Terry Pratchett Hogfather Quotes & Sayings

I SEE THE GIRL WRITES IN GREEN CRAYON ON PINK PAPER WITH A MOUSE IN THE CORNER. THE MOUSE IS WEARING A DRESS.
'I ought to point out that she decided to do that so the Hogfather would think she was sweet,' said Susan. 'Including the deliberate bad spelling. But look, why are you ... '
SHE SAYS SHE IS FIVE YEARS OLD.
'In years, yes. In cynicism, she's about thirty-five. Why are you doing the ... '
BUT SHE BELIEVES IN THE HOGFATHER?
'She'd believe in anything if there was a dolly in it for her. — Terry Pratchett

Let's see, now ... in HOGFATHER there are a number of stabbings, someone's killed by a man made of knives, someone's killed by the dark, and someone just been killed by a wardrobe. It's a book about the magic of childhood. You can tell. — Terry Pratchett

Death turned to leave the room, but stopped when Hex began to write furiously. He went back and looked at the emerging paper.
+++ Dear Hogfather, For Hogswatch I Want
OH, NO. YOU CAN'T WRITE LETT ... Death paused, and then said, YOU CAN, CAN'T YOU.
+++ Yes. I Am Entitled +++
Death waited until the pen had stopped, and picked up the paper.
BUT YOU ARE A MACHINE. THINGS HAVE NO DESIRES. A DOORKNOB WANTS NOTHING, EVEN THOUGH IT IS A COMPLEX MACHINE.
+++ All Things Strive +++
YOU HAVE A POINT, said Death. He thought of tiny red petals in the black depths, and read to the end of the list.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT MOST OF THESE THINGS ARE. I DON'T THINK THE SACK WILL, EITHER.
+++ I Regret This +++
BUT WE WILL DO THE BEST WE CAN, said Death.
FRANKLY, I SHALL BE CLAD WHEN TONIGHT'S OVER. IT'S MUCH HARDER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE. He rummaged in his sack. LET ME SEE ... HOW OLD ARE YOU? — Terry Pratchett

Human history has no unique pattern of intelligibility. — Mark Elvin

Is there some kind of trouble? Did he do something to the real Hogfather?"
SQUEAK.
"Why won't he tell me?"
SQUEAK.
"Thank you. You've been very helpful. — Terry Pratchett

It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying. — Terry Pratchett

It's supposed to be jolly, with mistletoe and holly... and other things ending in olly. — Terry Pratchett

You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
'What if she cuts herself?'
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON. — Terry Pratchett

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head. — Terry Pratchett

I really should talk to him. He's had a near-death experience!"
"We all have. It's called living."
(Hogfather) — Terry Pratchett

WHERE DOES THIS TRAVESTY TAKE PLACE? HO. HO. HO. Albert gave up. "Well, Crumley's in The Maul, for one. Very popular, the Hogfather Grotto. They always have a good Hogfather, apparently." LET'S GET THERE AND SLEIGH THEM. HO. HO. HO. "Right you are, master." THAT WAS A PUNE OR PLAY ON WORDS, ALBERT. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED. "I'm laughing like hell deep down, sir." HO. HO. HO. — Terry Pratchett

I'm still looking for books about them, as well as I am used to feed food every day. — Pet Torres

Men got two guns, you know. One for now," he tapped the barrel of his gun against her nose. "And one for later." When his free hand went to his zipper, she twisted underneath him, bringing her knee into his groin and pulling her knife from her boot.
"Mother taught me to carry a knife for always."
She left him holding his intestines in disbelief as she disappeared down the hill, his gun tucked securely in her waistband. — Mindy McGinnis

Wanna see how creepy I can be?"
-Mr Teatime — Terry Pratchett

IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT /MEANT/ TO BE SAFE. — Terry Pratchett

We've learned how to destroy, but not to create; how to waste, but not to build; how to kill men, but not how to save them; how to die, but seldom how to live. — Omar Nelson Bradley

Biers was where the undead drank. And when Igor the barman was asked for a Bloody Mary, he didn't mix a metaphor. — Terry Pratchett

IT'S THE EXPRESSION ON THEIR LITTLE FACES I LIKE, said the Hogfather.
"You mean sort of fear and awe and not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants?"
YES. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL BELIEF. — Terry Pratchett

Eva: Do you know why I chose your ring?
Gideon: Red is our color. Red dress in limos. red fuck-me heels at garden parties. A red rose in your hair when you married me. — Sylvia Day