop

The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, I don't need a pardon. I need a job.' — Conan O'Brien

I'm blessed to come from a family with five brothers. We're all physical and athletic and like to work out, like to be outside, like to throw the ball around. We spent our entire childhoods on some kind of corner or in a field. We still do a Turkey Bowl every Thanksgiving. It gets competitive, man. Bloody. — Danny Pino

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. — Kin Hubbard

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.' — Mitch Hedberg

I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-f**ked in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right. — Greg Behrendt

If secrets were stuffing, the woman would be done up like a Thanksgiving turkey. — Lauren Oliver

You think you have a handle on God, the Universe, and the Great White Light until you go home for Thanksgiving. In an hour, you realize how far you've got to go and who is the real turkey. — Shirley Maclaine

He looked around at the chaos of the jacked-up children and then back at his nervous daughter. "I believe I'll stay, if you don't mind." What if she did mind? What if the idea of him watching her for the next two hours made her more nervous than a turkey at Thanksgiving? — RaeAnne Thayne

I really like Thanksgiving turkey ... it does not take only time in Houston that you look at natural breasts. — Arnold Schwarzenegger

You probably think Italians like meals with heavy meats and sauces, but they actually prefer light meats. They see turkey as a healthy, light white meat that lends itself excellently to their style of cooking, and they use it in many different ways. Also, Europeans do not celebrate Thanksgiving so they perceive turkey as an all-year round option. — Todd English

Thanksgiving is coming. I wonder what the holiday will be like at Dog the Bounty Hunter's house - obviously, they'll have a turkey with all-white meat. — Chelsea Handler

Eating Animals closes with a turkey-less Thanksgiving. As a holiday, it doesn't sound like a lot of fun. But this is Foer's point. We are, he suggests, defined not just by what we do; we are defined by what we are willing to do without. Vegetarianism requires the renunciation of real and irreplaceable pleasures. To Foer's credit, he is not embarrassed to ask this of us. — Elizabeth Kolbert

My favorite meal is turkey and mashed potatoes. I love Thanksgiving, it's just my favorite. I can have Thanksgiving all year round. — Cindy Margolis

'I'm sorry,' guys are always telling women, 'but I'm just not ready to make a commitment.' Guys are in a permanent state of nonreadiness. If guys were turkey breasts, you could put them in a 350-degree oven on July Fourth, and they still wouldn't be done in time for Thanksgiving. — Dave Barry

Radical historians now the tell the story of Thanksgiving from the point of view of the turkey. — Mason Cooley

It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status. — Russell Baker

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. — Ambrose Bierce

What a marvelous resource soup is for the thrifty cook - it solves the ham-bone and lamb-bone problems, the everlasting Thanksgiving turkey, the extra vegetables. — Julia Child

I really don't do much on the night of Thanksgiving other than bring the wine and carve the turkey. My contribution comes the day after, in the form of breakfast. I usually just forage through the leftovers for things that will go well with eggs. — Wylie Dufresne

The next day, eating a turkey sandwich with salt and mayonnaise, Rebecca decided Thanksgiving was the best holiday, although she had little to choose from: her family never celebrated Hanukkah but her father was militant about ignoring Christmas and insisted they spend December 25 eating Chinese takeout and going to the movies. — Anna Quindlen

Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving. — Mike Connolly

My mother is a great hunter - she usually shoots our Thanksgiving turkey. — Kirsten Gillibrand

The arrogance of the young is a direct result of not having known enough consequences. The turkey that every day greedily approaches the farmer who tosses him grain is not wrong. It is just that no one ever told him about Thanksgiving. — Harry Golden

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc. — Bo Burnham

I'm not a big turkey fan, but my husband loves it. Thanksgiving is his favorite meal. — Ruth Reichl

Love iz a big fat turkey and every day iz thanksgiving — Charles Bukowski

Save a life this Thanksgiving, and join me in starting a new tradition by adopting a turkey instead of eating one through Farm Sanctuary's Adopt-A-Turkey Project. — Ellen DeGeneres

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing — George Carlin

And it was never but once a year that they were brought together anyway, and that was on the neutral, dereligionized ground of Thanksgiving, when everybody gets to eat the same thing, nobody sneaking off to eat funny stuff
no kugel, no gefilte fish, no bitter herbs, just one colossal turkey for two hundred and fifty million people
one colossal turkey feeds all. A moratorium on the three-thousand-year-old nostalgia of the Jews, a moratorium on Christ and the cross and the crucifixion of the Christians, when everyone in New Jersey and elsewhere can be more passive about their irrationalities than they are the rest of the year. A moratorium on all the grievances and resentments, and not only for the Dwyers and the Levovs but for everyone in America who is suspicious of everyone else. It is the American pastoral par excellence and it lasts twenty-four hours. — Philip Roth